


Here & Now

by bree_niah



Category: K-pop, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Dorks, F/M, Friendship, No Angst, Slow slow slow burn, Someone Help Them, Two shots, Writer, angst not in main story, chill romance, even I thought they'd happen sooner, okay i lied there is some angst, one shots, producer - Freeform, slow romance?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-01
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2020-05-31 15:25:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 27
Words: 72,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19428754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bree_niah/pseuds/bree_niah
Summary: Kendall lives her life being able to do the two things she loves; producing music and writing fictional worlds. It's calm and she gets more recognition than she ever expected, which allows her to work with artists she admires all over the world. Yoongi seeks her out for a project and they click, but of course, that doesn't come without a few incidents. But they got this.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This accidentally got deleted so I'm putting it back up. I nearly cried when it happened, but there's nothing I can do. I hope the few who seemed to like it find it again.

"Kendall!" The shrill voice barely registered through the music blasting through my ears. Pausing the track I pushed off my headphones and turned around. I was met with my friend, Matthew, glaring me down.

"Can I help you?"

He rolled his eyes, plopping onto the couch next to my work station.

"You've been ignoring emails, calls, and texts all day. You know those time-sensitive ones that need responses asap."

"Oh calm down, I still have ti..." My voice trailed off when I glanced at the clock on the wall. Four thirty flashed at I'd realized eight hours had passed since I'd come in, instead of the three I'd thought it to be.

"You would think that Ana bringing you the breakfast you ordered and then the lunch from the meeting we had would tip you off. Sometimes you worry me, Kendall. Your brain still working?" Matthew was clearly amused.

My mouth opened and closed, not one comeback surfacing. If I was honest he wasn't wrong, per se. Often when focused on a task it felt like my brain refused to function beyond that. Nothing else mattered and it would last for hours, or days like it did that one time where production deadlines were pushed up from a week out to four days. It didn't help that my sense of time regardless of what I was doing.

"Shut up. Just tell me why you're here."

Matthew being the jerk he is just continued to smile at me, languishing in my annoyed state. He enjoyed rendering my speechless way too much. I think it was because it was the only time he could win against me.

When minutes passed and silence became too much I grabbed a crumpled wrapper from my desk and launched it at his face. His arms waved about in a panicked manner as if he hadn't watched the trash sail through the air and into his face.

"Chop, chop I have things to do."

Picking up the wrapper he launched it back at me, missing by a foot. He seemed less than pleased, but didn't grab anything else to complete his retaliation.

"As I was saying," he huffed, "you've not answered anything all day. There's some stuff double checking sessions, post-production information, two tracks you need to look over, some requests. Oh and obviously that thing from Hals."

"I dare you to call her that to her face."

"What? No. We're not close and that would be weird." His cheeks turned red and he glanced everywhere but at me.

It was so cute. "Your crush is showing."

"I don't have a crush. She's not my type." He scoffed.

It was my turn to scoff and to roll my eyes. I had no clue why he always used that as an excuse. "It's perfectly healthy to acknowledge that even though you are not attracted to female and femme people that they are attractive. Don't know why you weirdos fail to understand you can appreciate a person's beauty without having a thing for them."

Matthew groaned, throwing himself back against the couch. No doubt he was tired of having that conversation with me, but I needed him to get it together. Nothing about being flustered about someone's level of attractiveness meant that you were something you weren't.

Another dramatic sigh from him and he sat up again. "Anyways... you should get those out of the way and then go home. Seeing as I know you have a full day for both your jobs tomorrow. And because you're only here working on your own stuff and not for a client."

Arguments presented themselves in my head, but none of the came out. I was in no mood to back and forth with him all day. Plus, he wasn't wrong yet again. I'd finished working on a song for an upcoming album an hour after I arrived and had only been emptying my head of all the beats locked in there. They tended to be like plot bunnies and those rarely left my head unless I gave them some attention. 

"Better idea. I go home and answer the emails." He went to interrupt me, but I held up a finger. "With the promise of getting it all done by seven thirty and sending you images of my empty inbox. As well as the sent box."

For a second he stared me down, eyes narrowed. You could see the gears turning in his head and it almost looked like he'd say no.

"Okay. Go straight home and get it done. I will let myself in if none of that is done and will micromanage the whole process."

He stood and so did I, move in for a hug.

"And stop blocking Marcus when he annoys you. He, your agent, shouldn't have to send me to tell you this stuff," he said as he pulled away.

"Will do."

With one parting glare he left the studio, leaving me to myself. For a moment I just stood there, tired washing over me as I finally realized how long I'd been awake. The night was spent pumping out a scene that had come just as REM sleep was hitting and I'd only gotten about an hour and a half before coming in. I'd knock out the moment I got home if I had my way, but I had stuff to do. So much stuff.

Taking a deep breath I pushed a stray braid behind my ear and got to work cleaning up. Most of the stuff was sitting piled neatly together, so I shoved it into the trash can. Once the bag was tied and next to my door I replaced it and gathered my other stuff. I'd left my laptop at home, so I just shoved my notebooks into my bag along with my chargers. After sending myself everything and saving it in a million different locations I shut it all done and left.

A few people were heading out with me, the work day finishing for everyone. We all nodded in greeting, but thankfully no one stopped to chat. By the time I reached the exit the Uber I ordered awaited me outside and I hopped in. The universe had to love me because besides a greeting my college-age driver didn't say a word to me.

On the ride home I skimmed my emails via phone and noticed that a lot of them weren't even that pressing. Most were just quick things that I could answer right then and there. And of course there was the email from Halsey, but I already knew what it had to say and I didn't have the information she needed with me. As I sifted through the emails about wanting to work with me I saw one that was interesting, but before I could open it we came to a stop.

Glancing up I noticed we were at my building and got out with a quick bye. Walking in I waved at the woman at the security desk and ran to the elevator whose doors were closing quickly. I just barely slid through, hurting my hip a little from it hitting it.

"Shit."

Rubbing it only irritated the area and I was sure I'd have a light bruise by morning. Why I continued to try and squeeze my hips through things knowing that there wasn't enough room I was unsure. One day I would learn. Though probably not.

By the time I reached the inside of my apartment the throbbing had dulled a bit, but increased in frequency. Reaching down to take off my shoes at the door was no, so I had to kick them haphazardly onto the rack.

As I assumed I felt the urge to face plant onto my couch or bed upon entry, but I fought it off. I needed to eat and handle the emails, but I'd drift the moment my fingers stopped typing. So, I rushed to the bathroom, stripped and hopped into the shower. The scorching heat put some pep into me and made me forget all about those articles that said overtly hot showers were bad for you.

Fifteen minutes later I emerged refreshed and with wet braids. Putting on my shower cap was an option but my box braids were almost done for and I couldn't be bothered to try and protect them.

Once I was dry and dressed in a too big shirt and cotton booty shorts I moved to my studio. For a second I thought about working on the track I started at the office, but I knew that I'd spend all my time doing that and only that. It almost sent me out of the studio and took the office I had set up in the spare room, but I needed a lesson in self-control.

Booting everything up I absentmindedly fiddled with the rubix cube I kept on the desk, but never actually tried to solve. After a few seconds, the silence got to me.

"Alexa."

The device glowed from where it was placed on a shelf in the corner.

"Play Always and Forever playlist."

Several seconds later she complied and HyunA's Cause I'm God Girl came on. A smile formed as I hummed along to the song. It was one of my favorites by her. Working with her was still on my goal board and it felt so close and yet so far.

Finally, my computer was ready to go, so I logged in and ignored the call that the icon for my software put out. There was one mission and one mission only. The same urge came when I logged in and saw the copy of the chapter I'd finished sitting in my inbox, but I ignored that as well.

"Focus ya weirdo."

I sped through the rest of the easier emails and forwarded the ones that requested me to work with them to Marcus with a yay or nay. It was technically his job to look and then show me the options, but I preferred to see them myself first.

When I reached Halsey email I almost rolled my eyes, a small laugh at her overly sweet wording. Though cute it made me question if I was being buttered up for something, since she tended to do that when she knew I wouldn't agree or that I was on the fence.

By the time I'd sent her over the tracks similar to what she was looking for, some files of vocals she'd done when I worked with her before and my schedule for the next month my speakers went through two other songs and was playing BTS' Baepsae.

Everything else was taken care of, which left the email I'd seen while in the car. Its subject line was normal, giving nothing away but something about it just felt different. Opening it up the difference jumped out immediately. Korean filled the screen and for a moment my brain shut down. After a deep breath, my eyes scanned the text, slowly decoding what it said. I tripped here and there, because even after ten years of learning it sometimes words were forgotten.

At the end I felt like I'd read the entire thing wrong, my chest was moving rapidly and I didn't know if I should be excited or if this was some cruel joke. Once the Korean stopped English started, all of it relaying what I'd just read. I frantically read until the completion, looking for the words that had sent me into a tizzy and there they were.

Our artist and producer SUGA/Min Yoongi would like it very much if you consider his offer to work together.

J-Hope finished out Baepsae just as I slumped in my chair.

"Holy shit."


	2. Chapter 2

A week of me constantly working felt like a month. I was physically and mentally drained, but I had to keep going. The light at the end of the tunnel was so close and I could just imagine the rest that I'd get as if it were happening.

"Kendall!"

The screaming of my name sent me jolting forward and out of the daydream, I'd slipped into. Blinking a few times I regained my bearings and stared at Marcus with wide eyes. He just frowned, his eyes holding what felt like disappointment.

"How much sleep did you get on the plane?'

"Three hours."

"And when you got home?"

"Three hours?"

He sighed and I guessed he wasn't appeased with my answers. "How much sleep did you get while in New York?"

For a moment I paused, thinking about it. After a few seconds too long he slapped the table, calling on my attention again.

"Actually, I slept every night for at least seven hours. The most consistent it's been for about a month. I'm just using too much of myself. Working my brain to meet all deadlines and also trying to get everything that I want to out of me. Too much creative output methinks."

Shrugging I grabbed the piece of Belgian waffle I'd been eating, dipped it into syrup and shoved it into my face.

Marcus released another sigh, his face softening. He was entering one of his big brother modes, I could feel it. I always did my best to not worry him that much, but sometimes it just couldn't be helped.

"You're taking a break from all work after this. You look dead most of the time, even with that sparkle of joy in your eyes. Plus your skin looks dull. Where is that radiant brown skin that you've honed with your sixty different skincare products."

A laugh escaped me and I almost choked on the waffle. He was a freaking dork.

"My skin looks just fine, thank you very much. Never come for it again. And I promise I will be taking a break. I'm going to be sleeping, eating and seeing several movies. Also catching up on music."

The last words had him narrowing his eyes and opening his mouth to say something.

"Not for inspo nor for work. I'm behind on some releases and need to catch up and expand my library. We both know that I'd be driven mad if I couldn't at the very least listen to music."

Marcus' lips pursed and then he nodded. He knew that I was right. I couldn't fully promise to control my impulse to get work of some kind done, but I would at the very least try for my sake, his and my literary agent, Ara.

"Okay. Even though I want to just ban you from work now we're having a brunch meeting for a reason." He paused and took a sip of his nasty earl grey tea.

Clearing his throat he turned his attention back to me. "You know the projects you have coming up, it's not a lot and you've worked with at least one person on all of them before. So obviously I'm not too worried about that. You have meetings with the producers for Halsey's album and then the ones for Bruno on Tuesday. Thankfully, they're hours apart so you have time to sprint to the other side of the city."

As he spoke I scrolled through my phone's planner, making sure that I had all those things noted somewhere. I'd have reminders, but I preferred to have it on me at all times. I'd end up cross-checking them with the things in my paper planner.

"Got it."

He nodded and scanned his own phone, then something in the air shifted. Marcus glanced up at me with this serious expression that had me prepared to shit myself.

"And then there's the meeting with Suga in a week."

His grave expression only lasted for a second and then he was smirking at me. Wiggling his eyebrows he did this weird dance that I never wanted to see again. I felt very embarrassed and also wanted to launch something at him because he was teasing me.

"Stop."

"Stop what? I'm just saying you have a meeting next week. A meeting with someone you fangirl over. Someone you've said some very interesting things about." He sounded so smug.

"And? I've fangirled about most of the people I've gotten to work with. Full on thirsted. Brendon Urie, Hayley Kiyoko, Tinashe, Halsey, Trey Songz, Rihanna. Hell, I'm in post-production with Hanbin. And everyone knows how deep that thirst ran." I rolled my eyes and sipped my iced green tea.

"True. But come on, we both know your composure can suck sometimes. Even you, woman with the resting bitch, sad and/or tired face slips up. And I'm more than sure that he will catch you slipping." He enunciated every word, growing more pleased with himself every second.

My cheeks were burning, from embarrassment and annoyance. I flipped him off and stared into his eyes. "Keep fucking with me and I will shave your head. All the hard work for those waves will go out the window."

And as usual, it shut him down. He knew I'd never go that far, but I was not above some form of retaliation that he wouldn't see coming. We'd known each other for well over six years, and even though we spent 2 years, not on speaking terms friendship wise his work as my agent kept him in the loop of my behavior.

Silence reigned as we finished off our food and waved down the waiter to order the burger we'd been eyeing. Once that was taken care of I felt this sort of shyness overtake me. It wasn't foreign, because I was naturally shy, but with a close friend, it felt misplaced.

Clearing my throat I felt my cheeks burning again. "So... um, any particular reason that they asked me? Like the email said that he wanted to work with me, but even then I have no clue why. I asked Hals and she denies having any part in it."

Marcus failed to keep the smirk from making its way back onto his face. He tried hard, the corners of his mouth quirking up and down. Eventually, he just gave up.

"Oh. Well, it's not like you're some unknown producer. You've made a name for yourself with how consistently good your work is. Plus people know that you dabble in a little of everything and are willing to experiment. Plus if you've forgotten you've done a fair amount of work in the world of k-pop. Stray Kids, Jackson Wang, Loco, Mamamoo. You just finished working with B.I., someone who is arguably one of the best producers and writers out there."

"But..."

Reaching across the table he used his hand to cover my mouth, "No buts. You've created a rep for being good at your job and great to work with, it's not surprising that he or anyone else might want to work with you. Stop it."

Swatting his hand away I glared at him, wiping my mouth with a napkin.

"Fine. What time is the meeting?" I asked.

Just before he could speak the massive burger was sat in front of us with a mountain of fries. My stomach felt tight after the waffles and bacon, but upon seeing the beauty made some room. I ordered ginger ale for burping purposes and then grabbed the knife, cutting the burger in half.

"It's going to be on Wednesday at two. You're free that whole day, including deadlines for Ara because those edits are obviously due tomorrow. So you can relax all day until that and perhaps prepare some stuff to show him to get the vibe he's going for."

I took a huge bite of the cheeseburger as I mulled over what he said. One thing dawned on me as I swallowed.

"What is this for exactly. You cut off all my access to the emails and I'd like not to be in the dark about it."

"Oh, he's releasing more Agust D music," he said nonchalantly.

My eyes widened and I felt like my eyes would roll out of their sockets because of it. I'd assumed it was a BTS thing or some other BigHit artists situation, not his solo stuff.

"I want to fire you so bad," I said once I regained my composure.

"Nah, you can't and you won't. You know I do my job too well and this is the only time I've withheld information for my own amusement."

"I hate you a little bit. Not gonna lie." I shoved several fries into my mouth and chomp as I glared at him.

Marcus just winked at me and continued stuff his face with food. No more talk of work happened, we just sat and eat our food occasionally making conversation of some random topic like the character I named after him and then murdered. It had been over a year since that book was written, but with the last of the edits being due his salt levels had risen again.

He ranted and raved about how rude it was, killing a dear friend. One would think I'd actually done the deed and somehow brought him back to life. I had to admit it was funny how riled he was about it though.

Right before he started listing the reasons why I should change the character name my phone vibrated on the table. An image of Hals flashed onto the screen and I thanked Zeus for the interruption.

Picking up the phone I wasn't given the chance to speak because she was whispering with someone in the background. When she stopped I interjected.

"Hello?"

"Ken! Hi, where are you?" She got right to the point.

"I'm out wrapping up a meeting with Marcus. Is there something you needed?" As I spoke to her Marcus waved down our waiter and requested the check.

"Yes, but depends on how you answer the next question. Which is are you busy for the rest of the day?"

She sounded too happy like she was up to something and I didn't like it one bit.

"Besides doing a read through no. Why?"

A laugh could be heard on the other end, which was very much so hers though she'd moved away. Another voice said something, but I couldn't quite make out what it was.

"I could hang up."

"Wait, no. I wanted to see if you wanted to hang out and work on some stuff. Nothing serious, just run a few things by you and we spend time together. You can even do your read through." She's pulled it together and sounded normal, but I was still suspect.

Glancing down at my watch I saw it was only almost one and I had all the time in the world to get shit down. That and I only had half the book left and that wouldn't take me much.

"Fine. I'll be there in half an hour."

"Good. You know how to get in. Love you. Bye."

She hung up quick, leaving me no chance to respond to her. Shrugging I pushed the phone into my pocket and looked up in time to see the waiter hand Marcus his receipt. When he got up so did I and we headed out of the restaurant.

"Need me to drop you off?" he asked.

"Nah. I can just Uber there, we're going different directions," I said.

The sun was so bright that my glasses weren't transitioning fast enough to save me and I couldn't really see him.

"Okay. Be safe." He reached over and ruffled my hair, sending the curls I'd worked hard to keep intact going everywhere.

Before I regained sight he was gone, knowing I'd hurt him. Rolling my eyes I ordered and uber and used the window the restaurant to reset my fro. By the time it was sitting how it once was the car pulled up and I eagerly fled to the safety of air conditioning.

It only took fifteen minutes to get to her place because for the first time ever traffic in LA was being kind to me. I hopped out of the car with a nod to the driver and made a beeline to her placed. Once there I knocked and was met with her smiling face. As usual her smile made me smile and she pulled me in for a tight hug.

"Thank you for coming."

"It's no problem, love."

She pulled away and let me in. I kicked off my shoes and was several steps in before I noticed the person standing across the living room. His back was to me and then he turned around, making my eyes widen a fraction before I got it together.

Halsey smiled and I could see the mischief in it. "I forgot to tell you I had a visitor. Kendall this is Yoongi, Yoongi this is Kendall. You'd be more familiar with the name Sailor V. You're working together soon, right?'

"Hi," I said still processing.

He also appeared surprised. "Hello."


	3. Chapter 3

The atmosphere was a little awkward. I didn't know what to say or do and it seemed he was also unsure of how to proceed. It wasn't like I couldn't make some sort of conversation, but I was unsure of what to say exactly. Hals throwing us together without warning dampened my ability to force myself to interact until comfortable.

In the end, we just went about our lives. Hals and Yoongi discussed music and random life things and I read through chapter twenty-two on my tablet and made edits. Occasionally, I was pulled into the conversation with a question about something but other than that they left me alone. And though things were a tad awkward - it was honestly probably me who felt it - it was still a comfortable environment. I didn't feel the need to join in and they didn't seem to mind my focus.

Hals stepped out to go get something, leaving us alone. I barely registered it though, too focused on a paragraph that felt like something was off. No matter how many times I read it the reason why wouldn't present itself. Moving on was impossible until I found the answer, even if I said I'd come back to it later.

"Damnit," I muttered.

Shuffling sounds drew my attention from the screen to Yoongi was looking at me with an expression I couldn't quite read. Once he noticed me looking back he gave a gentle smile, which I returned.

In an instant my brain got its shit together and figured out what the hell was wrong. My gaze returned to the screen and I tapped away. Removing one sentence and rewording another. Reading the entire page again I noted that I'd already brought the information in the deleted sentence up beforehand in a completely different way. Everything flowed better after and felt less repetitive.

"Fuck yes."

A soft laugh filled the space, drawing my attention back to Yoongi. He was smiling a bit wider as he watched me.

"What?" I asked.

He paused for a second and then spoke. "You looked ready to murder and now you're happy."

"Oh."

I couldn't help but laugh at myself too. My emotions could be here and then there, especially when in the middle of writing. Sometimes I would be full on sobbing because I'd done made something sad happen and then laughing two seconds later because a character was being a sarcastic little shit.

"Edits make me a little all over the place."

"Edits?" His brow raised.

Raising my tablet I showed him the screen. The problem paragraph had been the last one of the previous so the top of the page was boldly marked as chapter twenty-three. His eyes squinted as he moved closer and read the words; mouth moving as he went on.

Again he looked at me with curiosity.

"I write books. I'm making last minute changes before I send it off to my editor and agent," I said, answering what I assumed was the question floating through his head.

Understanding dawned in his eyes and that was the end of the conversation. Well, at least I'd assumed that was the end of the conversation. He rose from his seat on the loveseat across from the couch and sat in the chair next to where I was on the couch.

"So you do more than producing?" He asked.

"Yeah. Music is my second job."

Even if it wasn't a complete shift I could feel the comfortableness kick in. I didn't feel terrified to sit there with him and talk normally, which was good because I hated that feeling every time I encountered new people for extended periods. My internal gushing about how cute he was also dimmed a little, but flared up a little when we held eye contact for too long.

It takes a second before I realize that he's leaning in to slyly read the chapter and I angle the screen away from him. His eyes look away as if he'd not been up to anything at all and even though my eyes are narrowed at him in playful disdain, I can't help but laugh.

He joins in and the room feels more relaxed then it did before and I feel more comfortable looking directly at him for longer periods of time.

"Thank you for working with me," he says seconds after the laughter dies.

I'm shocked, because even after seeing it written and having Marcus yell at me something about it feels weird. Hearing Yoongi say it out loud makes it weirder and at the same time reassuring. In the end, it was an indication that I needed to stop acting as if I wasn't a capable being that people wanted to work with. I was good at my jobs and other people could see that.

"Oh. No problem," I rushed out. "I was actually surprised when I got the email."

"Surprised and extremely excited." Halsey finally returned.

Glaring at her I fought the urge to flip her off. "Shut up."

My gaze moved back to Yoongi who watched our exchange with what looked like amusement.

"But, yeah. Surprised and excited are right. I'm a fan of your work and look forward to helping create something." I mumbled, my cheeks burning.

"You're good and Namjoon says you're good to work with. Of course, I'd want to." His words sounded sincere, which caused my shyness to flare up.

Why compliments were so weird for me I was unsure.

"Namjoon was fun to work with. I really enjoyed that." I tried shifting the conversation a little.

"I hope I'm fun too," Yoongi said, that adorable gummy smile showing.

There was silence as we both kind of just sat there and smiled, but naturally, that had to be broken.

"Awe friendship," Halsey gushed.

I turned, giving her a look of judgment, but then Yoongi mumbled something in Korean about her extraness and I burst into laughter. He appeared surprised by my reaction.

"You know Korean?"

"Yes, I've been learning Korean and Italian since I was thirteen. Well, trying. Italian basics are the only parts of the language I've retained." I responded in nervous Korean. Confidence when speaking another language is something I had little of.

He made a face and then it went blank as he nodded. "Not bad."


	4. Chapter 4

Being set-up so we'd meet sooner worked in my favor. When Tuesday rolled around and Yoongi stepped into my studio things felt comfortable. Of course, there was the pressure of finding what he was looking for, but at least it wasn't coupled with nerves about making a fool of myself in my first impression. After spending several hours together through the weekend it was very clear what my sometimes weird personality was. He didn't seem put off by it, so all was well.

I tended to create samples in my free time, letting all the pent up music that formed in my brain out. Sometimes I used them for actual work and other times I just kept them to myself. My keep-to-myself library had great range and was good for showing an artist or fellow producer when gauging what steps to take before the work started.

Yoongi had a direction, but he refused to tell me specifics. We spent over half an hour listening to everything I had since he'd said it was better than hearing what I picked on assuming what he might want.

As we moved on from one to another I tried to use his expressions to figure out how he felt, but he just appeared neutral or mildly interested. It made me a teensy bit antsy. Long ago I'd learned that people wouldn't always like what I had to show and that was no reason to panic, but they usually showed an ounce of something.

When we finally finished he remained silent, glancing through the list of samples again. I stared him down hard and a minute or so in I saw him smirk. My eyes narrowed because something told me he was messing with me.

Another minute or two passed and I was done with it. "So, anything? Nothing? Partly something?"

He glanced my way and then pointed to a cluster of tracks. Leaning forward I squinted to see what they were, what I noticed got me excited. All the ones he'd identified had heavy reggae and trap influences; it was one of my favorites.

My excitement dulled a little and I narrowed my eyes again. "You knew twenty samples ago?"

Yoongi just smiled and nodded.

"Why does everyone live to fuck with me?" I mumbled.

Shaking my head I turned my attention back to the desktop screen, clicking around and ridding myself of everything but what he'd chosen. If I didn't keep things somewhat organized I'd only confuse myself.

Yoongi waited in silence until I looked his way again. Without a word from me he moved closer and took over the mouse. My eyes followed his to the screen, watching closely.

Once he got the file of his choice open he started talking. Part way through he switched from English to Korean, since I'd told him to use whatever was most comfortable with. Especially if he felt his thoughts would be expressed easier.

"The mini will have this vibe, except one song. That one will be more like Seesaw. It's not something new but fits with what I'm going for. I already have ideas of which songs I've written that could work. None of these are exact, but I know that we can figure out what will work. This one though..." He continued on, talking about which aspects of the track that he'd like to put in and what just wouldn't work for him.

How long we stayed like that I was unsure. He just let out all his wants and expectations, while fiddling with my program to create some random mock-up of what he was verbalizing. I listened intently, purely focused on what he was saying. At some points I interjected, bouncing ideas off of him and getting clarification on certain things.

There were disagreements here and there, but nothing that was out of the norm for two people's visions coming together. It was a nice conversation, one that I hadn't had in weeks since. I'd been working on things only I produced or working with others remotely for a while, so actual back and forth in real time had been lacking.

Picking his brain to figure out his thought process was also nice. As much as it was a work experience where I was to take part I was also learning. Or trying to do as always with producers I admired.

"All of it needs to be perfect, so it probably will be months before I even hint the idea of it coming out. Though we may just drop it without warning." He turned to me, staring into my eyes.

"That's fine. My schedule gets hectic sometimes, but never enough that this would be a problem. Is there a specific song you had in mind for me or?" I asked.

"All of it," he said without hesitation.

I froze, my eyes widened and my mouth dropped open. Yoongi just smirked, watching me for a moment and then returning his gaze back to the screen.

The ever constant theme of him shocking me was becoming a tiny bit annoying, but I also wasn't mad about it. It was cool. Working on whole albums, mini or otherwise, wasn't something I got to do; in fact, it only happened once before for an artist not very well known.

Everything about the situation just kept becoming more exciting and terrifying at the same time. 

Before I could dive deeper into my head, which was rarely good, Yoongi pulled my attention back to the computer. He was playing one of my older samples, his head nodding along with it. He wore an intense look, eyes focused on the screen. Every so often he'd pause and relisten to a certain snippet.

"This section fits well. How'd you get it?" He asked, only sparing me a short glance before replaying it yet again.

"Uh, it's been so long. I was still using Studio One at the time and was just messing around. I think I was having a shit day and in the mood for something bass heavy. No song was filling the void, so I made something." The memory was fuzzy, but the emotion behind it was quite clear.

Yoonhi paused the music, turning to stare at me. His expression was concentrated like before, but I couldn't quite tell what he could have been thinking. Seconds passed and I felt more awkward than before. I went to speak just as he opened his mouth to say something, but a knock on the studio door pulled our attention.

I hopped up to answer it but was nearly plowed over in an instant. Matthew was holding bags of food and speaking rapidly. Yoongi's manager almost didn't catch my attention because he'd entered so much quieter.

"It's almost two thirty and you last ate at nine. Since it was only the smallest of breakfast sandwiches and you only ate half I expect you to eat all of this." He spoke in a way that left no room for disagreement.

After setting out the container, filled with rice and some steak and pepper mixture, he stared me down and left. I was used to his behavior so it wasn't something surprising. However, both Yoongi and his manager appeared shocked and amused. The corners of their lips fighting not to turn up.

"He can be a lot," I said.

They both just nodded. I focused on my food as they had a brief exchange and Yoongi was handed food as well. A moment later we were alone again and immersed in the lunch break that was forced upon us. Neither spoke, just eating in the quiet of the space until I turned my Spotify on shuffle to do away with the silence. Too much of it made me uncomfortable.

Food became too much after I'd reached two-thirds of the way finished, so I pushed the container away. Sighing, I chewed on my lower lip and then found myself randomly spewing out words.

"Are you sure about this? I could totally find you someone else who's more versed in this?"

Internally I groaned, chiding myself for the nonsense. He'd already made it clear that he'd made the choice on his own, and I kept feeling this doubt gnawing at me. It'd been months since I'd felt that way, so I guess it was just reminding me that it was always there lurking and ready to strike.

"Why would I not be sure?"

"I don't know. Uh... I'm just making sure you're sure." I shrugged and shoved the straw in my mouth to stop any other dumb questions.

Yoongi eyed me carefully, brow raised in confusion. After a moment he sat down his fork and turned to stare into my soul. "Kendall I chose you because you fit. Your work is good and Joon speaks highly of you. Perfect for this project. I'm sure of it."

He gave a smile and then pushed my container closer. "He said all of it."


	5. Chapter 5

Off days were something I tried to take once every two weeks. Off days with a strict, no contact rule in place was a once a month thing, but the last month was so much that I needed a second one.

I wasn't allowed to do work, be asked about work or think about work. Either I sat home and did nothing or ventured out into the world to do something. The first day I slept, ate and caught up on some TV shows. It was so good I'd planned to do it again, but of course, that wasn't going down.

The moment my closest friends found out I was free they all had ideas on what to do, but I'd managed to dodge all of them. Sadly, Marcus liked to work against me. He was one of the few with a key to my home and he'd passed it on to Halsey. She broke into my house around noon with Yoongi.

I'd been standing in the middle of the kitchen singing along with Tiffany Evans' Promise Ring and drying off dishes when they appeared. As I was reaching to put the last plate in the cabinet the reflection in the glass showed them standing behind me. I nearly had a heart attack.

"Alexa, pause," I said, my voice shaky.

Turning around I became acutely aware of me being in a long shirt I'd had forever and pajama shorts that disappeared under it, but it was less important.

"What in the actual fuck people?"

At first, they just stared at me, Yoongi's poker face stronger than Hals. She broke first, laughing obnoxiously and then he followed suit. Almost making me piss myself something they found amusing.

My eyes narrowed and I crossed my arms over my chest. "Haha. Why are you here?"

After a few seconds, they collected themselves, wearing twin smiles. Hals had mischief in her eyes.

"You're off today, so we're doing something," she said.

Before I could open my mouth to protest she held up a hand and shook her head. "Nope. You told me you stayed in most of yesterday, so I know you're rested. Going out can be relaxing and good for you."

Again I wanted to shut her down, but she started pouting.

"Nothing crazy, I promise."

Sighing, I leaned against the counter and stared into her eyes. Nothing felt like I was being plotted against, but a lot of me didn't feel like venturing out into the world. My gaze shifted to Yoongi who'd taken a seat at the island. He just sat there and smiled.

"How did she rope you into this?"

He shrugged and Hals scoffed. "It was partly his idea."

My brow rose in shock and all my attention shifted back to him. His expression didn't change, he just shrugged again and continued smiling.

I had several questions, but I'd keep them to myself.

"Fine. You're right. Give me fifteen minutes."

With that I left them alone, dragging my feet to the bedroom. The situation didn't call for me to put in effort to look cute so I wouldn't. Though I'd say that I looked adorable most of the time without effort so whatever I wore would be fine. I snatched up some shorts, a Sailor Mercury top, and a flannel and threw them on.

Since I'd left the apartment only once the day before and that was to get my done I didn't have to do much. I always got it straightened to get it trimmed, so I whipped off my bonnet and carefully brushed it down from it's wrapped state. It fell the way I wanted so I left it be and wrapped a headband around my wrist just in case.

After going through my skincare routine and ensuring unchapped lips I ventured back out with my shoes in hand. Both of them had moved to the living room, playing on their phones.

"Ready."

They both glanced up at me, Halsey rising from the couch and messing with my hair. "It grew a lot in six months."

"Less split ends too. Lana actually sounded proud of me when she was explaining how much healthier it felt and looked."

"So switching braiders helped?" she asked.

"Yup."

All while we had our little conversation Yoongi stood there was a brow raised. He did that when we'd disappear into our own little world. As if he was intrigued with the way we interacted. It was honestly either very calm or very chaotic when it came to us. One could never be too sure what would go on.

"So, where are we going?" I asked, walking towards the door to slip on my shoes.

"Since someone here has people stalking him twenty-four seven," she paused and glared at Yoongi who just shrugged. "We're going a little far out to eat and walk a more isolated beach area. Hopefully, no one sees us, but if so it'll be fine."

"Statements ready in case," Yoongi added.

After grabbing my bag and phone from the table I swung the door open and motioned them out. As I locked the door something dawned on me.

"Wait, am I driving?"

They both paused and looked at each other than me. Hals smiled sweetly and Yoongi bit his lip, looking as he was fighting off laughter.

I groaned, tossing my head back. After a second I glared at her, but she maintained her "sweet" look. Yoongi finally let go of that chuckle and I could see on his face how prepared for this he'd been.

"One, I hate you." I then turned my attention to him. "Two, stop helping her. I thought we were closer than this Yoon."

With some fake sniffles on my part, I turned on my heel and stormed down the hall. My dramatics consistent until we'd reached the parking garage and my car.

Yoongi hopped into the front seat, all but shoving Hals out of the way to get it. Her sound of protest was so gentle I barely heard it, but it was still hilarious.

Once inside and with the car turned over I realized how warm it would be and was glad for air conditioning. There was no way I could put the windows down since the tint was the only thing stopping people from quickly spotting Yoongi.

With everyone buckled in, I pulled out of the spot and out of the parking garage. The car was silent for a while and then when we reached a stoplight Halsey was flinging herself between the seats to grab my phone. I slapped her hand and she reached again, but I moved it out of reach.

"What do you want?" I asked, glancing at her through the rearview mirror.

"It's too quiet, we need music," she said.

She wasn't wrong, if I went too long in silence I'd be driven mad. Grabbing the phone I unlocked it, ensured it was paired with the car and went to my Spotify. Extending my arm I bypassed her hand and gave it to Yoongi. She grunted and sat back, probably rolling her eyes.

I'd only been able to catch a second of Yoongi's reaction before I had to pull off again. He appeared confused and then amused, taking the phone without question.

A minute or so passed before any sound filled the space and when it did my eyes went wide and I shook my head.

"Nope. Not that, change it." I tried to grab the phone, but he kept it out of reach.

"What? Don't like Thong Song? It's on your phone." He teased, like the butt he was.

In no way was I embarrassed by having the song, it had grown on me over the years; but my face did not agree. I could feel the burning of my cheeks and the mild discomfort in my stomach, but I pushed it down.

Clearing my throat I turned to him, eyes narrowed. "Different song or Hals gets control."

For a moment his thumb hovered over the phone as if he wasn't going to change it, but then he tapped the screen and a new song started. J. Cole's Cole World fills the space and my body relaxes.

It takes me getting to the freeway before I realize I had no clue where the heck we were going. Hals shrugs and Yoongi takes over, tapping an address into the GPS; his manager had researched some places that would lessen visibility.

On the way there we all talk on and off, avoiding work subjects. The moment I even slightly mention anything that will lead to work Hals shuts it down and eventually, Yoongi started to as well, leveling me with disapproving glances.

By the time we reach the small beach town, Hals is pouting in the back, upset that Yoongi and I started focusing our teasing purely on her. I all but dragged her from the car because of it, with her muttering under her breath about getting back at us.

The town was indeed not that packed. Of course, most people migrated towards the beach, but even then it wasn't a lot going on and they were all on the older side. Yoongi still kept on his beanie and mask on though, because fans came in all ages and you never knew when one could pop out.

Hals took the lead once she'd finished her fake sad girl act and we followed behind her. The beach farther down the road was less packed, so we spent a great deal of time loitering around there. We kicked off our shoes and walked partly in the water, we walked in silence or just talking about anything.

Something I'd learned and loved about being friends with Hals is we could have those random talks. With Yoongi it was the same way and it felt so natural even after a short time. Being able to talk and the other know if it was just you venting or needing some sort of response.

At some point, I waded father in, glad to be wearing shorts. Hals had stopped to take a picture of something and Yoongi was just staring out into the water. What I hadn't realized is that he snuck up on me, until I was being pushed forward.

"No," I squeaked.

A deep laugh came from behind me just as I was pulled back.

Once my feet were firmly planted I whipped around to see a smiling Yoongi. My eyes narrowed and I shoved him lightly, only displacing him a little.

"Don't do that, ya butt."

All my remark did was make him laugh, but when he saw me go to move past him he stopped.

"I would never. I know it would have effect on..." he trailed off and gestured to my straightened, and slightly poofy hair.

There was the smallest temptation to continue down my pouty path because I was annoyed, but something about it made me stop.

He understood what would come of my hair getting wet, but the fact that he felt comfortable enough to joke with me like that felt nice. Not like he'd been uncomfortable with me after a week or so, but there were levels to comfort and friendship.

A smile formed on my lips and before I could say anything Hals caught my attention. She was on her phone and was frowning deeply. Wading out of the water I stopped a few feet short of her.

"Mhm. Okay." With that she hung up and stared at us, frown deepening.

"What's wrong?" Yoongi asked.

She rolled her eyes and ran her fingers through her hair. "Something came up at the studio. They thought it would be fine last night and this morning, but they lost half a song. I need to go back and re-record."

The urge to ask a million questions about how they fumbled that without any backups presented itself, but she didn't need that.

"Okay. We can grab our shoes and drive back."

"No, no, no, no, no," she said, pushing me back as I tried to walk further onto the beach.

"What?" I asked.

She shook her head and took careful steps back.

"You two enjoy yourselves. I gave my manager a heads up on where I'd be, so a car was sent already because it looked bad like an hour ago. They're minutes out. I'll leave and you guys do whatever."

For a moment I wondered if it was some cliche set up, but nothing about the situation screamed that. And even with her facial control, she wasn't that good.

"You good with that?" I asked, turning to Yoongi.

He nodded.

"Okay then."

We walked her back to where I'd parked and were met with the car in a minute or so. After seeing her off we kind of just stared at each other, not really sure what to do next.

"So..." I trailed off.

A second or two of silence and he spoke. "Food?"

Without another word we got into my car and after a few seconds of him playing on his phone he tapped something into my GPS. The address was in Chinatown, which had me pausing because of the number of people that would be there.

"It's fine. Manager cleared it," he said without even looking at me.

I believed he wouldn't do anything to get himself mobbed or me, so I went along with it. We rode in silence and it was comfortable. How he always made the quiet feel calm and not awkward was beyond me.

"Favorite song?" he asked in Korean, drawing my attention.

"Um..." I hummed, chewing on my lip as I thought. "Can't think of an overall fave."

"Of the moment?"

"Hm..." Nothing was coming to me, my mind blanked completely.

Before I could get it together and respond I was being told by the GPS that we'd arrived at our destination. Yoongi directed me towards a different direction and I parked in an alleyway parking lot of the place. It was thankfully pretty empty.

Once out of the car, he led the way, knocking on the back door. In seconds we were met by his manager and led inside the place. Inside was much like the outside, which I chalked up to them ensuring there would be no random photo ops and swarms of people.

While we were seated closer to the back of the place his manager sat up front with someone I wasn't familiar with. I didn't care to know or figure it out though, seeing as it was none of my business.

A woman around my age came out to hand us menus and drinks, smiling politely.

"Take your time," she said as she left.

Yoongi skimmed his and I glanced down once before pulling out my phone to check for any messages. I had a few emails and an apology text from Hals. After responding to her I slipped onto my "professional" twitter to see what was going on.

I don't know how much time had passed before my phone was snatched from my hands and I noticed Yoongi's glare.

"I called your name."

"My bad."

I reached to reclaim my phone, but he slipped it off the table into his pocket. With a raised brow I stared him down, but he just shrugged and pointed to the patient waitress.

"I'll just have whatever he got."

"It was seafood."

"Then I will not have whatever he got. Instead, I will have..." I looked at the menu and pointed to something in the beef section. "...that."

She left us and he stared me down, expression blank. I stared back because what the hell else was I supposed to be. When that morphed into a competition I wasn't sure, but eventually, a throat was being cleared and my tea was being sat down.

My cheeks burned from being caught in our weirdness, while Yoongi tried to hide his smile. The dork.

I busied myself drinking tea as I regained composure. Mid-sip a thought came to mind. "Oh, it's Promise Ring by Tiffany Evans by the way."

"What?"

"My current favorite song. It isn't new, but it's what I listen to at least five times a day," I said.

His brows furrowed and then he nodded his head. For a second he pulled out his phone and tapped the screen, and I protested vigorously. He just swatted my hand away until he was done and pocketed it.

The smirk he wore when I glared at him made me want to thump him, but I refrained and refused to speak until the food came.

We spent our eating time in silence or just talking about things we enjoyed. We'd spent enough time together that it wasn't some ice breaking get to know you stuff, but a deeper dive into our hobbies.

He'd grown more interested in my writing and though I'd begged him not to read anything I'd published he kept asking too specific questions. I tried to trip him up or get him to admit it, but he was a steel trap.

Just as we were finishing up his manager appeared and whispered something to him. Yoongi nodded and turned his attention to me as he walked away.

"I have a schedule later. So I have to leave soon." A small frown formed on his lips.

I waved him off. "It's fine. I too have a schedule... with my bed."

His frown vanished and he laughed at my lame answer.

Since I finished first I waited for him to be done and then we both stood from the table. When I turned to the front of the restaurant I noticed his manager with a credit card in his hand and a confused expression. The hostess was pointing in my direction and motioning for him to put it away.

A smile fought its way onto my lips, but I still tried to hide it with my hand. Yoongi handed me my phone and looked at me with confusion. Suddenly, his manager walked by and told him he'd wait out back. Before he left he thanked me for paying.

"How?" Yoongi asked, voice almost a whisper. The confusion from earlier only increasing in his expression. I guessed he was trying to figure out when I'd slipped away or called ahead.

"Oh sweetie, this is one of my favorite restaurants. They know me well and they knew that if I'm here then I pay. Regardless of how hard everyone else fights to."

He looked awestruck. I just laughed, patted his shoulder and headed towards the exit. "Maybe next time."

When we got out back his manager was already there in a car. We said our see you laters and then parted ways.

That evening as I was curled up on the couch half-watching The Office and scrolling through my stan account's feed something felt off. I refreshed the screen and saw a barrage of posts about Yoongi and it clicked.

Yoongi texted me just as my feed refreshed again to a post of pictures of the three of us and another of just him and me laughing. Sighing, I rolled my eyes and opened his message.

"Sorry, we tried to get it handled but couldn't. Statement already released. I'm really, really sorry."

I hoped he wasn't being too hard on myself, it wasn't his fault. The risks were known the moment I agreed to go out with them. Besides I wasn't bothered at all, especially since it was a good day.

But goodness, the shit show would not be fun to sift through later.


	6. Chapter 6

As with any chaos within stan Twitter or k-pop stan Twitter, it was only truly a mess for about half a day. I’d fallen asleep to it and by the time I’d woken up for work, it was ramping up again and died down my lunch.

Speculation as to why we were together and conspiracy theories about why Yoongi would ever smile at me played through for a while. Then in came the questions about if we were working together and/or friends hit. My mentions were a mess and muting them didn’t help much.

Once twenty-four hours passed talk of it was at a lull, but I was still getting questions on what we were working on. Yoongi had seen my phone when we were working and then there was another statement dropped. That one about how we’d met because of our friendships with Hals and because I’d worked with Namjoon before. They also made sure to note there would be no further comment on if we were working on anything. There was also a bit about not harassing me.

Again people were riled, but it wasn’t too bad. I was getting less hate then I predicted, but of course I still saw the occasional comment about my appearance, my unworthiness to date Yoongi even though we weren’t dating and the rare remark about my race.

The love or curiosity far surpassed that though. Many were excited that we could be working on something, especially if it was Agust D related. They’d enjoyed the music I’d helped Joon create and were ready to see what could be in store.

It stroked my ego.

All in all, it wasn’t a total shit show, so I was pleased with that. And when it was almost nonexistent on any of my accounts I was more than happy to be over it.

Especially since it all happened on the last week Yoongi would be in the US and the last few days were crucial. We ended up cooped up in my office from midnight his second to last day well into the morning and showed no signs of stopping.

“Reverb,” Yoongi mumbled, moving to remove it again.

As I downed my kind of hot tea I reached over and slapped his hand away. He turned to me, eyes narrowed with annoyance.

“Why?” he deadpanned.

Holding up a finger I finished the tea and sat the thermos down. My eyes narrowed to match him, mild irritation filling me.

“You’ve changed your mind about the reverb in that exact same section five times in the last ten hours. All without changing anything else in the track. It stays,” I said firmly.

His arms crossed over his chest and his head tilted as he stared me down. As he’d done many times in the past month, he was challenging me. Obviously, the songs were his and he had to be happy with the final product, but I wasn’t going to let him keep messing with things that were fine. So, I sat back in my chair and joined his little staring competition.

After several moments of just looking at each other he turned in the chair and removed it anyway. I raged internally.

“I’ll remove it if I want to. Sounds better like that anyway,” he mumbled in Korean.

“Not what you said two hours, but okay,” I responded clearly.

Yoongi’s head shot up and his eyes widened, as if he’d forgotten that I spoke the language and understood him very well.

Rolling my eyes I slid my chair over, knocking him off to the side so I was sitting right in front of the computer. There was a groan and he reached over to stop my hand, but I slapped it away. I wasn’t in the mood to back and forth with him about whether it should stay or leave, so I just saved it and opened up another file.

Grabbing my headphones I got to put them on, but he stops my hand again. When I turn to him he’s staring - glaring at me.

“Don’t you have some lyrics to rewrite?” I asked.

His mouth open and closed, his glare growing in intensity. It was obvious he wasn’t actually upset with me though, he almost seemed a little amused.

When a second passed and nothing happened, I removed my hand and slid on the headphones. Without a glance his way I got to work and at some point he grabbed his notebook and laptop, presumably getting to work.

He’d allowed me a great deal of control on one of the songs, which made it easier to work on without consulting him. It was the only one on the mini that was almost fully finished for a first pass through. We’d been working on the other’s simultaneously to get a general sound and though chaotic it was fun.

The genre I was trying to convey with the song was less hip hop and more R&B. It would include a lot more singing on Yoongi’s part and maybe back up vocals from someone else, but mostly all him. He was avoiding features, but for what I had in mind someone would have to lend their voice.

I’d last left off where I’d thought some piano would work out. Clearing the desk of random things I centered the keyboard for comfort and got to work. I wasn’t trained in it, though I’d taken classes to learn how to play. I could execute pieces well, but it felt very robotic sometimes. Being able to incorporate it into songs I worked on helped me progress.

As time went on I grew more frustrated with the keyboard, having a hard time getting the sound just right. Everything to start was fine, but the ending notes left me unsatisfied.

A groan escaped me and I removed my hands from the keys frustrated. In a second they were being placed back on and guided along the keys. For a second I didn’t know what to do and just let them be moved and tried to get a look at Yoongi in my peripheral.

He played the section over and over using my fingers. Each time he’d run into the same problems I had. I was sure my face was showing how dissatisfied I was about it.

Taking away one hand I pushed the headphones off, he’d unplugged them anyway so it made hearing what he was doing a little hard.

Yoongi didn’t stop though, he continued using my hand and his other one to press the keys. At some point he was leaning so close I could feel his breathing on my neck; plus I was forced to lean a little farther forward.

Just as I was about to request some space he did another run through and I froze.

“Do that again,” I blurted out.

“What?”

“Do what you just did again.” I made sure to speak slower the next time around.

He removed my other hand and I watched intently as his fingers moved across the keys. The sound felt right, but I still wasn’t sure.

“Again.”

Without question he played again, remaining quiet as my brain processed.

“One more time.”

Again he played for me and the moment he was done I took over. My fingers carefully moved across, keeping the keys he pressed in mind. I played it over and over again excitement growing as I heard it.

“That’s it,” I mumbled.

Moving my hands away I set up for the computer to intake what I was doing. I tried to do it smoothly, but my fingers just didn’t flow like they should. It sounded how it should, but it still felt wrong.

Twirling my chair around I glanced up at Yoongi, who was still stood behind me. “Can you do it? I can’t get it right.”

His expression was neutral, but there was a quirk of the lip before he gained control again. Without a word, he pushed my chair to the side and leaned over to do it himself.

“You did it just fine,” he said.

“I’d prefer near perfect before just fine. It wasn’t trash, but I am a child of the strings. One with a cello, not piano. My fingers get all tripped up.”

He laughed and did it a few times before he stopped and stepped away. With my spot clear, I got working on it, making sure to put it where it needed to be. I made sure to put my headphones on first though since I was giving him barely any hints to what it would sound like.

As I paused working and reached for one of the water bottles near him I noticed the deep-set frown he wore. His eyes were glued to his phone, but the screen dimmed before I could see what upset him.

Pushing off the headphones I turned my chair towards him, tapping his shoulder. “You okay?”

Yoongi glanced at me and then back down at the phone. If at all possible the frown only got deeper, which worried me more than before. I didn’t want to rush him though he’d say or not say it when he wanted.

After a minute or so he cleared his throat and looked my way. He appeared to try and change the expression, but it was barely an improvement.

“My flight got moved up to tonight. Need to get back to Korea sooner and to avoid some people who already seem camped out at the airport,” he whispered.

The moment the words registered my stomach felt discomfort, a minor nauseous feeling; something that only came when my emotions shifted too quickly or they were too intense.

“Oh.”

I’d grown of Yoongi’s company and kind of hated that he was leaving so soon. Of course, I’d known he’d only be in the states for a month and was well aware he was leaving the following day but it felt more sudden.

Why my reaction was that intense I was unsure.

The room went quiet again and neither of us looked each other in the eyes. I wasn’t sure what to say or do at that point.

“Don’t do that,” Yoongi said.

Confused I glanced down to see if I was doing anything weird with my body. When nothing jumped out at me I returned my gaze to him.

“What?”

“That.” Raising his hand he reached out and poked my bottom lip.

It took a second to realize it was jutted out and I was indeed pouting. But I was still confused.

“Why not?”

He groaned and rolled his eyes. Reaching up again he poked at it again, as if to push it pack. “Because it makes me feel bad.”

“Why would you feel bad?” I asked incredulously.

For a second I thought I saw a twinge of pink fill his cheeks, but it was gone before I could question it. His eyes refused to meet mine again, but I was having none of it. I reached over and poked his stomach, making him jolt and glare at me.

Three seconds later he was groaning again, leaning back in his chair with eyes closed.

“Because I liked working with you and hanging out with you. You mesh well with me and are willing to argue with me when I’m being unreasonable work wise. Plus you have some really good ideas even if they don’t end up fitting the song. And you’re nice to hang out with, outgoing and reserved enough that it’s not too draining. I like this friendship and I’ll miss it a little.”

He spoke so quickly in Korean that my brain processed the words at a delay. Once I did catch up I couldn’t stop the awe that escaped my lips, which made him huff and run a hand over his face.

“Don’t be embarrassed, I’ll miss you to my fellow chaotic introvert.”

That did nothing to please him though, just make him burrow into his shirt to get away from me. It was hilarious.

“Besides, it doesn’t stop friendship or us working together. Plus I have to come there any way to work on some stuff in person with you in a while. And maybe when I come there for other things and you’re not terribly busy being savage Suga of the internationally acclaimed boy band BTS we can hang out,” I teased.

Yoongi’s leg kicked out, but he missed my shin by a couple of inches. I burst into laughter at his reaction, which only made him more intent on accomplishing his goal. I pushed back, moving out of range though.

He glared at me and threw an empty water instead, which I wasn’t able to dodge and hit me in the side of the head.

We both ended up hunched over in laughter. When we stopped the room felt less tense then it had been before.

“We good?” I asked, holding out my hand for a fist bump.

He nodded, but ignored my hand and pulled my chair closer. Before I could ask what he was doing he’d hugged me.

Yoongi had never hugged me before. And honestly, he was a great hugger.


	7. Chapter 7

A lunchtime excursion is what I needed after a jam-packed morning. I’d been in New York for a week because of my other job and I was half excited and half drained. I’d come for a book convention of sorts, but I’d been attending other book-related things the entire time too. Meeting my agent, meeting with other authors, meeting with editors and just going to mixers. It was a lot.

I loved every solitary second of it though.

On day two of the con, my book friends and I had snuck away to have lunch at a rooftop bar we liked. Food and drinks were spread across the table as we ate and relaxed.

Some drank and some didn’t, me being part of the later even though I craved one glass of wine. It helped my mind decompress faster without getting me even slightly tipsy. But I’d put myself on a ban until later.

“Kendall, you’ve been eyeing the rosé for like ten minutes. Just get a glass already,” Sol, an editor friend, said.

I blinked rapidly and shook my head. Looking down at my orange juice I frowned but drank it anyway.

She huffed, probably over my nonsense. “Why not?”

I’d known her longer than anyone and she’d seen me drunk many times, so she knew why. “I can’t risk me turning sleepy instead of energetic. You know I have that panel.”

In the afternoon I’d agreed to do a panel on diversity in fantasy, that was by some miracle filled with POC whose identities were intersectional. We’d be having an actual conversation about how we built our worlds. And hopefully, it wouldn’t get derailed by an audience member.

After that I planned to drink, because I enjoyed it in a not getting wasted capacity and I hadn’t had a sip in over a month.

“So, about that Medusa retelling…” Sara, another author, trailed off, leaving the remark open-ended.

“No.”

“Okay, so how about that adult fantasy?”

“No,” I said again, shoving a fry into my mouth.

Sara rolled her eyes for a second but quickly went into puppy dog mode. “Why not? Why won’t you let me read what you have?”

Narrowing my eyes I shook my head at her. She’d been on me about it all weekend, which was more intense than her texts or Discord messages about it.

“Because they both need major and I mean major rewrites. Plus they aren’t my main focus right now. I don’t have time for them to be.”

“But Kennie, we won’t judge past you, we just want to see what you have.” My agent said, joining in on the harassment.

Soon the entire table was pouting at me. It was unfair, but I had to remain strong. Both stories were not things I would want to see. They were due for some major changes and made me cringe beyond belief. It was like some of my earlier music in that regards. Couldn’t really listen to it without shivering in disgust.

“No. You will wait.” I made sure to look them all in the eyes before turning to Ara. “And aren’t you supposed to be the one discouraging my wandering eye. I have a whole sequel to work on in like two weeks.”

Ara just took a sip of her tea and shrugged. Her unabashedness didn’t surprise me, she could be the worst when it came to me thinking about writing other things.

“Not like you aren’t ahead of schedule with it anyway.”

I was ready to respond sarcastically, but she wasn’t wrong.

We all quickly dissolved from trying to get me to show them my shame to talking about how con was so far. We all enjoyed it, but some were more drained than others. It was great to see people who liked books or liked out books, but after some much interaction with others, it would be hard to keep going.

It’s why we spent a lot of our non-con related meet-ups in a relaxed environment where no one was forced to say a word.

“So, any new music?” Ara instigated.

“None of ya business, ma’am.” I turned and glared at her, which made her glance away.

Rolling my eyes I continued eating in silence, listening to the conversations but making no effort to join in unless I was spoken directly to. I was so not present that I almost didn’t hear my phone ring and when I noticed it I was prepared to let it go to voicemail until I realized the voicemail.

Before anyone could say anything I snatched it up from the table where all the phones were. Everyone’s attention moved to me, but thankfully none appeared to have seen the caller ID or picture.

“That better not be work,” Sara warned.

“It’s not.”

Leaning away from her I cleared my throat and answered the phone in Korean. “Hello?”

“Hey,” Yoongi said.

“Hi.”

There was an awkward pause as usual when he called me, which always made me laugh. “What’s up Yoon?”

“Nothing,” he muttered.

My laughter increased and drew the attention of the table, which I brushed off as I collected myself.

“Nothing? You’re up at 1:00 a.m and nothing is up? If I recall you knocked out the last five nights before midnight.”

There was silence and then a scoff. “How would you know? You didn’t answer one of those nights.”

My mouth dropped open for a second in surprise, but I had no clue why. He’d been holding that over me for three days, whining about him having something important to ask me then. Yet he couldn’t recall what said important thing was.

“What was that? I couldn’t quite hear you.”

On the other end, I could hear him chuckle. He didn’t even bother to muffle it like he’d done the first few times we’d talked and he’d even slightly sassed me.

The jerk was trying to get a rise out of me.

“I will hang up on you.”

“Wait. Wait. Okay. I was working on untitled three and it inspired something else, so I wanted your thoughts,” he said.

My interest was beyond piqued. He never let me listen to things, no matter how much I begged. “Something else? Something else like what?”

“None of your business something else.”

“Well, how am I supposed to give my honest, professional opinion if I don’t know what I’m giving…”

He cut me off, “Not going to work. I can hang up instead.”

“Fine. Fine,” I said in English by accident. Again the group's eyes were on me, but I waved them off.

“Okay.”

For seconds after nothing was said and I could barely hear the clicking of what I assumed was his mouse. The more time passed the more excited I became until there was a soft melody playing.

“Shit,” he said before it stopped. “Wrong one.”

Again I was left to wait until a much more intense sound slipped through the phone. It was a much harder beat, something that felt very on brand with your typical rap song but was straddling line into metal music. I’d never assumed he’d be one for the sound.

Pushing past my shock I listened closely as he played it a second time unprompted. When it was over I played it over in my head, trying my best to pick it apart of something.

“So?” he asked.

“It’s good, pleasing to the ears. But were you trying to venture into metal music? And were you going for something so drum heavy? If yes, then maybe take away some of that cello. I think that’s a cello. Why the hell is there a cello piece in there?” The more I thought the more confused I got.

Instead of answering me he laughed. It sounded like one of his head throwing laughs too.

“Are you fucking with me?”

“Maybe,” he answered, still laughing.

“I’m hanging up!”

“No, wait. Here. This is the real thing.”

The track started the same, bass drum doing its thing and I almost hung up, but instead of the bass continuing with the cello like before it faded a little into the background. Everything that made it weird and metal was gone, replaced by a hip hop style beat that was more his style.

Once it played twice I spoke up. “I actually like this one and it’s still pleasing to the ears. Is there was a specific thing you were going for? I could be of more use if I knew.”

“No. Just wanted to see if it sounded okay.”

“Yoon, tell me. I hate the mystery,” I whined.

“No.”

Arguing with him would get me nowhere and I knew it. “Okay, then what was that other one?”

“Nope. Bye Kendall,” he said in a sing-song voice.

“No. Yoongi, tell me.”

“Bye.”

“Fine, bye.”

With a groan, I hung up and placed my phone back at the center of the table. The urge to pout and try to get him to tell me was strong, but I also couldn’t help the smile that formed.

Sara cleared her throat as I felt my cheeks begin to burn, drawing me from whatever weirdly happy place I was going. When I glanced her way her eyes were narrowed. “You said it wasn’t for work.”

As I cursed I blamed myself for not remembering that she one of the two Korean American’s at the table spoke it fluently, but that wasn’t the case. I’d simply assumed nothing I’d be embarrassed about would be said. Not like she didn’t know I knew him after I’d had her check a text for me without thinking it would be him days before.

I shrugged. “It wasn’t.”

“Sounded like it.”

“It was a friend asking for an opinion.” Grabbing my glass I hoped she’d drop it as I took a swig.

“Yup, totally. Min Yoongi just called for an opinion and that totally wasn’t adorable flirting.”

“No,” I practically shouted. Clearing my throat I tried again, “No, that’s not what happened at all. And you could only hear my side, so you wouldn’t know anyway.”

She wiggled her eyebrows and nudged my shoulder a little. “ You’re smiling way too hard for it not to have been.”

In response, my hand went to cover my mouth as I tried to push down the smile.

It’s cute. You’re both cute.”

Before I could respond someone asked her a question. As her attention diverted elsewhere I chewed the inside of my cheek and fought down the flustered feeling inside of me.


	8. Chapter 8

“But you’ve been here a week and we’ve worked on this once together. Why am I not getting in work time?” Yoongi whined.

I rolled my eyes and remained focused on the task at hand; playing Piano Tiles on my phone and trying to break the streak.

“When I’m not busy working on what I’m actually here for. Because if I remember correctly, I don’t have to be here to work with you for another month. I’m just being nice.” Clearing my throat I whispered, “And you’re holding my hostage.”

He scoffed and in the corner of my eye, I could see him mouth something, but couldn’t read it. Though I assumed it was about how I was free to leave.

And I was free to leave, but then he’d somehow get me to stay instead. He’d ask for an opinion or say I could eat lunch in the studio with him. I’d even tried to leave so I could take a nap or at least lay down before my meeting, but he’d pointed to the couch and described how it was so comfortable.

But even if I enjoyed laughing on his couch - which was too comfortable to be a couch - I still had work to do. I was already leaving ten minutes later than I wanted to.

After losing the round and beating my high score I sat up, straightening my clothes and hair.

“Well, are we still working on untitled two tomorrow?” he asked.

When I finally gave him my full attention I noticed the tiny pout that had been there before was being held back, his expression more of a resting bitch face. It was freaking hilarious, but he’d give me shit for laughing at him and I didn’t have the time to deal with it.

“Yes. I have no meetings and no writing deadlines, so whenever you have the time we can work.” 

“I have a schedule until four, so five?”

Though earlier would have been better I could probably catch up on some sleep and keep ahead of my writing schedule. “That’s fine, just text me.”

A glance at my watch I noticed I had about an hour and it took thirty minutes to get where I needed to go. Rising from the couch I slipped my phone into my back pocket and stretched out. A few phones cracked making him cringe and making my body feel so much better.

Grabbing my backpack I slipped my laptop and other stray things back inside. With how quiet it was I assumed he went back to working, but when I looked his way he was smirking at me.

It was suspicious.

“What?” I asked, halting all movement.

“Who's your meeting with?”

Rolling my eyes I zipped my bag and double-checked that I’d grabbed everything.

“Why won’t you tell me? You told Joon.”

After pulling on my backpack I did yet another sweep through and went towards the door. Once there I slipped on my shoes, ignoring the glare he was throwing my way.

“When you tell me your secrets I’ll tell you mine. See ya, Yoon.” I waved bye and made my exit.

&&&

Hours into a session I was usually drained, but with Jackson, it was always this weird energy. Even when he was being calm and very serious, there was this air of excitement and comfort. It was weird, but also enjoyable. Kept me a tad more sane then I would usually be.

We’d been working on one particular song for an album he wanted to drop in a month or so. It had been in the works for a while, but things needed to be finalized. Usually, it wasn’t a need for me to be present, but Jackson preferred for a producer to be there to the end.

“How was that?” Jackson asked as he made his way out of the booth.

“It was good, just like the other two times you did it. Is there something you’re looking for? I could be more helpful if I knew what you thought was wrong.”

He plopped down into the seat next to me, grabbing a bottle of water and downing half of it. For a minute he didn’t look at me, but from his side profile, it appeared he was deep in thought.

He shook his head. “No. It sounds right to me, but something still sounds wrong. Like the flow feels off, but I could be psyching myself out.”

Mulling over what he said for a second I rolled myself closer to the computer and nudged him over. I played the track and listened closely, trying to hear what he was. Nothing jumped out to be as wrong, but I could also see where he had the problem. After fiddling with it for a while I found a possible solution in repeating the triplet that happened right before the verse again.

With that in place, I played it again in full and turned my attention to Jackson. He appeared to be listening intently, nodding his head along as it went. When it reached the versus his expression blanked and then a broad smile formed.

“Always with a solution.” He raised his hand and we hi-fived.

“I try.”

Since it was just us finishing the final product we kept listening and trying out things here and there to ensure we thought it was the best it could be. We spent so much time playing with it, we’d ended up having to open up a new file because we’d created a new track. It would never be on the mini he was releasing, but it was fun.

A knock pulled us from what we were doing. Jackson looked at his watch and cursed. “Didn’t realize it was this late.”

“Other plans?”

“Yeah. A producer for another song,” he said as he got up to open the door.

He greeted the person in a soft voice, so I couldn’t hear who it was. When he moved and I could see my eyes widened in surprise, so did Yoongi’s.

We stayed like that for a while and then Jackson cleared his throat.

Yoongi pulled down his mask and smirked at me. “So this is where you went.”

Rolling my eyes I waved him off and turned back to the computer.

“Where she went? Was she with you before?” Jackson asked, too much curiosity lacing his tone.

Yoongi stayed silent, so I answered. “Yes, he was holding my hostage.”

“You could have left at any time,” he said.

As he spoke I mimicked him, having already known he’d say exactly that.

When the space descended into silence again I turned around to face them. Jackson had this stupid grin on his face and Yoongi was glaring at me.

“So you’re the one helping on the song I’m not allowed to hear. You restricting my access is becoming a common thing.”

He just shrugged, but I could see the way the corners of his lips started to turn upwards.

Jerk.

Jackson reinserted himself, moving to stand next to Yoongi and wearing a bright smile. “Yup. As you can see your fangirl dreams are coming true.”

I laughed. “Your name isn’t Seo Changbin, so no my dreams have not come true.”

Jackson stood there with his mouth wide, looking shocked as if he didn’t already know better. It was hilarious, so I decided to keep poking the bear.

“And then you have JB right after Changbin. I’m sure you’re somewhere down on the list.”

A gasp escaped him and a look of faux hurt overcame his features. Yoongi just looked between both of us and said nothing, but I noticed his hand move to cover his mouth; probably hiding laughter.

Jackson mumbled something I couldn’t understand and moved back to his seat, directing all his attention to the screen.

“Are you staying?” Yoongi asked, regaining my attention.

“Am I allowed to stay? And if yes must I wear headphones?”

He rolled his eyes and motioned me towards the couch. I guess the answers were yes and no.

Grabbing my stuff I relocated and got comfy. I was kind of tired but felt no need to rush back to my apartment and sleep. So pulling out my laptop I decided to sit for a while and get some writing done.

Something about them speaking amongst themselves and hearing their progress helped with my productivity. I didn’t even need to put in headphones and blast music to get writing. My fingers moved faster then they’d had the previous days and that felt so good. Having the words flow out was always good, even if they were deemed trash later.

I’d entered a zone where I didn’t even hear what was going on around me. At least that was my explanation for why Jackson threw an empty water bottle at me.

Lifting my head I stared him down, assuming I wore my ‘what the fuck” face.

“Help me with this,” Yoongi said.

Sighing I finished the sentence I was working on and then sat the laptop to the side. Hoping up I went to stand beside them, leaning down to see the screen better.

“Help with what?”

A few clicks later I was listening to the breakdown of the song. It sounded fine, though a tad empty.

My face must have shown it’s confusion because without prompting Yoongi spoke up. “You’re the cellist.”

“You played the cello?” Jackson asked.

“Mhm.” My response was distracted as I moved in closer to gain control of the computer. Yoongi rose from the chair and pushed me down into it. Without missing a beat I searched through, trying to find something that worked.

They both stayed silent and I could feel their eyes on me. As I worked through what would sound good in my head and hoped I had something prerecorded for that I felt odd and glanced towards Jackson.

He was wearing this weird smile, his head tilted and his eyes moving from me to Yoongi. I turned to Yoongi who was looking at me with a raised brow and then back to Jackson.

“What?” I asked.

He shook his head, trying to force the grin off his face. “Nothing.”

Even though I wanted to know what the heck was going on I ignored it. Turning my attention back to the track I tried to refocus, but while Jackson’s eyes seemed focused on the screen it felt like Yoongi’s were still on me.


	9. Chapter 9

I'd washed my hair a day earlier than I planned to and I had so many regrets. I was rocking a wash n' go and the hair in front of my face hadn't been trimmed enough when I got it done; not having cut it in its natural state was a mistake. So when my curls blocked my eye one too many times I ended up groaning and forcing all of it into a ponytail holder.

"I swear I'm just going to shave it all off," I muttered to myself.

A scoff drew my attention to Namjoon, who was sitting beside Yoongi at his computer. "You've been threatening that for two years. Not happening."

Glaring at him I faked like I was going to throw a pillow at him, which caused him to dodge and hit his leg on the table - hard.

I laughed so hard that it became hard to breathe, his groan of pain and curses making it worse.

"That's what you get for not letting me lie to myself in peace," I choked out between wheezing.

When I finally reined myself in Joon was still rubbing his thigh and muttering under his breath. Yoongi seemed to be back with us and not absorbed in his work with headphones on. He was shaking his head and looking between us.

Over the hours we'd been in his studio he'd been forced to endure my antics and then when Joon appeared it gotten worse. We tended to bicker like siblings and though we knew when to stop, we also knew how far we could go and get away with it.

He'd only threatened to kick us both out once. Joon had received the warning about three times and had been forcibly removed once.

Even though Joon hitting his thigh again almost sent me into another fit I refrained, Yoongi's screen drawing my attention.

"So, can we hear it now?" I asked.

"You can't," Namjoon muttered.

That time I actually threw the pillow at him, but he caught it. It left both of us surprised and him, looking a little more smug than he had been before.

Rolling my eyes I turned my attention back to Yoongi. He shook his head and pointed to Joon. "What he said."

"Why is this the only song that I'm not allowed to hear? I've heard and worked on all the others."

Both of the jerks looked at each other, having some silent conversation before turning back to me.

"Because it wasn't going to be there before and it's almost perfect how it is. Plus I want it to be a surprise. I don't know why you keep asking me when I'll say no."

I yawned halfway through his little speech.

"See, you don't even have the energy to argue with me. Just let it go," he said, wearing a smirk I'd started to hate.

I wanted to wipe the smugness of both of their faces, but then I released another yawn. Tired was setting in and when I glanced at the clock on the wall I knew why. It was almost 1:30 am. We'd been in the studio since 5 pm.

Getting up sounded horrible, but I knew I had things to do tomorrow. I'd be running around a lot for work and for things with friends I had in South Korea. Some sleep was a must.

Joon followed my eyes to the clock and cursed, getting up.

"We have schedules tomorrow and recording to do. We need to sleep," he said.

Yoongi looked like he was going to argue, but his mouth closed as quickly as he opened. Turning back to the screen he continued to fiddle with whatever he was doing, which just made Joon roll his eyes.

Another yawn pushed through and I knew that I'd have to leave or I'd end up asleep on his studio. Carefully I rose up, giving my legs the time to adjust after being under me for so long. My stretching produced many cracking sounds, which made Joon cringe and brought Yoongi's attention back to us.

As I gathered my things he looked at me with a raised brow.

"I have too much to do tomorrow to pull an all-nighter. So I'm going to go," I said.

For a moment he continues to stare, but then suddenly turns back to his computer. Joon was already halfway out the door, waving to me as he took his leave.

With my bookbag on I turn towards Yoongi, who is staring me down.

"Are you staying here?" I asked.

His lips purse for a moment and then he yet again turns to his computer without a word. Instead of working though I watch him save his work - to several things - and then shut everything down. 

A few minutes later we both have all of our stuff and are heading to the entrance. Whipping out my phone I go to request a taxi, but before I can get far he takes the phone from my hand and exits the app.

Brow raised I let him lead me out front to the one van left for the evening. Then before I could ask anything he was helping me inside and getting in behind me.

When a minute had passed with just staring at him he stared back and gestured towards the driver. Snapping out of my trance I relayed the address of my apartment and buckled in just as we started moving.

"A taxi would have sufficed."

"You're going the same way as me, it wasn't a problem," he responded nonchalantly.

There was no reason to argue with him, plus it saved me having to wait and endure and an awkward taxi ride. I wasn't in the mood to possibly deal with someone who was talkative.

The entire twenty-minute ride we stayed in silence, both messing with our phones. As we got closer I went to put my phone down and noticed Yoongi angle his away from me. Turning my head I narrowed my eyes on him, but he didn't glance my way and tilted the screen so I couldn't see it.

"Did you just take a picture of me?"

"No."

Rolling my eyes I drop it and unbuckle, we'd pulled upfront. I slide my bag back on and hop out of the car. Waving to him as I go.

"Bye dork."

Once inside I stripped down and jumped into the shower. I didn't feel like wasting time, just wanted to get into my bed. Once dried and dressed with a bonnet atop my freshly twisted hair I threw myself on the bed.

My eyes fluttered closed and I felt like I was going under, but thirty minutes later they were upon and I was very awake. The tiredness from earlier was gone, but also still lingered; teasing me about the sleep I wasn't getting.

Again I tried to sleep, but another half an hour and I gave up. Grabbing my phone from where it sat on my dresser I unlocked it and went to Twitter. My "business" one was lacking, even though most people I knew were very awake and posting. Switching to my stan account I was bombarded with a flurry of comeback announcements and photos of groups I stanned or at least liked.

I scrolled through the feed, liking things, retweeting a few and removing all the posts arguing against someone trying to start another dumb fan war. They were always stupid, because they were between the fans and trying to bring down artists or pit them against their own friends and/or fellow artists who had no ill will towards each other.

The night was riddled with claims of copying and I was having none of it.

Not wanting to feed into it I stumbled upon a comeback announcement for 1Team that I'd been waiting for and quote tweeted it with an all caps caption about my excitement.

Two minutes after the post my phone dinged and a text from Yoongi came through.

Thought you had too much to do?

For a moment I was confused, but then I remembered that he had a secret Twitter account. I'd only found out about it when he'd brought something up in conversation that I'd only posted on my stan Twitter account.

Why are you lurking on my account?

A few seconds passed and then in came a response. I'm not. I just got the notification.

Oh... you have my notifs on? I sent, actually shocked.

Minutes pass and nothing, so I assume he's fallen asleep or refusing to deal with me. The second I went to sit my phone down a call came through, a glance at the screen told me it was Yoongi and that it was a video call.

Answering it I roll onto my stomach and use the ring on the back to prop it up on my phone. It being overtly firm working to keep it stable.

"Yes, I have them on." They're the first words he says before he comes into view. His hair slightly wet, probably from a shower and his face bare.

"Aw, that's so cute. Trying to make sure you're the only one I'm gushing about online?" I teased.

He rolled his eyes, using his free hand to push his hair out of his face. There was some shuffling and then he was lying back on a pillow, free arm behind his head.

"Why are you up?" he asked.

A yawn escaped the moment I tried to talk, which made him look at me weird.

"Contrary to the sound I just made, I can't sleep. I've been laying here for over an hour trying." Sighing, I ran a hand over my face in frustration. "Why are you up?"

"Had an idea before I got to bed," he admitted.

Without a thought, I felt my face shift and a look of disapproval form. Before I could say anything though he cut me off.

"I know. I should have gone straight to sleep. I couldn't risk forgetting though. You know that feeling?"

He made a valid point, and since I knew all too well that I spent three hours writing two nights ago I let him have that one.

Another sigh and I laid on my back, staring at the ceiling and hoping to sleep. Sleep felt so close, but every time I felt I'd finally slip away it left me. I wanted to scream.

"Why Sailor V?" Yoongi asked.

"Hm?" I asked, feeling momentarily dazed. Shaking my head I collected myself and recalled the question. "Oh. Sailor Moon was the first anime I saw as a kid and my favorite TV show. And most think the V is because Sailor Venus is my favorite, which is completely false. Mercury owns my heart."

"So what is the V for?"

"My mother almost named me Vanessa."

Yoongi laughed and I turned my head so I could see him.

"Vanessa," he said carefully as if testing it out. "What changed?"

Pursing my lips I abruptly shifted positions again, turning on my side and propping my head up with my hand. "Hmm... she held me and as my grandpa was about to tell the nurse my predetermined name she called me Kendall instead. Said it felt right."

Yoongi's face didn't change much, but I could see the usual look of curiosity that peaked in people. I knew what question he was going to ask next.

"You're other parent just accepted that?"

That phrasing made me pause. No one usually asked it like that, they always implied the father role. It was interesting to hear the acknowledgment of possibly having not a father. He was still wrong though.

"I'm the sole daughter of a woman who didn't want a relationship. She didn't want to be with anyone, she dated but didn't truly care for it. But she wanted a kid and could afford to go to a clinic to make it happen. It's the kind of life that made her happy."

Again Yoongi's face didn't change much, he just nodded his head and pursed his lips. After a second or two he spoke up again.

"What's that like? I assume you still had a normal childhood," he said.

"Yup. Pretty much. Mom, my three uncles and then her two best friends who were also basically family. They all alternated the father-daughter events or my mom would come. It felt normal. Even though others would swear not having an actual dad must have made it such a lacking childhood." Sarcasm dripped from my every word as I got to the last bit.

"They're idiots."

"Agreed."

We just stared at each other, neither breaking eye contact. And for once I didn't feel like panicking and looking away quickly as I usually did with prolonged staring; it made me uncomfortable most of the time.

"Favorite color?" he asked.

"Dark gray and cyan."

"Cyan?"

"It's a shade of blue."

"Ah. Food?"

"Steak, something you know already."

"Movie?"

"Between Sailor Moon SuperS and Fast Five."

"Anime."

"Sailor Moon... and Hellsing Ultimate."

"Cartoon?"

"Scooby-Doo."

"TV show?"

"Veronica Mars."

He paused for a second, brow raised. "What is that?"

The offense that overtook my body was strong even though I knew it wasn't a show that he would have seen growing up.

"Alexa," I called out, waiting for the little noise to happen. "Add Veronica Mars to the 'Yoongi needs to watch' list."

"Adding Veronica Mars to 'Yoongi need to watch' list," she parroted back.

When I glanced back and Yoongi he looked shocked, but the smirk he wore told me he was amused. "A list?"

"Yes, there are many things that need to be rectified with you movie and television wise." I shrugged, a smile threatening the corners of my lips.

The longer we just looked at each other, the harder it was not to smile. Eventually, we both gave in and it was nice a calm and comfortable silence.

"Okay. I get to ask the questions now," I said after a few minutes passed.

Yoongi groaned and rolled his eyes.

"Hey! Don't be rude, you just bombarded me with questions."

He took one look at my face and sighed. "Okay, okay. Stop pouting and ask."

"Good. So, I'd like to discuss seventeen-year-old audition tape Yoongi's sense of style and hairstyling choices."

He groaned, throwing his head back and I hold in my laughter.

After he finally justified his life choices we spent way too much time just asking random questions. When we woke up in the morning, I couldn't recall when exactly we'd fallen asleep.


	10. Chapter 10

The conference room table was littered with papers and just looking at it all overwhelmed me. My eyes scanned over the piles and before Marcus could utter a word I got up from my seat and reorganized them.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

Without answering I continued my task. Carefully I stacked contracts that came from the same companies together but spread them out like a fan so I could grab whichever version I needed easily if need me.

Once happy I sat down, facing a confused Marcus.

I shrugged. "You had them spread out like there were all these places that wanted me, when there are four. It was making the anxiety about choosing worse than it already is."

He didn't address it aloud, but I saw the understanding in his eyes. There was no doubt that this was a nerve-wracking thing for me, as it always was. It was a huge decision and not something I could take lightly.

"So, you have five and a half months left in this contract with Columbia. You either stay on with the same stipulations with higher pay or the new contract where they conceded to about half your changes." His hand waved over to the two contracts in their pile.

That felt right, but something about it didn't sit well with me. It's all I'd known for the last few years and my biggest break payment wise, but something was calling me to venture off to other things.

"Or, you can try out Def Jam, Capital or Interscope. I know you poured over those contracts thoroughly and know what they have to offer. And they're team seems eager to back and forth with you on changes. Interscope alone has like six revisions from the original. You'd be paid a little than Columbia is offering with Capital though, but still more than now," Marcus continued.

The more he spoke the more discomfort settled into the pit of my stomach. I'd began chewing on my lip so hard that I had to release it suddenly when the pain hit.

Marcus grabbed my hand and brought my gaze to him. He wore a soft smile as he squeezed tight.

"Don't overthink. We're just eliminating today. One less on the table will make you feel a million times better. So whichever just feels wrong can go. Hell, if more than one feels wrong it can go," he said.

Nodding I allowed my eyes to return to the stacks of contracts. I stared at each of them, going over the information contained in each in my head. Every few seconds my eyes would jump to the Columbia ones, but I had to keep it on track.

After several minutes my hand moved towards the Columbia contracts to push them away, but at the last second, I pushed Interscope across the table instead.

Even though I was avoiding direct eye contact with Marcus I could see his disappointment clear as day. I too was disappointed with myself, but I just couldn't bring myself to give them up so easily.

Shaking his head he picked it up and stood from the table. "I'll go send the email and make the call to let them know. Maybe try ranking the offers by what fits your wants best and also by which environment just felt right."

Without another word he left and I slouched in my seat. Sometimes I felt like I was being too dramatic, but the entire thing was so stressful. One wrong move and I'd end up making money, but miserable.

I needed to stop stressing out so much.

Sitting up, I closed my eyes and took a slow and long series of deep breaths. They helped bring me down to a calmer headspace, which meant I was slightly dizzy. Coming down after being so worked up usually left me that way.

I opened my eyes and grabbed my drank, taking a few sips before grabbing my phone. I'd get my mind off of it for a while, but the moment I picked it up it vibrated aggressively multiple times.

Opening it showed they were Kakotalk messages from the group chat with Yoongi and Joon. Opening it there were just messages of them "yelling" my name.

What? I replied.

A minute passed and another message came through from Joon. What are you doing right now?

Nothing at the moment.

Good, answer your phone.

Before I could even finish the word phone mine was ringing with a request for a video call. Upon answering it I was met with both of their faces and the backdrop of Joon's studio.

Brow raised I watched them closely. "What's up?"

Joon who was wearing a large smile went to speak, but Yoongi held up a hand to silence him.

"Wait, what's wrong?" Yoon asked.

That threw me off. "Huh?"

"Your face looks unhappy and not the this is just my face kind."

Realization dawned on me as they both started staring at me intently. I guess my calm hadn't fully overtaken my features yet, which made sense seeing as I still felt kind of out of it.

"Just contract stuff. The one with Columbia ends soon and I'm feeling very stressed out with the options."

Just talking about it made me want to scream a little, but I kept it together.

They both frowned, not saying anything for a moment or two. It was nice to not have to say anything for a moment and not feel like they pitied me. I knew they felt bad, but it didn't feel like that non-understanding pity I got when I explained it to people who thought I was stressing over nothing simply because I had so many choices.

"Well, have you narrowed it down?" Joon asked, his voice going up an octave.

Nodding, I reached for my Mango Dragonfruit refresher and took a long sip before speaking.

"Yes. I just removed Interscope as an option. Marcus is letting them know now."

"Oh, who does that leave?" Yoongi spoke up this time, but something about his voice sounded off.

"Uh, Columbia, Capital and Def Jam. Marcus thinks a couple more might come, but they're my current choices?"

Both of them shared a long look as if they were having a silent conversation. It lasted an awkward amount of time, which didn't make me feel good at all.

"Uh, something going on?"

They ignored me for a few moments longer and then they came back to reality. Yoongi had that secretive ass smirk on his face and Joon had that look you'd see in interviews when he was trying to keep his shit together.

"Oh, nothing. We're sure you'll be fine. You're smart and know what you're doing. Everything will work out." Even though I knew it wasn't a lie, I also knew something was being withheld from me.

My eyes narrowed on them. "Tell me."

"Nothing to tell," Joon persisted.

"Yeah, I'm going to believe that when Yoon hasn't stopped smirking and is seconds away from a full-on smile."

Joon turned his head and gave Yoongi a look I couldn't quite see. All he did was shrug, which earned a groan from Joon.

"Ken, we have another contract to look at it's from..." Marcus' voice boomed as he reentered the room.

"Okay, bye!" Joon screamed and then hung up before I could say anything else.

Their reactions were beyond weird and I wanted to call them back, but I needed to give my attention to Marcus instead. The loudness of Joon had drowned him out so I hadn't heard who'd sent an offer.

"Sorry, who?"

Marcus' face lit up when I asked, his teeth on full display as he handed me a stack of papers. On top was the email correspondence and I guess the rest was the contract.

It took a second to notice the BigHit letterhead up top, but when I did I had to do a double-take. My eyes widened and I felt confusion, excitement and a tinge of annoyance fill me.

"Motherfucker."

Dropping the contract I picked up my phone and tried calling them back. The punks kept denying the call though and I was left sitting at the table just staring at the paperwork.

What the actual fuck was my life?


	11. Chapter 11

The moment the clicking sound started up again I slapped my hand against my table, gaining everyone’s attention. My eyes narrowed on Lexi, the reason for my sudden annoyance.

“Click it again, Lexi. Do it,” I challenged.

Lexi dropped the pen the moment the words left my mouth. Her eyes went wide as she stared back at me, the rest of her body frozen. When she finally glanced around the others were also glaring at her, all of us tired of her incessant noise making. She took a chunk of her curly do and used it to cover her face, probably out of embarrassment.

Why she was clicking a pen, no one knew. She wasn’t even using it, all her edits were being done via her laptop.

“And I think that means it’s time for a break,” Alex said, breaking the silence.

Everyone finished what they were working on and then there was a series of cracking bones. It sounded horrid, but it felt so good.

My brain felt like mush as I took a moment away from the chapter I was writing, but I knew it wouldn’t last for long. It had just been some time since I’d been able to sit in an environment where everyone was working and I felt like trash if I wasn’t productive like them. That was the purpose of our monthly meet-ups. Be around people we like and get work done. Any work. Though most were writing and revising things.

“Can I just burn the whole draft and hope that from its ashes a better one will emerge?” Max asked.

Goodness, how I wished that writing worked like that.

“If you manage to figure out which kind of magic allows for that please share with the group,” said Spencer, whose voice was muffled by his hands.

Alex, who’d disappeared after announcing break, returned with everyone’s chosen beverage. When she sat down my hot chocolate I almost downed half the drink before I felt the burn. I needed the placebo effect it had on me and my energy levels.

“Or you could write it and stop switching to that secret tab for that convention you keep saying you’re not going to,” Alex said.

Max gasped, hand against their chest in a dramatic fashion. It got a laugh out of everyone. We knew they’d been doing that for weeks now, claiming that they couldn’t spend any more money and it was a waste. Yet, if you ever glanced at their screen the webpage would be right there, the mouse hovering over the buy tickets button.

“At least I wasn’t switching between my draft and six other tabs, like someone I know.” Max’s gaze fell on me.

I scoffed, waving them off. “I was working thank you very much. I had some writing stuff to do and then some work stuff came to mind. I am allowed to multi-task.”

“You had two docs of writing open and one weird looking program open, which I assume was for music. So, what was the second doc for, Kennie? Do share?” Max leaned in closer as they spoke, trying to peek at my screen.

Using my hand I pushed their face away and then darkened my screen so they couldn’t see. “Nothing for any of you to know about. When it’s time you’ll know. I don’t need y’all hyping me up and then I end up getting hyper-focused on it. I’m enjoying the carefree nature of writing it without pressure.”

“And you don’t want Ara to find out,” Lexi added.

“And I don’t want Ara to find out. So silence all of you.” Even though I spoke to the group my gaze fell on Alex.

Her brow raised as she stared me down. “Why? What did I do?”

“You ratted on me last time when she asked you, don’t think I forgot.”

Like a fish her mouth opened and closed, her face screwing up as she became flustered by my words. I could even see a hint of red peeking underneath her brown skin.

“I… What? Do you expect me to lie to our precious agent? I could never lie to Ara. She’s too precious. I refuse this. This is slander,” she managed to choke out.

My eyes narrowed on her, though she no longer met them. She was avoiding them and every time she did look into them she quickly looked away.

Leaning in close I made sure she was looking directly at my face. “You sold me out for food.”

Again she didn’t seem to know what to say, but then she just shrugged. Dropping all attempts to make herself seem pure.

Lexi, Max, and Spencer just watched us and laughed. And then we all just sat in silence for a while, no one interacting unless to show someone a thing on their phone or to ask a random question that just popped into their head.

It was nice.

“I start work again tomorrow,” Spencer huffed.

In the corner of my eye, I saw Lexi suddenly sit up. “Didn’t your vacation just start?”

He shook his head. “It’s already been a week, they go by so quickly. I feel like I just started to relax.”

“The one time I got to take a two-week vacation was glorious. I miss working at that company,” Max said, joining in on the vacation sadness.

“What are vacations?” Alex asked.

“Seconded,” I said.

Without having to look up I knew they were all staring me down.

Max smacked their lips. “Um, ma’am you take them frequently. What do you mean?”

I rolled my eyes and turned my head towards the group. “Ma’am, I haven’t had one in months. A few off days do not count.”

They were silent and then Max gasped, looking at me with wide eyes. “Wait. Was your birthday the last vacation you had?”

Nodding my head I sat back and released a deep sigh. I didn’t mind my constant working, because I had a flexible schedule and off days, but when I sat and thought about it a vacation would have been awesome.

“You need to get it together,” Spencer said, while the others hummed in agreement.

Before we could go any further though my phone rang and though the immediate urge was to silence it, the ringer belonged to Marcus. So, sighing I picked it up and answered.

“Hello?”

“Hey. Sorry, Ken, I know now is supposed to be your creative outlet time or whatever it is you called that thing,” Marcus rushed out.

“It’s fine. We’re on a break. What’s up?”

“I know we aren’t meeting for another round of offer eliminations for a few days, but I wanted to let you know that I got another revised contract for Def Jam, though they haven’t made many changes.” He didn’t sound too enthused about it.

“Okay, just email it to me and I look over it again. I feel like I know what they gave in on and what they’re going to ignore.”

He sighed. “You’re probably thinking the right things.”

A small laugh escaped me. I’d shed some of my stress over the decision and found amusement in the way some of the labels were handling my acquirement. Most had no problem giving into my major concerns, but some of them just refused to budge; which made things easier.

“Was that it?” I asked just as my laptop notified me he’d sent it.

“Yeah. Wait, no. Did you finish going over the BigHit contract? I know it was a shock, but I’d prefer we get back to them sooner rather than later. I know I said we have time, but not that much time. It would be best to get it to them quickly so they can give it back.”

For a second I froze. I’d had the contract for well over a week and for the last few days had been avoiding it. I couldn’t explain why, but I chalked it up to the fear of change and left it at that.

“I…” I paused, chewing on my lip. “I, um finished it two days ago.”

“Really?” Marcus asked, sounding shocked.

“Yeah.”

There was a brief moment of silence and then I could hear him release a deep exhale. The man knew how to read me. “What’s wrong with it?”

I glanced around the coffee shop, avoiding the eyes of my friends who were engaged in their own conversations. Looking at one of them always made me want to spill my guts out and I needn’t do that.

But life didn’t work how we wanted and Alex raised her brow at me as she stared into my soul and I broke.

I pushed back a stray strand of hair from an attempt at a braided crown and sighed.

“Nothing. Nothing is wrong with it. Well, okay. There are things wrong with it, but they’re small things. Most of it is great and some of it beyond what I would ask in respects to my pay and control over projects outside of the company. Like too good. Like someone has been relaying some of my issues with the other offers to their legal team, and I’ve only complained to you, Hals, Yoongi with Joon in the room and my mother. And I wouldn’t put it past 3 of those people. Or they’re magic,” I rambled.

“Or, perhaps - going to pitch a wild idea here so be ready - they see your worth and would appreciate working with you,” Marcus reasoned.

I knew I was being a tad outlandish with that second claim, but my mind sometimes worked in weird things. Especially things that felt too good to be true and the offer was peak too good to be true.

“Send me the revisions and I’ll look them over. And if you want we can go over it together before I send it in. You know I want you to make the best choices for you and if talking it through is necessary we can. I don’t want you overthinking and regretting choices later.”

Marcus was annoying as hell, but a freaking angel. He knew me well enough to know that sometimes I needed to be coddled. But he also knew when I needed a kick in the ass and how to do it while keeping things professional. Honestly, his professional agent side differed greatly from his personal life chaoticness.

Taking a deep breath I nodded. “Uh, do you have time tomorrow? I should be less weird then and we can do the usual quick run-through before you send it off.”

“Yeah. Just email me the attachment and give me time before 2:00 pm for us to meet.”

“Okay. Thank you, Marcus. I’ll get that right over to you.”

“Later,” he said and hung up.

Without wasting time I pulled it together, got the email ready, checked my calendar and told him an 11:00 am meeting would work before sending it off.

I went to put down my phone and rejoin the group talking, but then it vibrated. The lock screen showed it was a message from Yoongi in the group chat with Joon.

Why are there pictures of my hands in here? Is this normal? Do you two have this fetish too?

I laughed so hard I snorted.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Early chapter because it is the day of my birth! And another will be posted tomorrow aka my usual posting day.

That lovely urge to burn my manuscript was back and in full force. Everything I read felt like it was already a dumpster fire, so adding actual fire wasn’t a wild concept.

I only had myself to blame for the feeling though. I’d finished the first draft in record time and Ara, the awesome woman she was, allowed me to keep the initial timeline to churn out the book. So when I had so much time left over instead of handing it over, I thought I could rewrite it so it’s less disaster. Told myself I didn’t mind having to do it and then do it however many times Ara or my editor for the series decided.

There was no greater lie.

The first ten chapters were a breeze, nothing major I needed to fix and the words just flowed out of me; better than the first draft. However, work started to hit hard and then before I knew it I’d hit a block wall with it. My music and work on other things were going fine, but the will to touch the particular story dissipated.

I’d finally reached the sixteenth chapter after a week and a half on the struggle bus that was chapter fifteen. And by some miracle, it was all flowing again. For the first time in like a month, I’d been able to pump out a rewrite in a day. It felt like heaven.

So when someone came knocking on my door like they were the police in the midst of the last five hundred word stretch I wasn’t amused.

On the other side of my door was Hals, who pushed her way inside and immediately went to my laptop. She bent down and stared for a few seconds.

“Can I help you?” I asked.

“Hm…” Another few seconds of nothing and then she turned to me. “The boys got here yesterday.”

“I know that.”

We stared at each other for several seconds, as if waiting on the other to expound on our statements. I was so deep into the fictional world that I couldn’t possibly pick up what she was putting down.

“So… you were texted that this was their day off before things got hectic and you were summoned.”

“Am I a demon?”

She rolled her eyes, clearly fed up with me. “Sometimes, but that’s not the point. The point is that you are also off today, minus the writing which I can see is almost done. Meaning you’re coming with me, since you failed to answer or look at any texts from Yoongi, Joon or the group chat.”

“I have writing to…”

“We both know that it will take less than an hour to finish that and you planned to nap the rest of the day.”

I opened my mouth to interject but had nothing. “You not wrong.”

Hals smiled, grabbing her phone and taking a seat on my couch. “Then I’ll wait and then we’ll go. Oh… you’re driving.”

Sighing, I retook my seat and got back to work. There was little time for me to internally cuss her out as I slipped back into the moment. Making sure that my main character ended the chapter full or rage and holding a knife to someone’s throat was the priority.

Before I knew it my fingers finished typing and the chapter was done. The clock on my computer alerted me it had only been fifteen minutes, which was a rare occurrence with pumping out six hundred and twenty-three words. I was pleased regardless.

“Now go change,” she said without even looking my way.

“Why am I letting you order me around?” I asked as I shut down my laptop.

“Because it would be pointless to argue with me. You’d be wasting time when we both know you want to go, even though you don’t like that I just popped up and interrupted.” The way she smiled so sweetly after made me want to throw a pillow at her.

I ended up just flipping her off and heading to my room to get dressed. With the lack of need to impress anyone, I threw on a pair of ripped gray jeans, a lilac crop top that said ‘The sky is not the limit’ and one of my million dark gray sweaters. My hair was already in two braids, so after laying my edges I grabbed a beanie and reentered the living room.

Halsey was already at the door, holding up a pair of shoes for me. I brushed her aside, grabbed the galaxy Converse I had and slipped them on. I’d swiped my phone and bag on the way to the door.

“Also you’re driving,” I said, shoving the keys into her hand and exiting the apartment.

The entire drive their she grumbled about it. It was hilarious, even more so when we pulled up at the house the boys were staying at when she jumped out without a glance my way.

We walked to the door in silence and before she could even knock Namjoon was yanking it open. The big dork was smiling way too hard when he saw us and without a word pulled us inside. I almost ended up knocking into the small table in the foyer but was able to stop myself last minute.

“Damn dude.”

“Sorry,” he said bashfully.

Shaking my head I just proceeded to kick off my shoes and then follow the two of them deeper into the house. We entered the living room/kitchen/dining room area where there were already five people: Jin, Hoseok, Jimin, Jungkook, and Taehyung.

They were scattered on the couches and chairs, all watching some show on the TV. When Joon clapped they all turned our way, smiles immediately gracing their faces as they got up to greet her.

Nerves kicked in immediately. Meeting people was always awkward as hell for me and I tended to overthink, so meeting five new people was weird.

While hiding I hadn’t noticed Hoseok slink over to me, arms wide and smile bright as ever. “Why are you hiding?”

The smile that tugged on my lips was because his was so contagious. Though hesitant I stepped into the hug. “Hi, Hoseok.”

Though we’d never met in person I’d spoken to him many times. First, when Joon had come over and they’d video chat while we worked. More so when Yoongi and I started, they talked often as well and when he’d returned back rap line tended to speak to me as a group. We clicked well and just like any in-person bonding it solidified and friendship.

“They’re nice,” he stage whispered to me.

We pulled away and I laughed, then realized eyes were on me now. They were all still smiling, waiting patiently.

“Hi.” I gave the most awkward wave of my life.

“Say it with you chest,” Joon said.

Whipping around to look at him I gave what I assumed was a look that said, ‘what the actual fuck.’ The man lacked shame though and just pushed me closer to the half-circle.

Sighing I put on my best, genuine smile and made eye contact with all four boys. “Hi. I’m Kendall.”

Before I knew it all four moved forward and spoke at the same time, but stopped when they realized. After several more seconds, they stared at each other and then tried again.

“Hello, I’m Jin.”

“Nice to meet you, Kendall. I’m Jimin.” He did that cute smile of his and I almost gushed.

“I’m Taehyung. Hello.”

“I’m Jungkook,” he blurted out. “I mean hi, I’m Jungkook.”

In the corner of my eye, I could see Joon roll his eyes and Hals trying not to laugh. I myself wanted to laugh, but Jungkook looked a little embarrassed.

“It’s nice to meet all of you.”

Before I could say anything else there was a jab to my side that made me jump. Whipping around my finger was already raised and inches from Yoongi’s face.

“You need to stop doing that. You pretend it’s a light poke, but it’s like your trying to push that bony finger of yours in between my ribs.”

All he did was shrug and smirk. Then he pulled me into a hug I wanted to reject but didn’t. His hugs were always nice and we always lingered longer than normal, but when I remembered where we are I casually pull away.

Hals, being the awesome person she is, directs attention to her so there’s no weird silence afterward.

“Sorry, would have been here on time but she was writing and I know better than pulling her away without finishing,” she said.

“Writing? I thought you were on a break after finishing the draft?” Yoongi asked in Korean.

I froze. Part of me thought I’d told him, but then I remembered I’d chosen not to. He’d been lecturing on taking a break of some kind because of all the projects I had, and I’d pretended to consider that.

“I’m rewriting it,” I mumbled.

“What did she say?” I heard Jin ask Joon in Korean.

Joon just shook his head, taking a step closer to me. He was only a few inches taller so he didn’t completely tower over me, but it felt like he was; staring down at me menacing. Hell, the same feeling was created when Yoongi also stepped closer and we were just about the same height.

“She said she’s rewriting it,” Joon said.

In the background, I could see Hals watching intently with a smirk on her face. The jerk knew what was coming next for me, I was very sure that the entire situation was a set-up at that point.

“Thought you were going to take a break?” Yoongi stepped closer again and I tried to step back, but Hoseok just pushed me forward again.

I made a mental note to beat his ass at a later time.

“What I said was that I would try to. But then I breezed through those last chapters and thought a rewrite wouldn’t kill me.” I tried to play it cool. Tried.

His eyes narrowed and he crossed his arms as he moved closer; Joon doing the same.

“She also is exceeding her producing limit which is three projects at a time to five as of last week. Plus she’s still working on that anthology,” Hals added.

Whipping around I glared at her. She just continued to smirk at me, especially when the boys moved even closer leaving me no escape.

“Why do I tell your punk ass anything? Why?”

Joon tapped my shoulder to bring my attention back to them and while he looked more amused than before Yoongi did not. His brow was raised and he was making that face he made when he was genuinely upset.

I was ninety-five percent sure if I made the wrong move I’d be murdered.

“Wait. It’s not that bad. Yes, it’s a lot but I’m handling it. The projects are at varying stages, two of them almost done. The anthology is just editing and rewriting certain parts of it. And I just finished the sixteenth chapter of the rewrite, leaving me with eight chapters left.”

Even though I was appealing to both of them I focused on Yoongi. I’d even given my little mercy pleading in Korean, though that hadn’t been intentional.

If nothing else showed how close I was to them and how I genuinely cared allowing them to scold me about being a knucklehead did. For over a year Joon had already been like a brother figure, we’d clicked and he’d asserted himself that way. Yoongi had made it clear at the beginning of our friendship how he’d operate if I was doing something slightly stupid. Hell, even Hoseok had grown comfortable enough to call me out on my bullshit.

For a second I thought I saw Yoongi’s expression soften, Joon’s did, but I was proven wrong.

Yoongi huffed. “You overwork your brain too much. You need to rest.”

“I promise things clear up in like a month. My mom and Marcus talked me into making myself unavailable for a month. Most of my stuff will be done by then and I’m restricted from starting new things. Plus it gives me time to truly sit and think about contract stuff.”

For a moment we just stood there, but then he sighed and he shoulders dropped. “Fine.”

With that, I let out a sigh of relief and then was aware of those around us. Most of them wore a confused expression, while Joon and Hoseok were trying not to smile. Halsey was hiding behind Joon was I couldn’t see her.

“So, back to the movie?” Jungkook asked, breaking the silence.

Everyone nodded and headed towards the seating. They all gave me brief smiles as they went by, but Jimin had this weird little smirk on his face that I didn’t have time to decipher. Hals tried to run past me quickly, but I pinched her arm and flipped her off as she went.

When Joon went past he paused to throat chop me, which I failed to block. “Stop being hard-headed.”

Hoseok walked by and I immediately punched his arm, to which he dramatically gasped. But he knew what he did, so he went on his merry way. It left me and Yoongi who just stared for a moment and then inclined his head so I would follow. I ended up on a smaller couch between him and Hoseok.

The atmosphere was nice and I got to know the other guys a little better. From my point of view, they were cool and none of them seemed to hate me. I knew I’d been awkward to start, but as time went on it became more comfortable.

We went through a few movies and ordered food at some point because no one was in the mood to cook anything. Everyone tired for one reason or another. Before I knew it though, I was drifting off to sleep on the couch. My body falling to the side and onto Yoongi’s arm. I was aware of it, but sleep had its hooks deep in me and I couldn’t move.

In my half-sleep state, Yoongi had adjusted me so I leaned comfortably on him. And just as I almost went over my phone went off, startling me awake. Fumbling for a bit I pulled it out to see it was Marcus, meaning I should answer. Before I could the phone was taken and tossed to Joon.

“Handle that,” Yoongi said.

I went to protest, but Joon was already on the phone greeting him. The haze of sleep was already reclaiming me, so I could barely make out what they were saying. I tried to shake it off, but then I was pushed back down onto Yoongi’s shoulder.

“Go to sleep, Kendall,” Yoongi said.

It was that last thing I heard before my body finally gave in.


	13. Chapter 13

“You look fine, stop being weird about it,” Hals said.

I’d been standing in front of the mirror for about five minutes assessing myself. I was pleased with my hair, it had a large braid in the front which led to the rest of my hair in its natural curly-coily state in the back. My make up was also fine, it was a little more than my usual bare minimum - if I had the patience to put it on at all - and looked very pretty.

The issue arose as I looked at the dress I was in.

I’d chosen a long-sleeved, lilac dress that was almost floor length and had a long slit up the side. The dress was beautiful, it gave me complete motion with how flowy it was and I loved it. And I liked it on myself but kept overthinking it.

Shaking my head I took a deep breath and nodded. “Yeah, I kind of wish I also bought the olive one.”

In the mirror, I could see Hals try to smile, but her make-up artist was moving to her lips so she stopped.

One last look and nod of approval I moved and ensure that my phone was charged and shoved it into the pockets I’d had a tailor add onto the dress. After throwing in the thin wallet I bought for situations where I wasn’t carrying a bag and a tub of the lipstick I was wearing I was ready. So was Hals.

Slipping on the gray heels that had been forced onto me we headed out. And oddly enough I didn’t feel the regret I thought was sure to come. It wasn’t like I’d never been to an award show, and this time I’d have someone there with me.

When we arrived Hals squeezed my hand and we got out of the car, led by security towards the carpet. Regret still didn’t come, but my stomach was churning because I’d agreed to actually walk the carpet with her.

Again she squeezed my hand, then hooking our arms we entered the belly of the beast. I pushed off my resting face and forced on a smile that was actually genuine; because even with nerves it was exciting and nice to be out.

As we walked through and she spoke to people I stood by her side in silence. The only time I spoke is when asked a question or if I was introducing myself. We kept the greeting to my actual name and the status of friend. My identity was far from secret, but I hated answering questions about it. Most didn’t recognize me, so it worked out well.

We were on the third interview of the carpet and then that’s when I heard them. Turning my head to the side the artist who’d been trailing behind us was no longer there and instead there was BTS. They all had on their serious faces as Joon was answering a question.

Jungkook turned his head and saw me looking, so he smiled and waved. As our interviewer noticed me wave back he turned to see the boys, and immediately directed the course of it that way. He gushed and asked Hals about their friendship. The questions she always got. And when the boys finished and walked our way he wasted no time in making it a group affair.

Before any of that, I was engulfed in hug after hug, them switching off between Hals and I. The interviewer tried to gain control, but it took a moment. By the time we’d settled, I was sandwiched between Hals and Joon at the center of the group; which I did not care for.

“So, we all know about the friendship you guys have with Halsey. It’s a beautiful one and going on for years now. But you all seem familiar with Kendall too. Is it a she’s Halsey’s friend and now your friend thing?”

Why the hell that mattered I wasn’t sure, but I was just going to keep my face in check.

Joon cleared his throat. “Yes and no. I worked with Kendall as a producer on a project of mine a few years ago. We worked well together and Halsey put us in a lot of out of work situations. And Yoongi was here for a month a while ago, so they also clicked.”

“Together on a project?” he asked, sounding perplexed.

“Ah, yes. Sometimes I forget that the name she uses for producing is Sailor V instead of Kendall.”

With focus on me, I started to feel a little hot, I did not like those kinds of situations. Pressure would build up and I did not thrive in the particular kind of pressure.

The interviewed eyes widened as if something dawned on him. “Oh. Oh… I’ve heard of your work. You’ve been all over the map working with artists. You just finished with Nicki Minaj, right? She seemed very excited about what you created.”

“Yes.”

Every part of me suddenly felt the urge to flee, my arms moving behind my back so I could clench and unclench my fist without anyone seeing. About three in I felt a hand move into it, squeezing tight. I refused to react but did squeeze back in thanks.

Again the interviewer nods and sets his sights on me, but Hals being the best person ever interjected.

“Well, we have seats to get to. Have fun boys.” With that, she grabs my hand and leads me away.

I clung to her arm tightly as we hit the home stretch, pausing for one moment so she could take her last set of pictures. Afterwards, she dragged me inside to our seats and once my butt hit it I was grateful.

“Thank you,” I said.

Hals smiled and squeezed my hand. “I know you hate it and we all know he was going to get specific. Next thing you know you’re avoiding answering specifics about the Nicki project and then the one with Yoongi. I’ve encountered him more than once.”

Sighing, I relaxed in the seat as she moved to go speak to someone a few seats away. I’d zoned out so hard I didn’t notice the boys arrive and sit behind me until someone tapped my shoulder.

Turning around I had a grinning Hoseok waving at me as if we weren’t inches apart from each other. I just extended my arm and waved back.

“You okay?” Jungkook asked, his face a little unsure.

I nodded. “Yeah, sometimes it’s overwhelming. I didn’t expect things to turn that fast. It wasn’t the worst thing ever though.”

He appeared unimpressed, but I smiled and slowly he came around.

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Yoongi staring me down, so I turned my full attention to him. We just stared at each other for a while. Eventually, I raised a brow and mouthed the word what to him. He just shook his head and turned to whisper to Joon.

Hals returned and we all talked for a while, but then the show was going to start and we needed to show we “wanted” to be there.

Everything was going smoothly and I enjoyed myself. The performances were great, even if I wasn’t that into the song most people gave their all. As we grew closer to the end and the boys had already won their award I was over it. But I looked forward to Hals, who would be the closing performance.

She’d left to prepare and Joon has taken her seat in the absence. They were in the midst of the last award of the night, which I’d forgotten she was up for when her name was called. She rushed out on stage, dressed in her performance outfit and beaming.

Her acceptance speech was her gushing about the honor and talking about her love for the song. She went on to thank everyone and then she took a turn I didn’t see coming. She stared at me directly, which freaked me out for a moment and I was sure my face showed.

“And thank you Kendall, or as you’re credited Sailor V, for helping me get this song out of my dreams and into a reality. Even when it got really weird and you were questioning what the hell I was doing you let me work it out and didn’t just shut the ideas down. Love you,” she blew a kiss and then left the stage.

Even though I swelled with happiness and pride I could also feel the mild embarrassment. Her singling me out wasn’t bad in the slightest and she was aware of my limits, so I wasn’t the least bit mad. However, I was sure that the blush on my cheeks was strong enough that it could be seen.

Knowing the cameras were on me I covered my face and tried to get it together. I could feel the guys pat me on the back and laugh a little. Joon tried to give reassuring words, but he sucked at hiding his laughter at my awkwardness.

A moment later I got myself together and sat back in my seat. The host was talking and everyone - including the cameras - was focused on her. She was giving some ending monologue.

For a second it felt like someone was touching my shoulder, but I thought I was feeling things. Then it happened again and I turned to look at Joon, but it was not Joon. Yoongi sat there, which I hadn’t noticed before. They had to have switched when I was trying to stop being so flustered.

“You okay?” he asked.

I nodded, but that didn’t seem to appease him since he just glared at me.

“I’m fine,” I whispered.

My eyes kept flickering back towards the stage and the cameras. The host was talking way too long, but it was fine.

When my gaze flitted back to Yoongi he still eyed me suspiciously. At first, I was confused by his worry, but then it dawned on me. We’d been at some sort of producer mixer thing during his month stay and he’d experienced me getting too overwhelmed by attention. I’d denied the effect of it all until it was too late. He had to help me come down from an attack in an empty conference room. It had not been fun.

A small smile formed at the realization and I turned to make direct eye contact with him. “I’m perfectly okay.”

He stared at me for a moment, but then I saw a small smile formed on his face as he turned away. My focus went back to the stage and we watched as Hals performed her newest song for the first time. We sang, danced and cheered along.


	14. Chapter 14

For the twentieth time that afternoon I opened Twitter up and began to type up a post, but halfway through stopped myself and threw the phone to the side. The urge to respond to people being dumbasses was so strong.

"Do I need to take your phone away?" Yoongi asked.

He wasn't looking at me, just typing away in the notes app on his phone. Something about lyrics he needed to get out and not being in the mood to go look for his notebook.

"Maybe."

Without missing a beat or stopping his typing he extended on of his hands out to me. I picked up the phone and was going to place it in his hand, but snatched it back at the last moment.

"Wait, no. I'll just lurk on Instagram. I'm sure making myself hungry looking at food pics will make me forget the antis and the fans defending your virtue against me."

He scoffed, eyes flickering over to me finally. "Defending my what? There is nothing to defend. I'm an adult who can live their life how I please. I'm allowed to whisper to my friends and not automatically be in some secret relationship."

'Tell them that' is what I wanted to say out loud in a very snarky voice, but refrained. Instead, I just went to Instagram and scrolled through the posts. Nothing to piss me off, because I refused to look at the comments under my most recent posts. I'd done that like an idiot the day the news dropped.

And it was so annoying because it wasn't news. It was some "fan" sneaking a high-quality camera into the show and finding the right angle to snap pictures. They'd gotten quite a few, mostly of the boys. Some of Halsey. Some of me talking and laughing with the boys and Halsey. But that hadn't mattered at all, because even though I'd had Joon and Jungkook whisper things to me at different times, it only mattered that Yoongi did. Because goodness forbid we be seen together being comfortable twice in the span of months.

Most didn't care, but the vicious little circle of toxics that always tried to start shit were laying it on thick. And they easily roped in the trolls of who gave a shit about piling onto k-pop drama and not the music itself. Even worse were the newer and naive fans who just listened to what they were told with no fact-checking.

It was annoying and less stressful than I thought a "scandal" would be. Probably because they were stupid rumors and most were telling them to lay off. Most ARMY, other fandoms, and multis seemed to get it.

But I had to admit the racism and comments about my appearance or quality of work were pissing me off. And were the main reason I was ready to go on a rant, but I didn't want to make things crazier because I went on a rampage.

"So...," Joon said as he entered the room.

He'd been sitting on the couch beside me, but then vanished for twenty minutes when he got a phone call. When he left he'd looked stressed, but now he seemed calmer; though the phone was still clutched in his hand.

"What's up?" I asked.

"So, I know you've wanted to rage at the world for the past day and a half. And you are also free to do whatever you please, no matter what anyone says. And that you haven't for our sake, but Bang PDnim said he wouldn't be upset at all if you addressed it. He welcomes it, actually." He spoke so slowly, as if testing the waters, that I'd gotten annoyed halfway through.

For a moment I weighed my options because I'd honestly been more worried about the backlash on them and Bang being upset with me more than them being trash to me. They wouldn't affect my job as a producer at all, they didn't have that power. And if they hate bought my books to do whatever with them it would just be more money towards me getting royalties.

In the end, the energy didn't seem worth it, but then the option to go live on Insta presented itself and a smile formed. "How does a live sound? Haven't done one in a while for my normal few people who care. I know they'll be lurking there."

Joon put the phone back to his ear and asked, after a few seconds he said his goodbyes and hung up.

"Go ahead," he said.

Without a word, I got up and headed to the kitchen, it was where I did most of my lives. Which made me happy that we'd (Hals) had chosen my place to hang out, I didn't want those questions about where I was for the first half an hour as people appeared.

Propping my phone in its usual spot I got the live started and moved off-camera to grab a can of pop from the fridge. When I returned there were about thirty people present and the number was steadily climbing.

"Yeah, I think the last live was like a month ago. Probably something book-related too," I said in response to a question.

A few more minutes ticked by and the number reached several hundred and then I knew it was time.

"Hello, my people. How are you? I hope you're good or not as shitty as you were the day before. Thought I'd do a live because it's overdo and for another reason. Though today won't be music or writing focused, just us talking. And then me going into a monologue at some point."

The chat flooded with responses and asking me how I was. A second later came the first asshole, which didn't surprise me. In fact, I'd expected they'd appear faster than ten minutes in, they were slipping.

"I'm good. Tired, but I'm on a tiny break from all my work. No music to make and ahead of writing-related deadlines. This weekend has been me being forced to relax until things ramp up again next weekend."

Where is the music? It's so quiet. Someone commented.

"Oh, shit you're right. I've been around people all day and can still hear them in another room, so it seems louder to me. Alexa play Always and Forever playlist."

A few seconds later and the sound of Missy Elliot's Lose Control was filling the space.

The number had climbed to the thousands in the blink of an eye and there were more people with k-pop profile pics. Some of them were familiar from other streams, some of them asking me a thousand and one BTS questions. The few were those that were obviously by trash and or trolls; who were the ones I wanted there the most.

What are you working on music wise?

"Well, I'm mostly finishing up projects. I'm going on a half forced, half chosen break for a month. So no new projects as of last week. I'll be finishing up most of my stuff in a week or two and then I'll still have other things, but they aren't as pressing."

But what specifically?

"You know I'm not answering that one. I never do."

There were a few requests for a tiny hint and some all capped ones about if any of those projects were SUGA related stuff.

"Maybe," I said, giving no context to what I was answering.

In my teasing, I hadn't noticed Yoongi until he came in and bumped me to the side with his hip. He took up half the screen and his head blocked me from being able to read the screen at first. I had to lightly shove him to the side.

But even without looking I knew that chat was losing its shit.

"So, you do have a break after all?" He asked in English, his tone accusing.

I rolled my eyes and tried to focus on finding the questions where people weren't excited. His appearance was sending the viewers into numbers I'd never hit before, I should have started the live with him there.

"I never said I didn't have a break coming up. All of you just started scolding me without asking other questions."

WHAT IS YOONGI DOING THERE?!!??!!!!

SHSJSKSKSKA

She said all. Is all of BTS there?

skskskksks what is goign on?

Told you they were dating.

I made a face at the last one, turning to him with a 'what the fuck' face, one he also returned.

Then I turned my attention to the screen. "We aren't dating. We're working together. We're friends. That's it. You all have literally seen pictures with Hals so in my face we're almost kissing and not one dating rumor has appeared. And that would also be false."

"Why didn't we get any dating scandals when we worked together?" Joon asked in Korean off-camera, slowly moving closer.

"Because we obviously radiated big sibling energy," I responded.

Yoongi chuckled beside me, a smirk on his face.

"See, even Yoon agrees."

Joon opened and closed his mouth, probably trying to find a response to that. But then he just huffed. I thought it was over after that, but then he mumbled something.

"I don't give off sibling energy."

From there on it just the three of thus talking about how he does, reassuring him that it's only with certain people and just otherwise talking shit.

"Pay attention to you live people. You have everyone confused and only like 20 people understand what you're saying," Halsey shouted from wherever she was.

We'd gotten so caught up I had forgotten about the live and didn't realize we'd speaking purely in Korean. Turning back to the screen I read the comments that were now zooming by faster than I could read.

what are they saying?

She speaks Korean?

HELLO PAY ATTENTION TO US

Was that Halsey?!??!?!

"Yes, that was Halsey." I turned towards the doorway and yelled, "Bring your butt out here."

There was shuffling and one set of footsteps turned into multiple and soon the kitchen was flooded with people. The space felt smaller as they all tried to bunch in where we stood at the island. At some point, I just picked up the phone and moved it around so they all could look and or wave.

"They have invaded my home and I don't know how to get them to leave," I teased.

"You love us," Hals said.

She'd worked her way up next to me, knocking Joon to the side a little. Her eyes were trained on the phone, now propped up where it had been before.

"Hey, guys. We're all tired and decided to hang out indoors instead of going out. Jungkook and Tae are teaching me how to play Overwatch. Ken tried months ago, but said I was a lost cause."

I scoffed. "The lies you tell."

Before anything else could be said the doorbell went off, but Jin stopped me and went to go check himself. A few seconds passed and then there was a shout.

"Food's here!"

That's all it took for everyone to scramble out of the room, leaving me with Yoongi who was standing off to the side and kind of out of sight.

My stomach grumbled and I sighed. "Okay. This did not go down the path I meant it to, but whatever. I'm going to eat and then I might just post what I wanted to say on Twitter or something."

Just as my finger moved to the button that would end the live so I could say bye, it was snatched out of my hand.

"What are you doing?" I asked Yoongi.

He held up a finger to me and continued to stare into the camera. After a moment he spoke in English, taking a moment to get the right words out.

"Recently rumors about Kendall and I have happened. This is the second time and the rumors while not true would be fine, but attacking her is not. We are not dating. We are friends. And ARMY or trolls attacking her based on her race, appearance or in general are not cool. She's a great person and friend who I've grown to know over the months. We met because we are working together and our friendship grew from there. I would hate for this fun time we have creating music together to be ruined by people being rude. So stop. If you consider yourself my fan and ARMY and treat her this way then you are not my fan or a real ARMY."

Yoongi then proceeded to hand me the phone, which I almost dropped in shock of his little speech. I had not expected him to deliver the message himself, but it was nice.

After a moment of the camera facing the ground, I pulled it together and readjusted so I was looking into the camera.

"Uh... maybe I don't need to post that thing after all, but I still might." My words were slow as I was still recovering from shock.

"Come get food before someone else tries to take it," Jungkook yelled.

"So, yeah. Gotta go. Have a nice day. Bye."

With that, I ended the live and turned off my Instagram notifications, because I knew they'd be a shit show. Yoongi who was smirking simply grabbed my hand and dragged me out to the living room with the others.


	15. Chapter 15

A hard knock on my bedroom door had me looking away from my phone and sitting up. My mother stood in the doorway, giving me a fake glare.

“Get your butt out here. Everybody’s here and ready.”

Without a word I got off the bed, grabbing my phone and power bank before padding out of the room. I could hear them downstairs before I even made one step, being rowdy as usual. When I finally got there they were all surrounding the coffee table, grabbing at the containers of Chinese food laying about.

“Drop it, Uncle Myron. You know that’s not for you.” I said.

The collective turned their heads to see me standing there, everyone’s expressions shocked. Then all at once the five of my uncles were pulling me into hugs that were way too tight.

“You didn’t say you were coming,” Uncle Joseph said as they pulled away.

“She surprised all of us,” my mother chimed in.

They all turned to glare at me, but I just smiled and walked past them. “I finished work that I needed to be present for early and thought I’d just pop in. I’m going to be on a vacation for the next month.”

I was already sitting on the floor at the corner of the table with my container of vegetable fried rice when they sat down. Uncle Bryce tried to grab it and when that failed tried to go for the general tso chicken that was also solely mine; each time he got his hand slapped.

“A vacation? You?” Uncle Phillip scoffed as he shoved his nasty shrimp fried rice in his face.

“Yes, I take those sometimes. It’s been a while and even though I still have things to do, but nothing pressing and there’s a no project thing in place for the next month. I think it would be good for me.

I could practically hear my mother roll her eyes. “And Marcus made her.”

“Yes, and Marcus made me.”

They all laughed and poked fun at me because they knew better than anyone that I needed to be pushed to take a vacation sometimes. Even if I really wanted it or felt like it would do me some good I wouldn’t. Sometimes I got too worried that I’d completely slack off, which was stupid since I still maintained my schedule to get things on deadline done in the midst of every vacation.

Uncle Byron nudged me softly, smiling down at me. “Well, we happy to see you and that you’re relaxing. What are you going to do? Travel some? Never leave your bed?”

I shrugged, continuing to eat my food. “I’ll see what I feel like as the days pass.”

After that, we all descended into the silence that was eating and watching Shameless for the hundredth time. We all enjoyed the chaos that was the show and would always end up rewatching it when together or we’d watch the anime Hellsing Ultimate. Took us forever to start new stuff when hanging out.

Once dinner was over and things were cleaned up, Uno was the new focus. And as usual chaos and betrayal were the only things present.

“You can’t stack Draw Fours!” Uncle Phillip tried to push the cards away.

“Yes, the hell I can!” I said, blocking his attempt.

“Since when?”

“Since always. Just because you went elsewhere and got used to their weak ass rules doesn’t mean they fly here. Now pick up sixteen cards.”

Everyone except him tried to keep a straight face but ended up bursting into laughter. He was not pleased in the slightest, or that’s at least what I gathered from the deep-set frown he wore.

The game was getting more intense and I swore Uncle Bryce was cheating, but it mattered not to me.

Placing down the other five cards I had that were all different colors, but all the number three. “Uno. Uno out!”

I was the first to accomplish this and fist-pumped in victory, which just earned a whole lot of glaring my way. My mother even jabbed me in the side, which hurt like hell.

“Cheater,” Uncle Bryce mumbled.

“How?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know, but you did.”

“You’re one to talk.”

His mouth opened and closed as he seemed to get what I was implying. Glancing away from me he focused on the game, probably hoping not to be the loser as usual.

Sitting back I grabbed my pop from the table and watch is all unfold. My mother was hardcore glaring at Bryce, which meant she too was noticing something off about him. It would be hilarious if he was caught and had to suffer the penalty.

“So, dating anyone Kennie?” Uncle Joseph asked.

My face scrunched up and I eyed him carefully. He wore a blank expression, but it felt like he was up to no good. He was almost always up to no good. He was the class clown of the uncle collective.

“No, but she does think someone is cute and has developed a crush?” Mother said without even glancing my way.

“Where are you pulling this information from, mother?” I asked.

“Your face and the sweet boy who you were talking to yesterday. Same sweet boy from when I called and video chatted you a few months ago. He’s cute and seems to like you.”

If she didn’t always seem to pick up on things I would have been shocked by her conclusion. All of my life she’d been able to suss out things with ease and it was creepy then, but I’d learned to get used to it. Not like I lied to her about anything anyway. But I had to admit her picking up on feelings that I was just accepting made me feel awkward. Also the thought of Yoongi returning them.

“Sure. Maybe. I don’t know. I refuse to have this conversation.”

“Aw, why not? Don’t want to address your feelings?” Uncle Phillip teased.

Turning to the side I stared him down. “Want to discuss that time you and my mother dated when I was seven and eight? The thing you don’t think I remember?”

Both of them choked on air and their eyes went wide.

“How?” mother whispered.

I shrugged. “Not my fault you tried to sell that whole all of these are your uncles, even though two of them aren’t blood related narrative so hard that you thought sneaking around a curious seven-year-old would work out. Not like I would have cared, I understood the difference.”

Everyone had paused and the awkward silence made me laugh. It was so funny when they were all left so shocked that they couldn’t say anything. My daughter earned a punch to the arm from my mother, which stung for ten minutes after. Didn’t stop me from laughing though.

After they all took a moment to breathe and got back to their game. Just as my phone rang Bryce was found out and they were all yelling accusations at him.

I didn’t leave the room but curled up in the loveseat a tad farther from the main couch. Turning on my headphones I slipped them in and answered the call as they connected.

It took a second, but Yoongi’s face filled the phone. He seemed to be in a dance studio, at least that’s what I got from the large mirrors. Also the small glimpse of Jungkook being a dork in the reflection.

“Hey.”

He didn’t say anything, just squinted and looked behind me.

“What?” I asked.

“Are you not at home? That doesn’t look familiar and it seems darker than it should be.”

The realization that we hadn’t spoken much the past few days hit me. That and I’d only told Marcus and my boss that I was going to be leaving for Chicago.

“Oh, no I’m at my mom’s house. So, two hours ahead.”

Yoongi just continued to stare, his expression still confused. In an instant it shifted to a glare, his entire face becoming one he used when he was about to accuse me or someone else of something.

“You started your vacation early and didn’t tell me?” He sounded offended.

“...maybe.”

For the longest he just stared at me, his eyes narrowing so much that I wasn’t completely sure that they were open at all. But I could still see them scrunching up more and more, then opening wide again. He changed his strategy and then he was pouting, though I wasn’t sure if it was on purpose or not.

Everyone knew that the cuteness exuded was my weakness and were not afraid to use it against me.

“I’m sorry. I finished up faster than expected and decided to come home. I still don’t know what I’m going to do about the rest of the vacation though. Plus, plus only the people in charge of me know.”

He huffed but seemed to accept my response. The pout remained and I internally gushed at the way his cheeks puffed out but tried my best to keep it together. I hadn’t even realized I’d started smiling until he was smiling back at me.

“I feel like I could pinch your cheeks from here,” he mumbled. It was so low I was sure he hadn’t meant for me to hear it, which was backed up by his eyes going wide and him staring me down.

Keeping it together I tried to maintain the same face as before, not wanting for him to do that thing where he got shy and awkward. That always led to him to rushing off the phone and I wanted to talk to him. I’d grown used to calls or video chats almost daily when he wasn’t too busy.

“So, why’d you call without warning?” I asked, hoping his mind wouldn’t linger.

“Oh, I wanted to see if you ha…”

Before he could finish there was a scream from the other side of the living room that caught my attention. I’d been so preoccupied with him that I’d forgotten what was happening in the room.

Uncle Bryce was laying on the ground sprawled out as a bag of ice was being poured into his pants, he looked so distraught.

My eyes moved back to the phone and I smirked. “Want to see something equal parts funny and chaotic?”

At first, he looked annoyed, then curious. After a second he nodded and then I switched it to the other camera. He got the view of them shoving the last remnants of the ice bag into Bryce’s pants. His jaw dropped as he watched on.

"We're adults, how are we still doing things like this?" Uncle Bryce asked, trying to sound calm.

Uncle Phillip scoffed. "Yeah, we're adults so shut up and take your cold balls like an adult."

Trying not to laugh I switch back to the front-facing one. Yoongi kind of looked scared for a second or two.

“Why?”

With the straightest face I could must I said, “He dared cheat at Uno, he knew the consequences. He’s lucky it isn’t winter, or he’d be sitting outside in the cold for fifteen minutes naked.”

That did not clear his confusion.

“Why… what?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know Yoon, these were the laws they created when they were still in college. I merely abide by them.”

He went to speak, but then there was someone yelling in the background. If I’d heard correctly it was saying the break would be over in like three minutes.

Whatever he was going to say forgotten his face went neutral and much more serious. My stomach churned feeling so unsure of what he’d say next.

“Okay, I have to be quick. You have a month off and as you said no plans, right?”

I nodded.

“So, I know you’ve at least gotten a glimpse of your other work environments even if you haven’t worked there. And Bang PDnim and Joon were talking, which I overheard and now we’re wondering if you’d like to come here for a few weeks. Just to get a sense of the work environment.” He spoke so quickly that my brain jumbled the words and I had to take a moment to decode it.

When I caught up I froze a little. “Me in Korea for a few weeks?”

He nodded eyes flickering off camera and then back at me. “It would give you some more information before you make your decision.”

“Uh…”

A hand wave drew my attention to the collective, who was mostly still laughing at Uncle Bryce trying not to cry. But my mother was looking at me and nodding her head. I was confused and then she mouthed ‘do it’ and I understood.

My gaze moved to him and he was now standing up and standing next to Joon who was staring elsewhere.

“What happened to me not working much during this break?” I teased.

He rolled his eyes and grinned, his urgency gone. “It’s not even work. You’re not even bound to do anything, just hang out and meet everyone.”

I pursed my lips as if thinking. “Well, I’ve met two of the producers there and already have some complaints.”

“Hey!” Joon tilted closer to the screen and threw me a playful glare.

“I’m kidding. Sure, it sounds like it would be nice. I’d be traveling, exploring and still not feel so useless doing nothing.”

Yoongi smiled wide and Joon shouted yes before being scolded by someone that sounded like Hoseok. He turned to scold Yoongi too, after yelling a greeting to me from behind the phone.

“Okay. I’ll text you later and Bang should get in touch with you soon. Must go before Hobi throws my phone at a wall,” he rushed out while laughing.

“Okay, bye.” I waved and he hung up.

My mother was still staring at me, but this time she winked and gave a thumbs up.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's my friend's birthday and she seems to be enjoying the story, so this extra update is because of her.

"This floor and the one below it are for our marketing departments. Down here it's more offices than anything, while as you saw down there is more of an open and collaborative space," Bang PDnim said.

Before I could respond his phone jingled, which was about the third time in the last fifteen minutes. He'd apologized the first time and offered to put it on silent, but it had been a call regarding the company so I told him not to. Even though we were in the building and it would easy to find him if there was a literal and/or figurative fire I found it pointless for them to wander around looking when they could call.

Again he hit me with a sheepish expression and answered the phone. His expression ranged from calm to slightly nervous, which made me nervous and I didn't even have to deal with whatever the problem was.

When he got off the phone he led me to the elevators to keep showing me around, but I could tell whatever was just said bothered him. Obviously, it wasn't such a big deal that he needed to handle it right then and there, but something to be handled soon.

The elevator stopped on the floor where practice rooms were located, but before he stepped out I did and used my body to stop the doors from closing.

"You know getting a personal tour from the CEO wouldn't be a point against or for you, right? You're obviously busy and I can handle being on my own."

"I'm sure, but I'm the one who wanted you here and it's only right that I'm the one who gives you the tour." He countered, the frown on his lips deepening.

"Valid, but how about we meet halfway. You've shown me all the places I've never been already, but I know the practice rooms and studios. I can walk around here and then go find the producers myself or get one of the boys to take me." I offered.

At first, I was sure he was to say no and then from one of the rooms emerged a slightly sweaty Jin. He saw me and smiled, making his way over to where I stood. When he noticed Bang he gave a quick greeting.

"Why are you all just standing here?"

"Are you busy right now? Could you maybe finish up my tour and then direct me to the producers so I can meet them?" I asked, ignoring his question.

His brows furrowed for a second, but then he nodded. "I was just finishing up some extra practice with Hoseok, so I can do that."

My gaze drifted back to Bang and he still looked unsure. After several seconds of staring at me and Jin, he sighed.

"Okay. I'll be in my office when you're finished if you have any last-minute questions," he said.

After that, I stepped out of the way and waved to him at the elevator's doors closed. I didn't turn to Jin until it started ascending.

I felt bad for pulling him in, he looked tired. Not overly so, but just how one would after having done a few hours of physical activity.

"You really don't have to show me around. I know these floors well enough, but an escort to someone who I may or may not end up working with would be great."

Jin smiled and shook his head. "It's fine, better you get more acquainted with the building. Plus I was just trying to escape Hoseok before he tried to get me to try and stay with him, which would lead to more practice."

I'd watched them practice once and even lingering a moment would end with Hobi trying to get you to keep going or doing some choreography he was doing for himself. Either way, it would be hours before you got another chance to escape.

"If you say so." And I motioned for him to lead the way.

We walked past the room with Hobi and I peeked in to say hi with Jin standing out of sight. He then showed me some other rooms, most empty. Though there was one that was filled with people sitting on the floor. He told me it was the trainees having one of their peer review meetings. We continued on without interrupting them.

The last room was filled with people, but they were all dancing besides those sitting off to the side; probably managers. After a closer look, I realized they must have been TXT. I was vaguely familiar with them, but not every artist's music was for me.

Jin waited until they had paused and then barged into the room. I gave quick regards to the startled staff members and then followed behind him. He'd stopped in the middle of the room, the boys circling him with wide eyes.

"Sorry to interrupt, but I'm showing Kendall here around and saw you all here. She's possibly going to be a new producer here, so I thought you all should meet her now."

"Hello." I gave a weird little wave, feeling awkward as they all started.

They assembled themselves very quickly and before I could process anything they were doing their greeting and introducing themselves. It was cute.

"It's nice to meet you all. Sorry, so barging in here. We'll show ourselves out." I relayed quickly in Korean before dragging Jin out of there.

Him being the dork he is he started laughing and my awkwardness. So as he led me to the elevators and we descended to where the studios were I gave him the silent treatment.

"Aw, don't be mad Kendall," he said, as he continued to laugh.

I rolled my eyes, but couldn't help the smile that formed as I stepped off the elevator. The moment we were both out a door opened down the hall and out came Joon. He was carrying notebooks and his expression was neutral. Though when he saw us it went from wide, confused eyes to a smile.

"What are you two doing?" he asked.

"I was showing her around," Jin said, confusing Joon again.

"Bang was showing me around, but he had things to do. We were almost done anyway, so I asked Jin to show me the rest and then take me to meet the producers." I cleared up.

Joon nodded. "Oh, well they're wrapping up a meeting right now. I can take you in to introduce you."

Jin left us and Joon led the way back down the hall. He pushed the door open and with his frame I could barely see past him, though what I could see was Adora with a shocked expression.

"Namjoon, did you forget something?" someone I couldn't see asked.

Joon stepped farther into the room and waited until I was inside and insight to start speaking. "No. I was just bringing Kendall in to meet you guys. I know you're busy so a longer introduction can happen another day. But she's here on her vacation to see how things work around here as she makes her decision to join."

A familiar male off to the side tilted his head and stared as if assessing me. Then his eyes widened and he came forward.

"Ah, you're Sailor V?"

"Yes, that would be me."

"Ah, it's nice to have you here. You might know me as Slow Rabbit," he said.

My brain finally got it together and I recalled we'd encountered each other before when I was in Korea for another job. There was some get together with producers I'd been dragged to. Our encounter was brief.

"Nice to see you again."

Adora and Pdogg also greeted me, both all smiles. It helped me feel more relaxed. In truth, they could secretly hate me, but they all exuded a calm demeanor and made me feel comfortable. So, that was a plus if I made the choice to accept the position.

"I look forward to getting to know all of you and I'm here if you need anything at all."

Joon cleared his throat, drawing our attention to him. "She's here mostly to observe, not really work. While she can help it with some things, but then again this is her vacation before it's anything else."

His tone was naggy and I couldn't help but roll my eyes, which everyone laughed at. I was over the emphasis on vacation he'd been laying on for days, but I appreciated that he wanted me to rest and relax.

"Well, we're happy to help you get comfortable and see if this is the right fit," Adora said.

"I appreciate that very much..." My voice trailed off because the door was swinging up.

Suddenly Yoongi was in the room and his eyes were focused on me. His expression was so devoid of anything it confused and worried me. I opened my mouth to speak, but he beat me to the punch.

"Oh, you are here. Good, you can help me decide if this harp should stay or not." Yoongi said.

He gave me a moment to say my byes and then I was being all but dragged down the hallway to his studio.

For hours he kept me locked inside his studio where we argued about him wanting to change something I'd suggested removing over a month ago. I'd forgotten all about going to see Bang after.


	17. Chapter 17

"Thank you so much, Kendall. You were a huge help. Thank you," Adora said.

She'd thanked me on and off for about half an hour, even when I assured her once was more than enough. I'd done nothing too major, but she'd seen it as some sort of lifesaver. I understood her though, she probably thought she'd lost everything.

I'd come to BigHit to kind of hang around and sit in on people working. I'd been leaving Pdogg's studio when I saw her in the hall looking close to a breakdown. She'd explained that her computer malfunctioned just as she was in the middle of saving some work and when it rebooted there was nothing. Everything had gone missing. It was honestly one of the worst feelings one could have.

Keeping her calm as I could, I tried to do a reboot thing Uncle Phillip had taught me after my laptop had done the same thing and snatched away all my writing. I'd had the stuff saved elsewhere, minus the new changes and broke down. It didn't help that when the computer went down it snatched everything from the external hard drive I had plugged in.

In Adora's case, it was the same thing, though I made sure to call my uncle before I touched the thing to ask.

"It's fine, I know the fear that comes in. And thankfully it still managed to save the changes before it completely shut down."

She smiled thankfully as she started saving it to everything she could. Her hand was shaking less as she did so, which meant the effects of the panic were leaving her. It must have come on quickly and been quite intense for how bad they had been shaking to start.

Standing once she was done I gently patted her shoulder. "I'm going to go into the studio, so if you need anything that's where to find me."

"Okay. Thank you again."

I nodded and made my way out. The moment I'm in the empty hallway I feel a weight pressing down on my body. The tired I'd felt before seeing Adora came down harder as if to punish me for forgetting in the first place.

With heavy feet I led myself down to the studio I was using. It was an office for me while I stayed there, but it had been made very clear that if I were to accept. It was perfect, though the best facet of it was the comfy as hell futon off to the side. It's where I went the moment I stepped into the room.

My body felt at ease once I was face down on the futon, but I still felt so drained. I'd done it to myself. A spark of inspiration hit me the night before and I'd spent the whole night writing by accident. When I finally came back to reality I'd drafted five chapters for some morbid story idea I'd had weeks ago and it was 5:00 a.m. I went to sleep after, but it wasn't long since I'd promised Pdogg I'd come in to help with something. Which also wouldn't have been bad if I didn't agree to breakfast with Hanbin. Which still wouldn't have been bad if instead of napping between those things I'd pumped out more work for the rewrite.

I was my own worst enemy.

As I laid on the futon I went in and out of consciousness, but just as I was almost completely taken under my phone vibrated for the hundredth time in the last minute or two. Groaning I reached into my back pocket and pulled it out, sliding it to answer without looking.

"Yes?" I croaked.

"Where are you?" Yoongi asked.

"In the studio dying."

He scoffs, but before anything else is said the call is over and he's knocking on the door.

"It's not locked," I grumbled.

I hear him shuffle in, but don't have it in me to actually look at him. Minutes pass with the only sounds being him messing with the computer and moving things around the desk. When it goes completely silent I hope that he plans to leave me be, but then there's a hand on my wrist pulling me up.

My eyes open and he's staring down at me with a small smile. He tugged on my arm some more, but I didn't want to move. "Come on, you need to eat something."

That brought my attention to steaming containers on the desk and the beautiful smell entering the air. It was enough to get me up and sitting in the desk chair.

The bowl was filled to the brim with steaming kimchi stew and I could fill my mouth watering. I was drawn away from my salivating when sound started playing through the speakers when I looked up the episode of Veronica Mars we'd stopped on was playing.

When I turned to Yoongi he wasn't looking my way, but his smile had widened. I opened my mouth to thank him or something but he shook his head.

"Eat."

So without argument, I did that and we watched the show. Every so often he'd ask a question or make a comment, but other than that we remained in comfortable silence. Before I knew it, the food was gone and we'd finished season two.

Before we started the third Yoongi cleared the desk, which to my body was the perfect invitation to lay my head on it.

"No sleeping."

"I'm not sleeping."

He tried to pull me back up but I remained in my spot. Huffing he stopped and I assumed he was going to let me be, but then my head was being turned so I was facing him. He'd retaken his seat and was also laying his head on the desk, though it was turned to face me.

Our faces were about a foot apart, which made my cheeks burn. I tried to keep my shit together, but the longer we stared at each other the more flustered I became. Something needed to be done or said.

"How was the fan sign?" I asked, my voice only coming out slightly higher.

That was when I saw how tired he really was. He sighed and the tired was clear on his face and in his eyes. In truth, Yoongi looked more tired than I felt, which was a lot of tired.

"It was great. Went smoothly and met a lot of ARMY. But I didn't sleep well last night and then it was me putting on a face until it was over. I love meeting them, but it's a lot of people interaction and me having to be happier than I am at the moment."

I nodded. "I get that. If you're more of an introvert interactions, especially with a lot of people for an extended time can be a lot. Spent a week without one moment alone and I felt like I was going to lose it."

Yoongi sighed, this one carrying much more weight. "Yeah. And I didn't want to let them down, so I tried my best to keep it going. Though I probably slipped a few times."

"You did your best, that's all that matters." Reaching over I booped his nose. "You're off the next few days, right?"

"Yeah, they want us well-rested before our next schedules. It's going to be a lot going on for a week or so." He retaliated and booped my nose.

"Then rest. Don't stress yourself too much and just relax. Take all the naps." I offered.

He nodded, but only time would tell if he actually listened. I wasn't above forcing him to sleep if need be.

"Why are you so tired?" he asked.

"Spark of inspiration led to hours of writing, very little sleep and no room to nap between breakfast with a friend, more writing and a meeting with Pdogg."

His brow raised. "Friend?"

I went to speak, but a yawn cut me off and I held up a finger as I collected myself. "Hanbin wanted to meet for breakfast. It was another thank you thing because he feels the need to keep saying it. We ate food and he gave me one of the first copies of the album and had me sign his version of it."

For a second the tired was hidden again and it was replaced with nothingness. His sudden change in expression confused me, but it left as quickly as it came. Yoongi smiled and then poked my nose a few times before moving closer and startling me.

For several seconds he just remained inches from me and I had to try to keep myself together. Yoongi's eyes roamed my face, lingering on the lower half for a moment. He moved closer again, leaving maybe two inches between us. I couldn't help but notice the proximity of his lips to mine.

Just as I was going to move away in a panic - or maybe forward - he spoke up. "Let's watch some more and then head out."

Not trusting myself I just nodded and slowly moved away. He sat up as well and our attention went back to the monitor. The only difference from before is that he was much closer to me and gently guiding my head onto his shoulder.


	18. Chapter 18

I stared intently at the screen in front of me, my brain trying to process what the heck was going on. The task I'd been given felt impossible, but that didn't make sense at all. It was simple. So why I couldn't grasp it I was unsure.

A tap on the shoulder brought me out of my head and shifted my attention to a smiling Slow Rabbit.

"Huh?" I asked, feeling a tad dazed.

He laughed, patting my shoulder softly. "You've been staring at the screen for too long, which means you’re blanking. Which I have also been doing, so how about a break? Go check out what Pdogg and Adora are working on.”

As I came back to I nodded my head, snatching up my energy drink as we left the studio. Taking a few steps down the hall we were at their studio in seconds. Inside they were watching the person behind the glass. It took a few seconds to register that the person was playing the cello.

We greeted each other, but then I was in a trance. The music sounded beautiful and I couldn’t look away or hear anything else. I didn’t talk about my cello playing a lot, but I loved it. Hearing it when I’d gone to start my first guitar lesson is why I switched.

I’d been so transfixed that it took a minute for me to realize the music stopped and everyone was discussing.

“It’s working, but something feels off. We’ve been going at this for an hour and it doesn’t feel up to par. I don’t know what else to do,” Pdogg said.

Adora just nodded, her face very serious as she stared ahead into the recording booth.

I don’t know what compelled me, but suddenly I was raising my hand as if were a classroom. “Um, I can give it a try.”

All heads whipped around to look at me. Slow Rabbit tilted his head to the side, brow-raising in question.

“You play?’

“For twelve years. Still, have one and play it when I have the time.”

“Then yes, please.” Pdogg looked so tired and willing to try anything.

Nodding, I just walked into the recording room. The musician appeared grateful for me taking over and I claimed the chair and cello. I put the headphones on and signaled they play the piece for me.

It was slow for the first few seconds, but then it took a sharp turn and became very fast-paced. They played it a few times and I looked over the sheet music, trying it out a few times until I got it.

I pushed off the headphones and looked out at them. “Give me a second to get used to playing and then I’ll actually try.”

A thumbs up from Adora and I went to work. The beginning notes were loud and very off-key, despite me having played well a few moments before. But prepping myself always made things flow better, so I’d work through the bad. After a minute my hands moved easily and I felt calm and in tune with the cello.

I took a deep breath and began to play. I’d been taught to use classical pieces as warm-ups, but then at sixteen, I learned to play Leonard Cohen’s Hallelujah I’d ignored it. It was muscle memory for me, it was one of the few pieces I could remember without needing sheet music.

My intention hadn’t been to go through the whole song, but by the time I’d realized it the last note was being finished out. My cheeks burned as I glanced up and noticed everyone just staring me down, eyes wide. It didn’t help that more people joined. Taehyung, Jungkook, and Yoongi were in the room and also staring hard.

Clearing my throat I put the headphones on again and glanced at the sheet music. “I can start now.”

We spent about thirty minutes with me giving samples of how it was written exactly on the sheet music and also playing with variations. Most switch-ups were things I wanted to try with the piece.

When all was done I stepped out where everyone else was and was met with applause; which only made my cheeks burn more.

My eyes accidentally skimmed over Yoongi and I felt a bit flustered, especially with the way he was smiling at me. I looked away quickly, trying not to make my awkwardness too obvious.

“You didn’t tell us you could play. That was cool. Could you maybe teach me?” Taehyung asked, very giddy.

“Uh, I’m not the best teacher. I’m so used to it I tend to breeze through it forgetting I’m teaching.” Taehyung started pouting and I felt bad. “But I could try.”

Saving me from being dragged into any more requests for lessons Pdogg spoke up. “Thank you, Ken. You were very helpful. I think we might be able to finish up today now.”

“No problem, happy to help.”

Getting the chance to play something with a direction also felt nice. I’d only played for myself for years.

“Okay, break time people,” Adora announced.

Slow Rabbit turned to me, a large smile plastered on his face. “Meet back in the studio in an hour and a half?”

I nodded, giving him a thumbs-up before leaving the room. Food sounded good or at least a snack, so I was going to go acquire some. I headed to my office to see what I had before venturing out, but I got one foot in the door before a force behind me propelled me in.

By the time I regained my footing and turned to see it was Yoongi he’d already locked the door and was facing me. He wore a smirk, but his eyes didn’t have the spark to make it work.

“You’ve been avoiding me for two days,” he said.

I scoffed. “False.”

Yoongi rolled his eyes and then I was being pressed against the wall, his arms caging me in. He stared deep into my eyes, to a point where I couldn’t help but squirm and seek escape.

“Yes, you have.”

I had been. While I’d never denied my growing affections, I also hadn’t truly acknowledged them either. They’d been very clear, but something in me had just rolled with it. Enjoying someone’s presence and talking to them didn’t seem that major; at least that’s what the delusional me said. After a week or so in Korea and spending more face to face time I’d had no choice but to internally address it.

However, my avoidance was only because I being an awkward person did not know what to say. I knew I wanted to say something, but couldn’t figure out what. Broaching the subject couldn’t be abrupt, even if I was sure that he may return those feelings.

“Just admit it and then tell me.” His voice softened and so did his expression.

Sighing I closed my eyes for a second and got it together. When I opened them he was closer than before, his lips drawing my attention. I tried to look away, but he was moving closer every second.

As I accepted what might happen a rapid knock on the door took our attention.

Clearing my throat I spoke, “Who is it?”

“Hoseok. Open, I need to tell you guys something.” Hobi’s voice sounded distressed.

Yoongi sighed and stepped away, allowing me room to move. When I opened the door Hobi bulldozed his way in and once inside shoved a phone towards us.

“You have to be fucking kidding me,” Yoongi growled.

Confusion turned to annoyance quickly. He was showing several tweets, some from “reputable” k-entertainment outlets, talking about how she and Yoongi were secretly dating.

And it seemed simply because someone had seen me roaming Gangnam a few times and walking towards the BigHit building, which obviously meant I was only in the country to see Yoongi. I’d been out by myself most of those and once with a female friend who wasn’t even famous or in my field. So it was really hard to see where they were getting this ridiculous bullshit.

It was like these people didn’t understand boundaries or that I was someone who worked with musicians and could be there for anyone. Or just there because I wanted to be. Each time they started that bullshit it annoyed the hell out of me.

Because at the end of the day I liked Yoongi, but the incessant need to spread crap and possibly mess up my chances at a great job made me very uneasy about acting on those feelings.


	19. Chapter 19

The tension in Bang’s office made me feel so uncomfortable I couldn’t sit still. Joon had to squeeze my shoulder a few times to try to get me to calm it down, but my nerves weren’t letting up.

I hadn’t gotten the chance to make a choice if I wanted to work there, but that might be snatched away from me. It was so frustrating that I’d possibly be punished for something that wasn’t even my fault. And that it could affect the boys when nothing had happened.

Nothing that had been documented held any weight. Not one thing screamed dating in secret. It barely showed that we were friends at all; just that we spoke when in proximity to others. But of course the select few wannabe FBI agents wanted to stir bullshit.

The longer that Bang stayed on the phone with a blank expression, the more uneasy I felt. He hadn’t seemed mad at me in particular, he was actually quite reassuring that he would handle it. But it still would be smart to avoid this stuff and just revoke the offer.

When Bang put down the phone and closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Once they were open again he glanced around the room, looking at Joon, Yoongi and then me. Though he’d maintained the blank look at first his expression softened once it met my face.

“We have it handled. They posted it on their side account, but then reposted it on their personal account where their name and high school are very present. It didn’t take much time to find them and legal will handle it from there. Also working on the more aggressive attackers and then legal will get to them too.”

He said it so nonchalantly that I felt confused about what the heck was happening. Which must have been clear on my face.

“Kendall, I offered you a job because even with the first incident you kept up the good work and didn’t just abandon your job. You did it with the second one too. You are not the problem, they are. And it’s just a few people stirring the pot and causing mass hysteria for a few hours. It will not harm anything. Even if you two were secretly dating they have nothing, but it doesn’t make this acceptable. I will not tolerate attacks on them or you for false or true statements.”

His words were reassuring and sweet. I could feel the tension leave my body, it slumping a little as the anxiety I was starting to feel started to dissipate.

“Don’t worry about it. It’s being taken care of.” This time a smile graced his face, then he turned to Joon. “Make sure everyone knows what’s going on and just relax. Today and tomorrow are your off days, so don’t worry too much about it.”

Joon nodded and then turned to leave. Yoongi pressed a hand to my lower back and guided me out of the room. None of us spoke until we were in the practice room where everyone had convened.

They’d been whispering amongst themselves when we entered but stopped the moment we came in. They all wore expressions of worry, eyes flickering between all of us, but lingering on me and Yoongi.

Joon cleared his throat and gained all their attention. “The person who took the pictures of Kendall here has been found and legal is handling it. They’re also going for all the people have been extra hostile towards her. So, we don’t have anything to worry about and I’m sure a statement will be released later today.”

There was a group sigh of relief and I watched as Hobi and Jungkook slumped heavily. They looked like they’d been carrying a heavy burdened.

“You two okay?” I asked.

They didn’t respond at first, just stared at each other for a moment. Then Jungkook turned to me. “We were just worried Bang might take back the offer and try to get us to interact less.”

“Dude, same.”

Even though I was relieved before something about hearing others with the same fear helped along the disappearing anxiety. I released a frustrated scream to just get it out and none of them seemed fazed.

“Maybe we should decompress. Spend the night in and watch movies like when Hals came to visit last week and her, Kendall and Hobi were all stressed and on the verge of exploding,” Jimin offered.

The night had been helpful for decompressing, otherwise, I might have literally combusted. A work thing somehow messed up and I had to work from scratch with two days. Plus I had major writer’s block, but a short story due on the same day.

I nodded. “Sure, we can do it at mine. Just give me like an hour or two.”

There were murmurs of agreement and then we all packed up and headed out. Before I could get into the car to take me home though Yoongi pulled me to the side.

“You're okay, right? Don’t need me to come with you?” Yoongi asked.

He was still clearly angry and stressed about everything, which I hated. I tried to be reassuring, squeezing his hand and giving the best smile I could muster.

“I’m fine. Going to clean, get in comfy clothes and draft something to be posted once the statement is out. All is good. Promise.”

He grimaced and seemed hesitant, but after a second nodded and release my hand. “Okay, we’ll be over in an hour and a half. We’ll get the food and snacks, so don’t worry about it.”

A thumbs up from me and then I was headed home. My apartment was a distance from theirs just to avoid nonsense, but not so far that it was very out of the way. When I got inside I did exactly what I said I would. Cleaned the living room and kitchen. I pulled the large bean bag chair closer to the couches and then got comfy. Some sweats and a SHINee tour shirt I’d gotten forever ago.

By the time all that was done and I’d finished parting and braiding my hair an hour had passed. So with that time I’d settled in my seat and pulled out my phone. I checked Twitter and saw accounts Soompi had already posted about the statement being out, which was perfect.

I read the statement through and was pleased with it. Flattered even by the protectiveness of it. Of course, they’d protect the boys, but they’d made it a point to not attack me and were mostly coming for those who’d sent direct threats and hate my way.

With that out of the way I took a deep breath and began typing out my message; a few sentences in I switched to the notes app.

I’ve tried to be as calm as possible about all this drama, but it’s starting to get hard. To constantly have people grasp at straws to form some “scandal” that doesn’t even exist is tiresome. For the third time, a group of people have created this romantic relationship that Yoongi and I don’t have. They called me names, attacked my appearance, my race, and my work. All because they’ve deluded themselves into thinking he and I are together. Because they’re deluded themselves into thinking they have some hold on people who are human and adults who are free to live their lives.

In truth, I’m not even that bothered it all, but I’ll be damned if I allow this shit to keep going unchecked. To get to a point where it messes up my friendships and my job opportunities. But thankfully I don’t have to do the checking. I’m very thankful to Bang PDnim for his support on this. He didn’t have to deal with those directly attacking only me, but he did.

I don’t want to have to go through this again, because I will not be as pleasant the next time around.

Once finished and checked for spelling errors I took screenshots and quote tweeted the statement from the official BigHit Twitter page. Once that was done I muted Twitter and sat my phone on the coffee table.

Before I got the chance to relax through my doorbell was ringing. Sighing, I hopped to my feet and went to the panel. The video showed Yoongi by his lonesome, which threw me off, but I let him in nonetheless and returned to the couch.

A few seconds later he was in the living room ad staring at me intently. It made me very uneasy.

“We need to talk,” he said.

My heart stopped and I felt nausea stirring. Being scared, nervous or sad always made me physically sick and those words in the situation we were in hit my nerves bad.

Yoongi must have seen the shift in me because his expression softened and he shook his head.

“Not like that. Nothing bad, I promise. But you know, we should talk. e should have talked a while ago.”

He wasn't wrong and though he assured me that things were fine, I still felt nervous. Though at least it wasn’t nervous because I thought he and/or all of the boys wanted to end our friendship.

I motioned for him to take a seat and he did, turning to face me head-on. The intensity that he had before returned, but without the dauntingness of it all. Though when he says nothing and we sit in silence for what feels like five minutes I become a tad more unnerved.

“Were you ever going to tell me that you returned my feelings?” Was what he eventually opened with and was not what I expected him to say first.

My face dropped and my eyes narrowed on him. “How can one say they return feelings they don’t know the other has.”

He scoffed. “You knew.”

I couldn’t stop the eye roll that came. “One can assume, but until it’s stated cannot know. So, unless you said ‘Hey Kendall, I like you’ and meant it in a romantic way I couldn’t know anything.”

“Hey Kendall, I like you. And not in a platonic way, I want to date you,” he blurted out.

Even though he’d basically confirmed it without saying so I still froze in surprise. And then an intense bout of happiness washed through me. I tried to push down the smile that was taking form, but I couldn’t and could feel the slight tingle from smiling too hard.

Yoongi was smiling too, his possibly wider than mine.

“So…” he trailed off, watching me closely.

Took a second for me to realize he was waiting for me to respond to him. “Oh goodness, same. Wait, no. Not same. Still wrong. Wait. Okay. I would also like you in the sense that I would date you.”

By the time I’d finally gotten it out he was laughing at me being a mess and I couldn’t help but join in. Then he stopped and was leaning closer to me. His hand cupped my cheek and my gaze flickered to his lips for a moment before meeting his eyes. They held such gentleness that it made me even more giddy to kiss him, but when his lips were barely touching mines I pulled back.

My brain wouldn't allow me to experience the happiness though. I had a new fear, one that was quite ridiculous and I regretted saying aloud. It needed to be addressed though because it would surely be something we had no other choice but to deal with.

“But wait, they just made a statement that we weren’t. What if this time they actually get something tangible and things spiral even more. I can handle most of their bullshit, but this could get worse and it would be worse for you than for me; especially here. I know Bang can only take so much of all of this.”

“Well…” he paused and I could tell he didn’t have the answer either.

Before we could recover to discuss the doorbell rang again and I knew I couldn’t leave the boys in the hallway, someone could see them and possibly get photos to start another round of nonsense.

So, I got off the couch and spent the rest of the night engaged, but distracted and confused.


	20. Chapter 20

Time went by faster than I thought I could. I was out of Korea and back in the states working at an accelerated pace. Everything felt like it was coming at me all at once and that there was more to do than there actually was.

When a Saturday rolled around - the first one in weeks where I was free - I was more than okay with being forced to rest. The thought of writing just because I wanted to wasn’t even appealing. 

My only productivity would be catching up on Power, Wynonna Earp, and trying to finally finish the c-drama Golden Eyes. And I got to do it with two dorks who were equally if not more tired than me.

“I thought you said they were friends. Why would Tommy hurt his friend like that?” Hoseok asked.

Groaning, I reached for the closest pillow and launched it at him. Sadly, he caught it and stuck his tongue out at me.

Halsey sighed and grabbed the remote, pausing Power and then heading back out to the main menu. “That’s it. We’re starting the show from the very beginning so you stop asking me questions.”

“Which I proposed hours ago?” Hoseok mumbled in Korean.

I threw another pillow at him, but it landed that time; smashing into his face. Once he recovered from the shock he threw them back, harder than I did, but he missed and hit Hals instead. She was not pleased and rose from her seat to beat him with one.

As they quarreled I took over the task of getting us back to the first episode of season one. Just as I was going to get them to stop so we could stop my phone dinged.

Yoongi was texting me.

Hey. Can you tell Hobi to answer his phone?

I glanced to Hals and Hoseok and they were still going at it. Shaking my head I let them be.

Sorry. I’ve been informed to deny all requests for him to do work today.

Too many seconds passed so I assumed he’d leave it at that, which was stupid on my part since I definitely knew better.

Ignore that.

Part of me wanted to give in, but Hoseok had wanted a day free from doing things. And Yoongi definitely wanted him to do something.

I gave my word, Yoon. Can’t it wait?

The next notifications came fast and there were multiple.

…

Kennie…

Please

It’ll be quick I promise

I knew it wasn’t serious, but I knew that it would end up calling us a million times if he didn’t get an answer soon. Plus I believe him if he said it would be quick, he’d never drag Hoseok back into work when he knew how tired he was and it wasn’t completely necessary.

...ok

Before I could even fully turn to look at Hoseok he was responding, “Tell him I saw it and I’ll handle it later. I already have some ideas written.”

He’ll send you what he has later.

Thanks

Assuming that was all I sat my phone down and got ready to start the show since they were both in their respective seats. But just as I went to push play my phone dinged again.

Wait. What are you doing that he’s busy?

Before I could respond the phone was no longer in my hand. Hals was staring at it and Hoseok moved to the couch to see it as well. They both looked at each other and then back to me.

“We need to talk,” Hals said.

Hoseok moved to sit on the other side of me on the couch and took the remote from me.

It felt like an intervention, and I’d be a liar if I said I didn’t know what it was about.

“So…” Hals seemed to be going for chill, but Hoseok cut her off.

He grabbed my hands and stared into my eyes, which made it feel like he was staring into my soul. I couldn’t help but try to look away, but his gaze was too intense to do so.

“It’s been over a month and nothing. You're normal, but also awkward. When will you talk about it?”

Hoseok had been the first to notice our behavior after that day and cornered me afterward to figure out what was going on. I’d told Hals because she tended to pick up on things like that and if she didn’t and someone else told her she’d be displeased. I only needed one personal life issue at a time.

“Well…” I didn’t know what to say. “Ugh, I don’t know. I barely survived talking about it the first time. How am I supposed to initiate the conversation.”

“By not being a punk,” Hals whispered.

Whipping my head around I glared at her. “We can have a whole conversation about certain people being a punk.”

She held her hands up in surrender. “I know, but come on you can talk about it. You’re a big girl and you were excited. A lot of things make you much more nervous than this, so just bring it up.”

Sighing, I released Hoseok’s hands and leaned back into the couch. “I tried.”

“You did?” They shouted in unison.

I nodded. “Yes, we were on Facetime trying to finish some work. Once we were done we’d started talking about something random. He laughed and I got the nerve to bring it up, but once I said: “Hey, can we talk about that thing from two weeks ago.” He looked panicked and then Hobi and Jungkook burst into the room. He didn’t bring it up after that.”

Hoseok made a face as Hals reached over and lightly punched him. “You need to stop cock blocking her. You’ve helped twice now.”

I rolled my eyes. “This wasn’t even a cock block situation.”

“Ow, they were accidents,” Hoseok defended.

“Anyways,” I said trying to regain the floor. “I didn’t know what to do after that so I let it be. He didn’t bring it up either. And it’s not like I don’t want to, but nothing feels like the right moment and it just makes shit awkward if I bring it up via text or over the phone.”

The urge to just blurt it out presented itself almost every time we talked, but I reigned it in. I didn’t want to mess up what was happening between us by springing it on him. Especially because doubts were starting to stir.

“Give us the rest of the reason,” Hals said, nudging me and stopping the scenario I was starting in my head that didn’t end well.

For a moment I remained silent, glancing between them. They both wore non-judgemental expressions and as usual, it felt comfortable talking to them about things.

“The ball was in his court. He was the one who needed to respond to what I said, so even if we’d been interrupted you’d think he’d bring it up later. What I said wasn’t a deal-breaker for me, I just wanted it out there. So, it’s kind of hard to not have that voice in the back of my head tells me maybe he’s rethinking it. And it’s such a small voice, which I was ignoring until recently. But as time passes, I can’t help but wonder. Which is stupid, but I can’t help it.”

The more I spoke the more frustrated I got. Huffing I threw my head back, almost slamming it into the couch. Things like admitting feeling was weird for me; not because I felt like I had to hide them, but because I didn’t tend to feel strongly in non-platonic ways often.

My dating life was mostly casual and was serious once and I’d done very little of the initial admitting. Now, this was a situation where I refused to acknowledge my feelings even to myself until they were strong enough because there was too much at risk. And now that I’d been ready to things got weird and messed up. I felt like I was driving myself mad sometimes with it.

“You know he hasn’t changed his mind,” Hoseok said softly, squeezing my hand.

“Well, I need him to say that,” I said.

Silence ensued for long enough that it made me uncomfortable. Sitting up, I grabbed the remote and started the episode. I could still feel their eyes on me.

“You’re both idiots,” Hals said.

“I know.”

In the midst of the silence Hals’ phone dinged. She checked it and then scuffed. When I glanced her way she looked offended.

“What?’ Hoseok asked.

“Namjoon just texted me to say I fucked up.”


	21. Chapter 20.5

Wait. What are you doing that he’s busy?

Minutes passed and no response came back. I tried not to think about it too much, but her not responding was getting to me. We’d been weird for a while now and sometimes talking to her felt like she was farther away than she actually was.

Things felt like things were falling apart.

Groaning I tossed the phone onto my desk and tried to focus on the track in front of me. I’d been working on it for hours and it was coming together, but I needed something from Hobi to finish it. I hoped he’d send it sooner than later.

What he was doing that he couldn’t just quickly send, I didn’t know. What could have them all so busy? And why hadn’t Kendall texted me back already?

I picked up the phone again to see if there was anything, but it was just junk mail polluting one of my emails.

There was no reason for me to be so hung up on her response; she’d left me on read for hours before. But the simple fact was that I could claim there was no reason, but there very well was.

Ever since I've confessed things had been awkward. Normal, but with this underlying tension between us. It was frustrating as hell.

Bringing it up was just so damn hard and I didn’t know how to proceed. Her heading back to the states made it harder because I wanted a face to face conversation. And I wanted it to be before the album release, but I didn’t foresee having the time to do so.

“You should have just told her,” Jungkook spoke out.

I jumped, having forgotten he was in my studio with me; the song I was working on was something for him and Hobi.

Turning in the chair - one I’d composed myself - I noticed he wasn’t even looking at me. And that Joon was also sitting on the couch next to him; when he’d left an hour ago.

“What do you have in mind to tell her?” I asked, feeling the annoyance creep up.

They just looked at each other, which didn’t help my mood at all. Silent conversations about my love life were not something I needed at that moment.

Joon cleared his throat. “I don’t know, maybe your feelings. That you can handle all the chaos and that it doesn’t change your feelings. One of you needs to stop being a punk.”

Even if he was right that didn’t stop me from glaring at me. He didn’t back down though, maintaining eye contact with me until I sighed and caved in.

“She did bring it up.”

“She did?” They screeched in unison.

They were so loud I cringed. “Yes, she did.”

“When?” Jungkook asked.

“A few weeks ago, I think. She said, “Hey, can we talk about that thing from two weeks ago” and I panicked, but was pulling it together to respond. Didn’t want her thinking I had changed my mind, but then Jungkook and Hobi burst in. The one time I didn’t have the door locked.”

Just thinking about it made me frustrated.

Without hesitation, Joon reached over and lightly punched the youngest in the arm. Though Kook looked appalled at first, he quickly turned to me and gave a sheepish smile.

“My bad.”

Joon rolled his eyes. “This is the second time you’ve helped prevent them getting together.”

Now he was actually offended. “Hey, you were there the first time. Also if I recall you were the one who wanted to head out early.”

Joon’s cheeks turned slightly red and then he changed the subject. “Not the point. Did you bring it up again?”

“Yes.” They were on the edge of their seats as I paused, gulping and diverting their gaze. “But I chickened out.”

The disappointment on their faces was so strong that I felt worse.

“Wait. Let me explain first.” They nodded and waited, still clearly unhappy with me. “We were on Facetime while she was getting ready to go into work and she was laughing at me as I raged about the end of the fourth season of Veronica Mars. And the urge was there and I opened my mouth to say it, but nothing came out. Then Halsey broke into her apartment and the moment was gone.”

Joon mumbled a curse and then whipped out his phone. He tapped the screen for a while and then threw it back beside him on the couch.

The silence remained for several seconds.

“You’re both dumb,” Jungkook blurted out.

Joon nodded in agreement. “He’s not wrong.”

Groaning, I sunk into the chair, my eyes shutting as I scolded myself. “I know.”


	22. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please forgive me for the very horrible attempt at lyrics here. It's bad and I'm sorry.

I’d been sitting at my desk double-checking the papers in front of me when my phone started to aggressively ding. In the group chat with the boys and Hals, there was a countdown going.

I couldn’t help the smile that came to my face as each of them sounded off and then Yoongi delivered the final word:

Rise is out!

The chat descended into anarchy as we all sent gifs and memes of celebration for the mini. As well as the group promising a listen and then to return back with thoughts.

As I opened Spotify my phone buzzed again and a message from Yoongi popped up. My immediate reaction was to roll my eyes.

Listen to ALL of it.

I ignored it and found the mini, pressing play on it without the shuffle so I could experience them shifting in the order they were meant to. We’d tried our best to make sure they flowed easily, while also making each distinct.

Why? I could just listen to the super-secret one. It’s the only one I was forbidden from listening too.

Sometimes I just felt like being a little difficult. I could guess that he was rolling his eyes at me.

Just do it.

please

Even though I knew I was already listening the guilt still hit me, making me want to start something I was already doing. He’d been using please a lot lately and eliciting that feeling from me.

You know I already am. Will report back soon

After that, I exited the app and restarted the first song. Leaning back in my chair I relaxed, focusing solely on the music filling my studio. It was the softest of the songs we’d worked on, but still couldn’t be considered soft. The bass alone ensured that.

One song poured into the other and each one growing a little more in its intensity. He was pouring out his feelings, but none of them were on the level that the first Agust D mini; thankfully.

Hearing them while not in the studio making them made them sound different. I was less worried about picking things apart and could actually enjoy them. When it came to the end I was kind of sad it was over, but I also knew I had one more song left. The one I’d been banned from hearing.

There was a long pause and then a very soft sound started playing. It sounded like the piano and after several seconds it was confirmed. It was very beautiful and I got wrapped up in it as it continued on with nothing else. What shocked me was that as it grew softer again the sound of a cello rang out. They paired together and played off one another. Though it wasn’t something to be terribly shocked by, it was the fact that the piece playing was by me. I’d allowed him a few of my recorded pieces to hold on to.

As I pulled myself together, I realized that it had gone on well over a minute with nothing besides the instruments. Unlocking the phone and glancing down at the time total I gawked at the nearly six-minute length.

“Holy shit.”

I wanted to message him and question it, but remained still and listened. After several more moments, there was a throat clear, but before I could question its place there was singing. It was soft and a bit rough, but it worked well.

Yoongi’s voice fills the space after, his style of rap soft and a little rough; almost singing.

You don’t expect them to step in

Alter your feelings and your focus

Make you feel different

Realize you’re whole

That they weren’t the cause

but they complimented it

That you loving yourself worked

And now as you love them it’s pure

Not you becoming dependent

Like you were before

It went on and I just sat there opened mouth. The lyrics were surprising and vastly different from the rest of the mini. Those coupled with the beautiful instruments in the background brought me to tears.

After the song ended and the mini restarted it took a bit to collect myself. Once I did, I remembered I was to report back. The group chat was on fire, everyone announcing how much they loved it. I came in just as they were getting into the bonus track.

Kook: So that’s the track you were hiding?

Jimin: It was different and so good

Hobi: Told you it would be

Hobi: His inspo was too strong. Speaking of

He must have pressed send before he could finish it, which gave me time to slide in before he could finish. Ever since we’d talked about the whole awkwardness he’d been laying on the implications thick. It was worse when they’d come back to the states for some shows. I’d been bombarded that morning about finishing work early and coming to hang out with them.

It was great. I’m a little biased, but everything sounded better than I imagined it did. And the bonus song is great, I didn’t know you were going to use the cello piece.

Hoseok’s typing stopped and that made me feel better, but then Yoongi started.

It just felt right.

Not a word else was said and no one appeared to be typing anything. I had no clue how to proceed, my feelings about the last song hadn’t even processed yet. And they were taking longer since Hoseok mentioned Yoongi’s inspiration. I was never one to assume something like that was a grand gesture for me, but the thought had planted itself in my head.

Joon: Anyways… Yoongi went live and that’s why he’s quiet. And stay off Twitter Ken, it’s not as bad as before but the bad always seem to climb to the top of your mentions.

Part of me wanted to look, but I decided against it.

I will. Got some things to work on so I can leave.

With that, I sat my phone down and turned back to the paperwork in front of me. It was a large stack, the sudden change to the contract having come in a week ago. It was a lot and very different from what I expected when I started the process, it made me so excited though. It was a new chapter and a great step.

I made sure both copies were signed and then closed it back. Just as I finished my door was opened and in came Marcus; he looked stressed.

“Did you finish?” he asked.

“Yeah, but uh are you okay?”

He nodded, expression unchanging. After a moment he sighed and I could see the tired in his eyes. “Yeah. Well, I will be. Just a lot going on with work and other things, so I’m trying to stay on top of it. Just a few more things today and then I’ll be clear for a reasonably calm weekend.”

Part of me wanted to press, but I knew well enough that holding him up would make the anxiety he was probably feeling worse.

I handed him the papers and with a quick bye he was off and I was alone again. My eyes glanced to the phone, but instead of picking it up I just stared.

All that I could think about was the song. With the instrumental alone it spoke to me. The piece that was used had been a random mish-mash of some other pieces I’d been practicing. I’d wanted to pair it with another string eventually, but hearing it with a piano felt so right.

And then there were the words. They spoke to me as a person who wasn’t into the chaoticness of love and relationships. Being comfortable with myself and being able to care for another was all I ever wanted. I’d experienced not being able to profess my self-love and worthy and loving another so wholly. It wasn’t the wrong way per se, and I learned to accept me during the relationship's duration but it always felt like I was putting in so much work to make us both happy.

The final nail in the coffin for it was the possibility that it could be in reference to me. He could have been talking about anything or past experiences, but he hadn’t let me see any of it. I’d almost heard a single second of it one day and he nearly had a fit.

Groaning, I rested my head on the desk. We really needed to talk. The longer I was left unsure the more my mind raced and lingered on things that I would normally brush over.

So after several minutes of agitation, I came to the conclusion to wait until his live was over and then see if we could meet that day.

Grabbing my phone I unlocked it and went to the Vlive to watch. He’d been on for a bit and seemed to not stopping anytime soon, so I just sat and watched.

He was chatting animatedly with those in the chat about the mini. How he’d decided he wanted to do another one and how to proceed with it. Everyone appeared to be happy and loving it. Many saying that they were still playing it in the background as they watched him.

“Well, once I had some lyrics and an idea I talked to Joon and he recommended Sailor V or Kendall as many of you know. I loved what they did for his song so I got in contact. Things worked so well and I’m very proud of where we got the songs. She worked on every song, even the last one even though she wasn’t allowed to hear it until today. The strings you hear is her playing the cello.”

The bonus track was so good

i lovved the whole mini

The cello sounded good w/ piano

she plays cello!??!??!

why not just have Adora help

IT WAS SOOOOO GOOD. WILL WE EVER GET THAT SONG LIVE?

I knew he saw the comment about having Adora produce with him, it was the way his lips almost pushed down into a frown. He played it off well though.

“Live? Well, that would be up to, Kendall. She loved the song, but she might still be a little miffed that I wouldn’t let her here it all these months.”

He wasn’t wrong. I was feeling salty about that.

Adora could have helped

please get her to do it, it would be awesome

Why didn’t you just work with Joon?

it would have been just as good if not better with Slow Rabbit pd

Stop being mean about Kendall. She did good and seems nice

Do you think Yoongi wants to see hate to his friend

“I really don’t,” he said.

It was an obvious mistake on his part, but that didn’t stop him from running with it. I think he’d reached a new level of fed up.

“Kendall has been a great help to me and a great friend. She’s accepted this project and my friendship all while knowing how chaotic some can get with hate and accusations. When it hate and messed up comments came her way she stayed, when we all would have understood her dropping out. She’s helped so much with the direction of the mini. Made sure to accommodate me, while also pushing me on things when I’m refusing. She’s been a great friend to me and the other guys. Nothing she’s done has warranted this hate.”

He paused, closing his eyes and I thought he was done. I was very wrong.

“For you all to sit here and disrespect her because of her race or getting close to us or even rumors of us dating isn’t okay. She is undeserving of the hate. And you show your true nature when you attack her for these things. If me possibly dating someone or getting close to a woman bothers you so much, then that’s a problem. I’m a human being and I’m allowed to experience happiness whether it be platonic or romantic.”

Another pause and this time his hand moved towards the screen as if he were going to end the live. “Please think about your behavior. No one should be attacked for something like this. It’s not what we as artists stand for.”

And just like that he was gone. There had been a flurry of pleadings to not leave yet before the screen shifted, but obviously he hadn’t heeded them.

A good chunk of me felt bad, I didn’t know if what he’d just done was okay. It was rare for artists to call out their fans, even when it needed to happen; like during fan wars. But part of me felt relieved and that Bang wouldn’t be too bothered. He’d shown that his own tolerance for nonsense was waning over the last year or so. Call outs and lawsuits came real quick.

I waited a few minutes and then called him, hoping he was alone and didn’t need to rush to do anything.

“Hi,” I said when he finally picked up.

“Hey,” his responded, voice gruff and clearly annoyed.

For a moment I remained silent, knowing what I wanted to say but unsure of how to say it.

“So I saw the live, well the last chunk of it. I’m sorry it was tainted by weirdos, trolls, and antis. Today was supposed to be a great day for you.”

He sighed, so loud that it made me jump and pull the phone away from my ear for a second.

“It’s… it’s fine. I expected them. It was just going so well and I just kind of forgot. And I’m just so frustrated so everything spilled out. So much build-up and I just feel like I can’t get it all out. I’m tired of holding in all these emotions. I just…” he trailed off.

The longer it was silent the more my stomach began to churn in discomfort. He sounded how I felt and I wasn’t even a hundred percent sure that his little tangent was about us. It felt like there was nothing I thought I could offer in the moment. Any words of comfort I could give seemed futile.

“You just what?” I tried to ask gently.

Another sigh and then the line went dead silent. Pulling the phone from my ear I noticed he’d hung up. My mouth went wide, shocked that he’d just leave it like that. I had no clue what the hell I did to deserve such swift dismissal.

Before I could figure out how to proceed my phone vibrated and then a message appeared on my screen.

Please meet me at Hals


	23. Chapter 22

When I arrived at Hals’ place she was walking out with Joon and Jin. They all wore blank expressions, but I could see the smile that was fighting to form on Jin’s face. Soon the other’s were having the same issue.

As I walked past them after a quick greeting Hals yelled behind me, “Make good choices.”

Rolling my eyes I entered the apartment and kicked off my shoes next to Yoongi’s. The place was dead silent, which made my stomach churn. So I took a deep breath and walked further in until I spotted him on the couch playing with his phone. The moment I was in his line of sight he looked up and sat it down.

“Hi,” was all I could utter as I moved closer.

Yoongi gave a small smile and then patted the spot next to him. Not wanting my nerves to get the best of me I moved to his side and plopped down.

Not another word was said for a minute straight and then he turned to me held tilted and smiled wider. “That enough awkward silence?”

I couldn’t help but laugh at that, some of my anxiousness diminished. It wasn’t a new conversation and if he was cracking jokes and smiling it wasn’t going to go terribly wrong. There was still room for it to, but it felt like the intention wasn’t there.

He cleared his throat and reached over to grab my hand. “So, I guess I’ll go first?”

It sounded like a question, so I just nodded and gave him my full attention.

“First, sorry about hanging up. I was frustrated and didn’t want to explode on you when you deserved none of it,” he paused and stared at me; probably to see if I was upset.

“I can agree I prefer you hanging up to having to cuss you out for being a dick,” I admitted.

“Yeah…” He looked away, took a deep breath and then stared at me so intensely I had to stop myself from squirming.

“I know I hesitated when you brought up the problems that would ensue, but it was only because I wanted to think about it and give a good answer. Then when I pulled it together the guys arrived and after that, I didn’t know how to bring it up. It didn’t help that we both got really busy the last few weeks you were there.”

With every word he spoke I felt calmer, the irrational voice saying that he’d seen my point and changed his mind dimming to a whisper.

“Then you were gone and I still don’t know how to bring it up. And it didn’t feel right to do it over the phone, but I didn’t have any plans to be here anytime soon. The day you brought it up again I panicked because I thought maybe when you brought it up you were changing your mind or I’d waited too long. Then again when I got my shit together we were interrupted. And then I tried, got nervous and then Hals interrupted. So, honestly, besides my own nerves, this is partially the fault of our friends.”

I couldn’t help but laugh at it all. Because he wasn’t wrong, this was on us and they were a tiny bit at fault. Plus we’d been thinking the same thing.

Once I got myself together I spoke, “Honestly, same. I wanted to bring it up but was terrified it was the wrong time or you’d changed your mind or you thought I’d changed mine. I brought it up so it would be out there, so we’d be sure that the chaos would be something we could handle. Or to open the floor to discuss how to handle it before either of us committed. I wanted you to be sure it was something you wanted to handle.”

He nodded along, his hand squeezing mine tighter.

“Trust me, I thought it through beforehand. I’m fine with the chaos. And I’m very okay with saying nothing until we get more situated. Or until someone happens to find out and we have no choice. I like you and I made sure I was one hundred percent sure about that before I impulsively stormed over to your apartment to tell you.”

I sighed, a smile forming. “I would like that. The noty telling people thing. Figuring out how to navigate this will be hard enough, so being able to do so without worrying when the next statement will have to be released or doing a mass block would be nice.”

Within seconds he was smiling very wide and staring at me for way too long. My cheeks were on fire, enough so that I was sure they were clearly red. I tried to use both my hand to cover my face, but he used his own to keep them down. Angling his head so it was under mine when I tried to look away.

“Stop that.”

“Why?” he teased.

I didn’t respond, just diverted my eyes and hoped he’d pull away. When he did I was mildly surprised but tried my best not to look it. Him standing up confused me further.

“Come here.” He motioned me closer.

Hesitantly I stood up and was immediately pulled closer. He wrapped his arms around my waist tight and pulled as close as he could. He wasn’t much taller than me so I didn’t have to look up.

“Hey, look at me,” he said, his voice low.

I hadn’t realized I wasn’t making eye contact until he said that. The moment I did look at him he was leaning closer, not stopping until our lips touched. My arms moved to wrap around his neck and I pressed even closer, returning the kiss. My eyes fluttered closed as I tilted my head and moved my lips against his, they were softer than I’d assumed.

My fingers trailed up to play with the ends of his newly dyed gray hair as we continued. After a moment I felt his lips part and the tip of his tongue brush against mine. Without a thought, I parted them to let him in, but then he pulled away.

Opening my eyes I stared back at him, he wore this lazy, gummy smile that made me internally giggle.

“Kendall,” he paused, clearing his throat. “I like you, in a romantic way. Will you date me?”

It took all of me not to laugh, but I kept it together. “Yes, I also like you in a romantic way so sure.”

Not another word was spoken, he just leaned back towards me and reconnected our lips.


	24. Chapter 23

1 year, 4 months later

“We didn’t have to go out tonight. You have a packed schedule the next few days and that group thing was in two days,” I groaned.

Yoongi rolled eyes and tugged me out of the restaurant. My body moved much slower as my hand rubbed at my stomach. It felt so uncomfortable and I really didn’t want to move. But at the end of the day, it was my own fault for eating so much. Not that he stopped me, just kept adding things to my plate.

“Come on. The sooner we get to the park the sooner you can sit down,” he said.

After taking a slow, deep breath I picked up my pace. I did want to sit the hell down sooner rather than later and the park wasn’t that far. So, in silence, we continued our trek down the mostly empty streets.

The sunset a couple of hours before so everyone was inside or at a festival that was happening a little bit away. We’d be avoiding that for obvious reasons, but not terribly far away from all the action.

Once we reached the park, which was near the Han River, I plopped onto a bench and allowed my body to slouch. Yoon rolled his eyes again and left me there, venturing over to a vendor. Minutes later when I felt slightly better he returned with hot chocolate for the both of us.

We remained in blissful silence for a while, just people watching and using the hot chocolate to warm up. Then his head was leaning on my shoulder. When I glanced down he looked so cute, even if only half of his face was visible to me.

“You’re tired. We could have stayed in,” I said softly.

He huffed, shaking his head but not removing it from my shoulder. “No. I wanted to. You needed to be celebrated. Your new book comes out in a week and you just finished helping with the TXT album. You earned it.”

His sweetness always made me smile. I appreciated the sentiment, though part of me hated it and my stomach churned from awkwardness instead of overeating.

“Thank you. I appreciate the celebration.”

“You better,” he grumbled, though I saw the smile he wore.

It was my turn to roll my eyes. My gaze traveled back towards a group of people oblivious to us walking around the park laughing. But when I heard a loud sigh I glanced back down to find him frowning.

“What’s wrong?”

He shook his head as if to deter me, but then suddenly sat up and turned to me.

“When do you leave again?” he asked, voice way to neutral.

And in the end, it all made sense. We’d already had a mini celebration a week ago when I was supposed to head to the states, but that had been pushed back. So when he’d proposed another I’d been confused. I went with it though because it was hard to say no.

“Is that why we’re out here and you’ve been extra cuddly all week?” I asked, turning to face him completely.

Yoongi took a deep breath and nodded. “I’m used to this, but I’m not going to lie and say it doesn’t suck more this time. I’m finally on a break and you’re going to be across the world for two months. Which is made worse because I wanted to visit New York and Cali just because and would love to use you as an excuse and can’t because people can’t mind their business.”

He’d been talking about going for months, just roaming about and meeting up with some people. And when I’d announced I had a small book tour to do, would be in New York for a bit and had some work in Cali he’d been even more excited. Then he remembered we weren’t out and people would cause problems.

“You could always use to cover of joining me at work. Wouldn’t be crazy that Columbia would be using one of their producers and someone she’s worked with for a project,” I offered.

He scoffed. “Big Hit producer.”

“My bad.”

I held my hands up in surrender, trying so hard to laugh. Before I could decide on if I should leave Columbia they pulled me into a conference room and offered me a new contract. One where I was full-time for Big Hit, but also a contract worker for them still. It was more official than just making me a freelancer. I’d taken it because it made me nervous, but not as much as the others had.

When I’d made the announcement it took a few weeks for me to change my bio on my verified Twitter account to state both. Hals being Hals called me out on it and then the boys took turns dragging me for it.

It was all in jest, but if I said I was a Columbia producer Yoongi got fake snooty on me.

Again we descended into silence, but I could feel his offness about the whole thing. He was going to cling onto it and I hated to have him upset about it.

“Well, you could still go. It’s not like we’ll be together or in the same states the whole time. And I don’t… mind.”

His eyes went wide and I avoided making direct eye contact with him. Deep inside I was still very unsure of what I’d gotten myself into.

When too much time passed and I was getting worried he stood up and pulled me up with him. Still not uttering a word he led me away from the park.

“Where are we going?” I asked.

“Home.”

So, that was either of our apartments. Which was totally fine by me, but it left me confused still.

“Why so suddenly?”

He didn’t say anything, just kept walking. Asking more questions would get me no answers if he wasn’t ready to give them; plus it may have been a conversation that needed to happen in private.

After some time we reached the area around my place; it was bustling with people as per usual. And so I was more focused on making sure no one was staring too hard our way to see why he suddenly stopped and made me slam into him.

When I looked to him for answers he released my hand and started typing away on his phone. But before I could scold him I noticed a few people staring way too hard. Grabbing his hand I carefully led him through the crows, hoping we mixed in and then stopped in a small alleyway. It was one you had to almost be looking for to notice.

“You can’t do that. People clock you from half a mile away, so being near my apartment and just standing out in the open is not good.”

Yoongi held up a finger and slipped his phone back into his pocket. He glanced at me for a second and then I was against the wall of the buildings we were between. Then his mask was down and his intent stare told me what was happening before I even felt his lips.

Pulling away was tempting, but not enough. On reflex I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed close to him, deepening the kiss. Yoongi moved closer as well, pressing me into the wall; his hands resting firmly on my hips. For several seconds I got so caught up in it I forgot he was shoving his tongue down my throat in public. Then there was a flash and I came too.

When I pushed him away my head whipped to the side and I was some girls scrambling away. My mouth was agape in shock and when I turned to Yoongi he was pushing his mask back up, but I could see that stupid smirk.

“You did that on purpose,” I shouted.

Yoongi shrugged and dragged me towards my building.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next day I was welcomed to Twitter by a series of notifications and quote tweets of the pictures or the release from Big Hit confirming things. I ended up having to back out quickly, hoping the chaos would die down some.

When it did it wasn’t for long. Hoseok had taken a picture of Yoongi and I asleep and cuddling on the couch in my studio and posted it to Twitter with the caption: “Yup.”


	25. Sweet Distraction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A chapter that stemmed from a Christmas prompt. It's not very festive, but it's what came to mind for why Kendall would be building a gingerbread house so late at night. 
> 
> The prompt: “Are you seriously making a gingerbread house at midnight?”

Opening the box, I felt myself pout as I noticed that some of the gingerbread was cracked. It was the second set in a row to have cracked pieces and after the first one, I knew that I wouldn’t be able to put it together. So, I took the candy and icing before discarding the rest to the side.

Grabbing the next box from the bag on the floor I open it and hoped it was fine, and to my pleasure it was. Of course, Hershey’s wouldn’t let me down like that; their gingerbread house and their chocolate always came through.

So, I got to work.

It was great. Trying to carefully put together the house took a lot of focus; which meant my mind couldn’t wander. It meant that there was nothing else to think about.

Or at least that was the mission.

Every so often my mind would wander. Move on to thoughts that I couldn’t afford to have playing in my head. They never led anywhere good and I could not spiral. I would not allow myself to spiral. 

So, I tried my hardest to focus on the task at hand. To build the best house I could, without making a mess with the icing, though it already covered the shirt I wore and there was a swipe of it on my face. A shower being the plan for whenever all the building was finished, as well as some laundry because the shirt was Yoongi’s. He’d either end me or make fun of me for the mess I’d made.

That sounded nice, another distraction to what had woken me up in the middle of the night. I’d been in bed by eight - which was a miracle - and then up by nine. A nightmare waking me and before I could recover from it the feeling of being overwhelmed hit. 

I’d tried breathing and listening to music, but it didn't help and sleep hadn’t come. The moment I’d risen from the bed to get some water I’d sat right back down. I’d felt lightheaded and my breathing irregular. It came so quickly I hadn’t had the chance to truly register it until tears ran down my face and the room was spinning.

Calling Yoongi or someone was an option, but I wanted to work through it alone. So, I’d ended up spending half an hour sobbing and trying to pull it together. And even when I had, the feeling still lingered. The weight was still there. 

So, I’d downed two glasses of water and gone for a walk. Which helped, but if I wandered I was back to square one in an instant. And it was horrible because I couldn’t pinpoint the exact trigger. What the final push was into a headspace that sent my anxiety through the roof. It felt so random.

The random attacks were always the worst. The most intense. The most draining. 

After a while, I found myself in some store and in front of an endcap that was filled with gingerbread. I walked away and come back with a cart, filling it with most of their stock and carrying back the many bags back to Yoongi’s condo.

The doorman looked at me weird but said nothing as I made my way up. And that’s how I ended up with a table filled with gingerbread houses. 

Not a perfect distraction, but it had its perks. 

One of them being that I lost track of time. 

Just as I was finishing my gumdrop roof Yoongi came through the door and I nearly knocked over my house. It took several seconds but when he finally saw me, he wore the same shocked expression.

“Uh…” I said.

His gaze only grew more perplexed, his eyes taking in me and then the table before his gaze returned to me. He didn’t utter a word for a moment, just moved closer to take in my creations and then the bags on the floor beside the table.

I didn’t feel an ounce of judgment, just utter confusion.

“Are you seriously making a gingerbread house at midnight?” he asked.

“I… uh, I…” I couldn’t find the words to respond, so I just nodded. 

Explaining my madness felt like an impossible task. At least explaining it the way I wanted to in order to fully express my feelings did. 

“Why?” 

Yoongi was focused solely on me and I was avoiding his gaze as I tried to grasp at the words. Until his hand moved to gently grip at my chin, forcing me to look at him. He didn’t say a word, just examined my face. 

I knew what he saw. The red eyes and the places where tears once sat. Even during my building, a few had escaped here and there.

“Why didn’t you call?” His voice was gentle.

I sighed, chewing on my lip. “I wanted to try and work through it this time. By myself. For the times I can’t reach anyone so I know that I can work through it and not just spiral further.”

He frowned at that, but I knew he couldn’t argue with it. At least not in the way he’d prefer.

Yoongi sighed. “Next time call me or someone, please. I know you want to make the effort, but I’d much prefer you let me know. You can still try on your own, but please just let me know. As long as you have it in you to be able to call at least.”

Objection was on the tip of my tongue, but it died there. I nodded my head and reminded myself that he wasn’t wrong. Someone knowing was better than letting it get too far while I tried to regain control.

“I will.”

Yoon leaned down and pressed a kiss to my forehead, nose and then lips. All of them gentle and had this weird calming effect on me. When he pulled away, he smiled at me and wiped away a new set of tears that broke free. 

Without another word he pulled a chair up closer to me, plopping down into it. He pulled out his phone and started tapping around. 

“What do you want to drink?” he asked.

That’s when I knew he must have been ordering food. “Anything is fine.”

He nodded and didn’t look my way until he finished his task. In that time, I’d finished my roof and was pulling out another kit. Which he promptly snatched from me.

“Excuse me?” I asked, appalled.

Yoongi smirked and I was tempted to snatch it back, but then he turned to me his expression serious.

“Your little town or city is good, but have you thought about trying to recreate Hogwarts?”

I had not. Which was weird since we’re binge-watched Threadbanger videos the previous day and Corrine had attempted that.

“You my love are brilliant,” I said, leaning over to kiss him.

When I pulled up, he was grinning and attempting to wiggle his eyebrows, which sent me into a fit of giggles.

“I’m a genius. Everyone knows that.”

I scoffed. “Wouldn’t take it that far.”

He pouted and nudged me a little, but it didn’t last for long. Soon his brows were furrowed and he was focused on unpacking the kit. 

I didn’t notice it right away, but I could feel some of the burden lifting; though it didn’t completely leave me. Sadly, a feel-good moment with someone I loved with all of me wasn’t the key to my problem, but it was a great help in making things better.


	26. Knuckleheads - Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When you refuse to take care of yourself, you’re accepting that the consequences may vary.
> 
> Or Kendall and Yoongi can’t seem to find a balance within their work and it’s doing more damage than they think.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Even when it seems like I'm done with this story I'm not. This post is part of a collab I'm doing over on Tumblr with one of my networks. It's a bit angsty, which is the point of this part of the collab. April showers bring May flowers. So this month I give you angst and next month you'll get Part 2 which will bring the fluff. This is a two-shot, so I won't just leave you hanging. Hope you enjoy!

Kendall’s fingers flew across the keyboard, her eyes focused solely on the open document in front of her. She was almost at the end and could feel it or at least that’s what she tricked herself into believing. In truth she still had a few more chapters to write, but the end of chapter goal was what kept her going.

Lying to herself was the way to get stuff done.

And after twenty minutes of typing away, the chapter was finished. Kendall then took a short break to drink some water and flex her fingers, but it wasn’t long before she was on the next chapter. There were deadlines she needed to meet and getting ahead was her only goal for the day.

Even if that meant she was glued to her chair for twenty-four hours.

Time passed quickly as she wrote, especially since she’d gotten lost into the world she was weaving. Before she knew it, it was midnight and she was writing the final words of her last chapter of the day. She’d breezed through writing two of them and pushed for three more, even though her eyes were begging for a break.

Just as she typed the last word, she heard an aggressive vibration coming from the drawer in her desk. Confused, she opened it up to see her phone squirming around, which made no sense since she’d told everyone to leave her be for the day.

Kendall pulled the phone out of the drawer and flipped it over just as the vibrations stopped. And when she saw the screen her eyes nearly fell out of her head.

There were twelve missed calls from Yoongi.

She’d completely forgotten that they were supposed to have a facetime that night.

He was going to be pissed.

Taking a deep breath, she unlocked the phone and called him back. As she waited and was forced to see the reflection of herself, she realized she’d forgotten to do all her skincare that morning. Her face was beyond dry, but she didn’t have time to remedy that because Yoongi was answering her call.

The expression on his face was blank, but she could see the annoyance in his eyes and the way his jaw was rigid.

“Hi Yoon,” she said.

Being calm was her best option, because if she tried to play innocent or too sweet, he’d be even more annoyed with her than he was. And she honestly felt bad so that was the last thing she wanted.

A minute went by and he just stared at her, his eyes almost never blinking. It made the silent treatment even more uncomfortable.

Kendall sighed. “I’m sorry, Yoongi. I really am. I’ve been writing nonstop all day and time just got away from me. I seriously didn’t mean to forget. I even set an alarm on my desktop, but it didn’t notify me.”

Though her words seemed to soften his expression it only lasted for a moment, because then he was leaning closer to his phone with an obvious frown.

“Nonstop? You’ve been writing nonstop all day?”

Kendall cursed herself for that slip up. Of course, that would make him even more annoyed with her.

Not knowing what else to say she nodded.

Yoongi ran a hand over his face and took a deep breath before his full attention turned back to her. For a moment he still looked miffed, but soon enough his entire expression shifted to one of worry.

“Why?” he asked.

Knowing she’d already ended up on his bad side she took a moment to gather her thoughts. Articulating her reasons clearly would lead to less confusion and annoyance for him if she accidentally said something in a way she didn’t mean it.

“You know I’m on deadline for this rewrite and I wanted to knock out as much as possible. And I know, I know it’s a bit further away and I have time, but I have all these other things to do that I wanted to get a head start. Give myself time to breathe later on since I know I’m going to have to start that outline for the one duology that Ara and I have been talking about. Plus, I don’t want to spend all my time while I’m in Korea writing. So, I didn’t think that a goal of ten chapters today would hurt anything,” she rambled.

“Ten?” he shouted.

Again, Kendall nodded.

There was a series of sighs that he let out before he spoke again.

“Were you wearing your wrist braces?”

“Yes.”

“Did you take Tylenol before you started and then again a few hours later?”

“Yes.”

“Did you move around some?”

“Kind of.”

Another sigh.

“Did you eat?”

Kendall knew she was screwed, but she wasn’t going to lie to him.

“I had a pop tart throughout the day, but nothing else,” she said.

If his glare could kill, Kendall would’ve died the moment he looked at her. And she understood why. It hadn’t been her intention not to eat. Not eating was never her intention, but when she was focused on something else and didn’t feel any biological urges, she’d forget. Even if she did get hungry it wasn’t long before it slipped her mind.

After another stare down he broke again, though that time the anger didn’t leave his face; it merely softened a bit.

“My day was a late start so I’m having a late lunch. It’s on the way. Order something and we’ll eat together. And it better be something filling. I don’t care about how late it is; you need to eat.”

“I can do that,” Kendall said.

Not wanting him to glare at her anymore she sprang into action. Propping the phone against the monitor she went to her browser and looked at the places she had bookmarked. She wasn’t craving anything specific, so she went with a Chinese restaurant not too far from her. Quickly her order of chicken with broccoli and vegetable fried rice was placed. She even flipped her camera and raised the phone so he could see her do it.

“It says fifteen minutes,” she said once it sent.

He grunted. “Mine should be here around that time too.”

Even though he was more at ease because she got her life together he didn’t look at her. He’d sat the phone against something, and his eyes were focused on the screen in front of him. Though she wanted a little more interaction with him she couldn’t help but enjoy watching him focused on work.

After a few minutes she broke the silence.

“Did you get the samples I sent you?”

Yoongi nodded and said nothing, but then directed his gaze to the camera.

“But you didn’t put that one cello piece in there. That and the synth drum track,” he said.

Kendall’s brows furrowed and she sat the phone back down to focus on her own screen. After going into her email, she saw that it was indeed missing something and huffed.

“I’ll send the synth drum and this other thing I meant to give you, but you have to wait on the cello piece. I wanted to redo it. Something sounded off,” she muttered.

Despite not looking at her phone she knew he was rolling his eyes at her.

“It sounded great. You’re just being a perfectionist,” he said.

Kendall scoffed. “Says the man who played me Clair de Lune so flawlessly that I cried and then had the nerve to say it didn’t flow well enough.”

Yoongi smacked his lips, but Kendall could see a small smile form. No matter how much he pushed it back down it flared up again.

After pressing send Kendall watched him closely and said nothing. Not even when he confirmed he got the tracks did she speak a word. She just watched him with a weird smile on her face.

When Yoongi looked her way, he was taken aback by how focused on him she was, but he didn’t mind it one bit.

“What?” he asked.

Without thinking she said, “I love you.”

Yoongi rolled his eyes but smiled wide at her words. “I love you too, idiot. You just need to do better at taking care of yourself. This shit isn’t healthy.”

Kendall nodded and continued to stare at him with love in her eyes. Yoongi stared back with the same intense feeling.

They remained like that until her food arrived, then they spent the rest of the night eating and watching Sailor Moon Crystal together until Kendall fell asleep.

###

Kendall tried not to be annoyed, she really did, but it just wasn’t feasible. And it was beyond clear to Kihyun as he drove her from the airport to Yoongi’s apartment.

“I’m sorry. I called him and Namjoon, but got no answer from either of them,” he said.

That made Kendall sigh. Not because she was pissy, which she was, but because he’d apologized a million times since picking her up. He apologized more than Jungkook that time he thought he’d deleted the track she was working on. In neither instance was it their fault, but both men seemed insistent on quelling her agitation.

She turned her head and stared at Kihyun; whose eyes remained on the road.

“Ki, we’ve been over this already. You have nothing to apologize for, so stop it. I’m not mad at you. Hell, I’m not mad at all. Just annoyed. I promise.”

Kihyun glanced at her as they came to a stop light. Though he appeared skeptical after a few seconds he nodded, and she watched his body physically relax. In turn she relaxed because she hated making people feel uncomfortable when they had done nothing to warrant her mood. She could save her agitation for later.

After about half an hour and some small talk they arrived at the entrance of the building. Kihyun got out to help her with her bags and after a hi-five she made her way inside. The guard on duty was one she was familiar with and he waved at her, a smile on his face. She returned it before heading into the elevator.

As she stood and watched the floor number change it was easy to settle back into her agitated state. Pulling her phone from her pocket she checked to see if there were any messages from the hour she hadn’t looked at it. The only things were from her mom responding to her landing text, some emails, and social media notification. Not one message from any of the boys.

When the doors of the elevator finally parted, she practically stormed out, dragging her luggage behind her. She punched in the code into the keypad and just as she stepped into the apartment, she saw the reason Yoongi wasn’t answering. On the small table next to the door sat his phone.

Rolling her eyes Kendall kicked off her shoes and fully entered the apartment, ensuring that the door locked behind her. Since she knew he wasn’t home she went about her business. That meant taking her luggage and unpacking it and then going into the kitchen to make her a quick lunch. Which was reheated kimchi stew from the fridge and some rice.

By the time Kendall finished her food a wave of tired coursed through her. She’d slept well on the plane, but that didn’t make her completely void of jet lag. Staying up was the goal, but after ten minutes of sitting and fighting sleep she realized a nap wouldn’t hurt. It was only three in the afternoon anyway, so it wouldn’t mess with her sleep that night.

Before she slept, she checked her phone one last time, but again there was nothing from any of the people she needed messages from. Sighing, she texted the group chat and all the boys separately asking why no one was answering. She didn’t bother to try and wait for a response though, merely setting an alarm and passing out on the bed.

Her dreams were filled with normal everyday things, so it was a peaceful sleep. Once she’d woken up her body still felt that linger of tiredness, but it was mostly energized. Which was a miracle for a nap. Though once she tapped the screen of her phone, she realized it was because she’d been knocked out for six hours.

None of her alarms had woken her up.

“Damnit,” she groaned.

After throwing a small fit she carefully rose from the bed and stretched out. She wondered if Yoongi had appeared, though since he wasn’t in the bed with her or hadn’t woken her up, she was sure he hadn’t. And after a quick look around the apartment, including his studio, she was proven right.

Checking her phone, she went to every single chat and there was nothing, not even a read message. And she knew they kept those things on so they could drag each other when they didn’t get a prompt response. Hell, she knew that half the time Jimin went to the bathroom was to check his phone where he wouldn’t get scolded and yet nothing.

Tired of it she finally texted Sejin.

Kendall: Hey, Sejin. Is everyone alive? No one is answering my texts or calls.

She went to put down her phone after that, but there was a notification before she could.

Sejin: Today’s just been a bit busy with practice and things. Is there something that you need? Something wrong? Do I need to get Yoongi? I know he accidentally left his phone at home.

All the questions made her laugh. Of course, he’d think something was wrong.

Kendall: Nothings wrong. And I know he left his phone. I saw it when I got in a few hours ago

The three dots came almost instantly and then stopped. It went on like that for a minute solid and Kendall had no clue what he could possibly be typing. Finally, it came in.

Sejin: That was today???

So, Yoongi wasn’t the only one who’d forgotten about her. It didn’t hurt her feelings any because while it was partially Sejin’s job to remember it also wasn’t. He wasn’t the one who was supposed to come get her. Nor was he the one who left her sitting in the airport for almost two hours.

Kendall: Yes

Again, the dots, but he didn’t take as long.

Sejin: I’m so sorry, Kendall. I had it down somewhere and it slipped my mind. How did no one get back to you? Yoongi didn’t contact you? That punk. I’ll let them no to get back to you. We just finished and everyone should be heading home now.

That didn’t really warrant much of a response, so she said ok and thank you before throwing the phone on the couch. Them getting back to her was no longer a worry of hers, so she’d just continue with her evening.

Feeling disgusting she grabbed some stuff and went off to take a shower. The moment the hot water hit her skin was like a cleansing for her mind. Was her annoyance gone? No, but she felt calmer and much more relaxed. Well, at least until she remembered she’d gotten in without a shower cap on and scrambled away from the water. Thankfully, there was one already in there from when she’d been in Korea months before.

Refreshed, she hopped out the shower and got dressed. Settling on some short shorts and a tank top for her sleep attire. And after twisting her hair in large sections in order to put on her bonnet, she snagged one of Yoongi’s hoodies to walk around in.

Hunger struck her again, so she found her phone and ordered from a place that had pho. It would take some time to get there and she was set on ignoring the messages from the boys that sat in her inbox. So, she went about straightening and cleaning things. She’d done the kitchen and the living room by the time she was notified the food was there. Slipping on her shoes she went down to get it, once back in the apartment she practically inhaled it.

She watched some random show while she ate, but once she was done the urge to be productive hit her. Grabbing her laptop from the bedroom she planned to work from the couch, but then her eyes drifted towards the hall where the studio was. Being fully immersed in her work sounded better to her, and she’d wanted to work on a track, so it made sense.

Kendall grabbed some water and a pop tart before heading into the studio.

It only took her a minute to set everything up. Even booting the computer up under her log in. Everything was just like she wanted it, thankfully. Sometimes when Yoongi typed in his password wrong too many times he used her log in and ended up altering how she liked to set up her software. It was a pain in the ass to fix.

He was a pain in the ass.

Not allowing herself to get worked up Kendall focused on the computer. Slipping on some headphones she played the track a few times before tweaking it. The goal was reggae trap, but it wasn’t coming out that way at all, so she just went wherever it took her.

But twenty minutes in her phone wouldn’t stop vibrating, so she was forced to deal with it. It was a series of messages from the boys. They’d all sent apologies separately, but also blew up the group chat. Scrolling through and reading them all took a solid two minutes.

She wasn’t that upset with them. Much like Sejin they were supposed to remember, but weren’t the ones with any real responsibility. It wasn’t necessarily their job. Kendall was just being petty when she ignored their messages before.

Sighing, she realized that if she didn’t reply they’d keep messaging her nonstop or start thinking she was pissed at them or something.

Kendall: It’s fine. I’m annoyed and hate that I had to call Kihyun to come get me, but it’s fine. I’m not mad at any of you. But I’m also trying to work, so maybe tone down the spamming

There was an overall okay in response to her and she went to set her phone down only for it to go off again. That time it was just Namjoon.

Namjoon: Did Yoongi call or text?

Kendall checked her phone for a message from someone other than Joon and there was none.

Kendall: No

Namjoon: Taehyung gave him his phone so he should get to you soon. And I swear that he feels like shit for forgetting.

Though she believed him, something in her questioned why he felt the need to emphasize that. And why Yoongi didn’t just head home instead of using Tae’s phone to contact her, but she chose not to ask Joon a million questions.

Kendall: Ok, thanks for letting me know

With that she got back to work but sat the phone on her thigh, so she’d feel when it went off. Enough time passed that she’d been so into her work that the vibrating almost went unnoticed. But when she realized it, she took off the headphones and answered the call from Tae’s phone, though she did take note that it was over an hour later.

“Hello?” she said.

There was silence and then a gruff voice came through. “Hi, baby.”

“Yes?” she wasn’t going to play that game with him.

“I know I fucked up,” he said.

“Accurate.”

He laughed at that but kept going. “But I really need a favor from you and then I’ll be on the way home. Where I will apologize thoroughly.”

Of course, he needed something from her first. That explained her weird feeling about how bad he truly felt.

“What is it?” she asked.

A sigh of relief came through the phone. “There are some things in the folder labeled Jin and I need you to send it to me.”

“Fine.”

“Thank you so much. I love you.”

In return all she did was grunt. Saving her own project, she logged out and logged into his. Within a minute or two she’d found the folder and sent it to him.

“It should be there,” she said.

“Thank you. I swear I’ll be home in forty-five minutes or less.”

Kendall rolled her eyes. “Sure.”

Right as he tried to say bye, she stopped him though, there was something else she needed to say.

“If your version of telling me your sorry involves sex, you’re going to want to rethink your plan. It’s not happening.”

And with that she hung up.

Locking her phone, she threw it on the desk and refocused on her music. She wasn’t going to let him derail what she was doing.

By the time thirty minutes passed Kendall was okay with where she was in terms of progress and knew she’d need to come back to it with fresh eyes. But she played it aloud a few times to see if she genuinely liked it.

Kendall was so immersed in listening she didn’t realize that by the third playthrough she was no longer alone. Not until Yoongi’s hands were on her shoulders. It caused her to jump, but when she registered his fingers she calmed down.

She then stopped the music and turned around to face him. He was looking all sweet and innocent, but she knew better than to give in to that.

“Go ahead,” she said.

Yoongi immediately dropped the act and sighed. Then after staring at her for thirty seconds he moved closer and pushed her legs together. Before she could question that both of his knees were on either side of her thighs and he was sitting in her lap, his arms wrapping around her neck.

“Baby.”

“Don’t baby me mister.”

Yoongi rolled his eyes but didn’t retort.

“Kendall. I’m sorry I forgot about you today, I really am. I told myself last night, but then today was crazier than we thought it would be. It didn’t help that I was up late working on this thing for Kook. Which meant I rushed out of the house forgetting my phone and then I was so wrapped up in work that nothing else crossed my mind,” he rambled.

Kendall’s eyes narrowed. “Pause. A thing for Kook? As in the thing you said you stopped working on and would pick up today when you had the chance. Because you’d already pulled three all-nighters this week and you needed the rest.”

With each word Kendall became more annoyed and Yoongi realized he’d messed up.

She watched as he scrambled for something, but then finally gave up.

“Look, I know. I should’ve slept, especially since it takes me so much more energy to fake that I have energy in order to get through work. But inspiration hit and I just started working. Next thing I knew it was early in the morning and I needed to get ready for the day. I fucked up and I’ll do better about it. I promise.”

His words were sincere, and he wasn’t the only one prone to doing that, so she couldn’t be too upset with him.

“I get it. We both suck at taking better care of ourselves. We’ll both do better,” she said.

Yoongi nodded, removing one arm from around her neck so he could hold out his pinky. Smiling she linked her own with it.

“We’ll do better,” he said.

Kendall nodded and with that Yoongi got off her.

“I showered and ate dinner already, so how about we go to bed?” he asked.

A sarcastic laugh escaped Kendall and she shook her head.

“I said sex isn’t happening.”

Yoongi scoffed. “I just want to cuddle you, not sleep with you. Goodness, woman.”

Though she didn’t believe him Kendall shut everything down and allowed him to lead her out of the studio to the bedroom. There they snuggled up and watched TV. Yoongi copped several feels, especially on her butt, which he insisted was an accident. 

###

But the truth was, they didn’t do better. In fact, they got worse.

Comeback preparation came at them harder than usual and they had to dive into the chaos. Of course, it wasn’t their first time handling it, but that didn’t make things easier for either of them.

Yoongi was fully submerged in it, along with one or two projects outside of the group. Kendall wasn’t essential for the album, but she still worked on it nearly every day. Plus, there were other groups she worked with that were preparing to comeback, along with all the writing she needed to get done. It was a blessing that projects in the western world were off limits to her during prep or the stress would’ve tripled.

To their credit they did try to keep things from getting out of hand, but it only took a week before they slipped into unhealthy habits. Their focus was so on getting things done so they were out of the way, that there was no thought about taking a moment to breathe. A moment to take a walk and not think about all the things that needed to be done.

If a thing they planned wasn’t mandatory it wasn’t going to happen. There were countless outings with friends that they flaked on. A cancelled lunch here, a trip to Lotte World there, jam sessions that were only meant for some fun and stress relief. Kendall nearly missed a friend’s engagement party because she’d brushed off the reminder and twenty minutes before someone called to ask her when she was getting there.

At some point people stopped inviting them places and neither of them even noticed.

And that didn’t even account for them flaking on each other. Date nights or plans to do even the grocery shopping were put off or forgotten about. Not that either of them ever brought it up, because even if they were aware enough to remember themselves something always caught their attention, so they forgot it even happened. Well, didn’t happen.

It even reached the point where spending time together was sitting in Yoongi’s studio and working on different things. Kendall preferred her studio for producing so she’d just bring her laptop in and write. Yoongi was usually the one to invite her, but he didn’t stop staring at his screen or talking to one of the guys about a track long enough to say anything but hi.

It was getting out of control, but of the two Yoongi was the one dealing with all the stress and work better. He was pushing too hard and not taking proper care of himself, but sometimes logic would prevail. A snack would get eaten or he’d walk to a secluded park to write lyrics because he needed a change of scenery.

But even with his brief moments within reality, he was blind to the fact that Kendall was descending farther than he’d ever reached. He always had faith that she would be fine because she was strong enough to know when things truly needed to slow down, but she wasn’t doing that. And right under his nose she was on a downward spiral.

For over a month he remained blind to that, everyone did. Or at least they weren’t saying anything to him about it. Not that he listened much to what anyone told him when he was focused on something else.

However, at some point someone got fed up with the bullshit.

Kendall was on Yoongi’s couch typing away on her laptop with music blasting through her headphones, while Yoongi sat at his desk writing lyrics. They’d started working on a song the night before that he needed help tweaking. Hours past rapidly as they brainstormed and worked through it. When that was figured out, she decided to write while he finished up.

Both neglected to notice that by the time Kendall’s butt hit the couch it was seven in the morning. And they stayed like that until nine rolled around and Jin was bursting through the doors with bags in hand.

The suddenness startled them both and they stopped what they were doing to focus on him. They were met with an incredibly angry Jin and a smirking Taehyung who stood behind him watching the show.

“What time is it?” Jin asked.

“Uh…” Kendall shrugged, eyes flitting down to the bottom right of her computer screen.

When she saw the time, her eyes went wide, and her jaw dropped. There was a curse from Yoongi which indicated that he’d also checked.

“Mhm, and when were you supposed to leave?” he asked.

“No later than one,” Yoongi mumbled.

“And why is that?”

“Because we’ve already been pushing it, so the rule has been imposed for everyone so not to overwork ourselves,” Kendall said.

Jin nodded. “And yet, here you two are. Up for over twenty-four hours. Plus, you haven’t eaten since who knows when. So, you’re going home and today is an off day.”

Yoongi opened his mouth to speak, but Jin just reiterated his point.

“You’re both going to eat all of that. Only then will you be allowed to leave and when you leave, you’re going to go home and rest. Don’t make me have to come over and watch you do it either. I will know if you don’t.”

The way he glared at them meant there was no room for argument and Yoongi wasn’t going to, but Kendall had something to say.

“Actually, I have a meeting at one that’s like an hour away and then I have a session at four. So…”

That made Jin glare at her, but he didn’t have anything else to say. Of course, arguing it was an option, but work was work and there was no way around that. Yoongi even had it in him to look displeased by the news.

Without saying anything Jin moved farther into the studio and shooed Yoongi out of his chair and onto the couch. From there he took a seat and started pulling things out of the bag he’d brought with him. Before they knew it, containers of steaming food were in each of their laps and Taehyung was handing them drinks.

Once they had the food, he stared them down and waited, but Yoongi was the only one who started eating right away. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Kendall playing with the food.

“Look, Jin we didn’t mean too…”

“Just eat,” Jin said, clearly not in the mood for an explanation.

After that nothing else was said and they both just sat there and ate their food. Every drop of food was consumed too because no matter how much they told him they were full he just stared at them until they continued.

It was like they were children.

When all the food was gone Jin directed to shut everything down and gather their stuff. Jin supervised every movement. It didn’t stop there though. He got into the van that took them home and glared the entire drive there. Then he went up with them and watched as they both got ready for different things.

Yoongi prepared for bed and Kendall for her meetings. In half an hour of arrival she was out the door and Yoongi was down for the count.

But his sleep was only temporary.

After about twenty minutes he was up again, and his body didn’t want to go back down. He gave up and dragged his feet out into the living room, where Jin was still present.

“Are you not leaving?” Yoongi asked, his voice gruff.

Jin was startled by him and jumped a little, but quickly collected himself and went back to the scowl that seemed permanent.

“Not until you’ve been out for a few hours. And maybe not until Ken gets back,” Jin said.

Yoongi chuckled at that. “I can’t sleep, and she might not be back for a while so you’re going to get bored fast.”

There was a moment or two of silence before Jin’s expression shifted to something more distressed, a sigh escaping him.

“Yeah, I know.”

That response through Yoongi off. Obviously, Jin would be tired of their antics but something about him read more than that. Yoongi couldn’t pinpoint what else could be plaguing the oldest member, but he would find out. He hated seeing any of his brothers down and out.

Moving toward the couch he laid out a few feet from Jin and watched him closely.

“Something wrong? You know you can talk to me about anything, right?” Yoongi asked.

That made Jin sigh again, but it was accompanied by a humorless laugh. After a second or so Jin nodded and turned to face Yoongi.

“Not when you’re like this I can’t.”

Yoongi scoffed. “Of course, you can. I know I’ve been a little too focused lately, but you know I’m always here for you. You don’t need to worry about that.”

“You’re the one I’m least worried about,” he mumbled.

“Huh?”

For a moment Jin appeared conflicted, but then his expression turned serious. He turned his body so he was facing Yoongi full on and stared at him for a few seconds.

“Have you really not noticed Kendall’s behavior?” Jin asked.

That made Yoongi frown. He’d been caught up in work, but he liked to think if something was wrong, he’d noticed it. There was nothing that came to mind though. All he was met with was memories of her being as engulfed in her work as him, which wasn’t a great thing, but it wasn’t that bad. She had a lot of work.

Though part of him felt like that line of thinking was stupid since he was on her constantly about taking care of herself. But of course, he shook it off, they were in a high-pressure time and sometimes things needed all their attention.

“She’s been working a lot, but that’s it. Did something happen?” he asked.

Jin groaned and wiped a hand over his face.

“You’ve both been working a lot, but she’s taking it to an almost extreme level. Have you seriously not seen that she’s almost always working on something or going somewhere to do more work? I’m not even sure that she gets much sleep at this point. Let alone eats enough. I’m sure this morning was the biggest meal she had in a few weeks.”

That made Yoongi even more confused. “But I almost always see her when you guys force a group lunch. She eats then.”

Jin pursed his lips. “Have you actually seen her eat or just pick at the food while typing away at her phone and basically running away when everyone else finishes?”

Yoongi tried to think back to all the times they’d eaten together, and he remembered eating at least half his meal, but never actually seeing Kendall eat. His attention always focused on his screen or notebook. And when he’d go to put the leftovers in the fridge or trash Kendall’s containers would be beside her in the exact spot it was placed. But of course, she just happened to sit it back down there or ate out of it from that position. She wouldn’t forgo food for long, so she had to be eating.

“Of course, she…” Yoongi started, but then he recalls seeing her walk down the hall one afternoon and having to lean against the wall for a moment with her eyes closed. That could’ve been a one time thing though. Couldn’t it?

It reached a point where he just laid there with his mind going over every interaction they’d had since the prep began. He was finding all types of things that seemed normal at the time, but in hindsight didn’t make any sense if she was taking proper care of herself.

“Listen,” Jin said, regaining his attention. “You just need to talk to her. We’ve all tried, but she plays it off or has something else she needs to do. Jimin almost got her to listen, but she just went back into the habit a few hours later. You’re the only one who can call her out on it. You both need to be called out, but I know you’ll be fine. I’m scared she’s going down a dangerous path.”

At that Yoongi nodded, but he was still a bit lost in his own head. He couldn’t believe that he’d missed so many signs. There was just no way.

###

Jin confronting him the week before had woken Yoongi up from what he was doing to himself. The way he’d slimmed down a bit and how no amount of skincare could save his face; the undereye bags were going strong. It wasn’t good and so he made changes in order to be healthier. Even having the younger members enforce him taking breaks multiple times a day. It was easier to see how things were going down a bad path for him and he was eternally grateful for Jin helping pull him back as he always did.

However, with his newfound clarity and self-awareness he finally saw what was going on with Kendall. Finally, he was paying attention. He watched her for a week and could see that he’d missed everything. Even the biggest flag of them all, which was how she never left her studio if she didn’t need to. He hadn’t been looking for that before, so it got by him, but every day until who knows when she was in that room by herself working. Food set outside would go ignored and he was sure she never even peed.

How he’d been so far gone that none of those things caught his attention was still a major question, but he couldn’t focus on that. His attention needed to be on figuring out how to handle Kendall. If someone didn’t get her to snap out of it, she’d lose steam completely and enter a creative block. And she didn’t need to do that when all her jobs were creative. Yoongi cared more about her health than her hitting a roadblock, but he knew that when she did that it was much worse for her mentally. She put too much pressure on herself.

So, he needed to be strategic about it. Coming straight at her would do no good and if he was too nice or tried too hard to get her to forgo something to do something else, she’d suspect him. The only choice was for her lone plan for the day to be cancelled to create a slot where she was free. It would be hard for her to turn him down then, so he did what he had to.

Yoongi pulled out his phone and called Kihyun. His friend answered after a few rings.

“Hello.”

“Hey, Kihyun. I have a question,” Yoongi said.

“Sure, what’s up?”

“Is the thing that you’re working with Ken on something urgent? Can it be postponed or something?”

“Yes. Yes, it can!” Kihyun shouted.

It shocked Yoongi. “Uh, okay…”

A throat cleared and then Kihyun was speaking at a normal level. “Sorry. It’s just the last time she came to work on the song she looked so tired. And even though she was working as well as usual there seemed to be a lack of her normal spark. I asked her about it, and she brushed me off, but I’ve been worrying about it. So, it can definitely be put on hold so she can rest or whatever you have in mind.”

Everyone, but Yoongi had been paying attention it seemed.

“Yeah, I want to get her to rest. But listen, I need you to make up a reason why it’s pushed to another day. She cannot know that I’m the reason that this was cancelled. Getting her to stop depends on her not knowing.”

“Okay, I can do that. I’ll text her now and then text you when it’s done,” Kihyun said.

“Thanks man.”

“No problem.”

With that they hung up and Yoongi shut down everything and prepared to head out. But he couldn’t just stroll into her office after she got the news, so he played on his phone for half an hour after getting the confirmation text. After that he just casually made his way to her studio, knocking before letting himself in.

What he was met with was her sitting on the couch and staring at her table with a pen in hand. She was making edits, which made his appearance even better time wise. If she was doing it then that meant she was ahead of her schedule in some way and was even less likely to turn him down.

“Hey, baby. I was going to head out for some food. You want to come?” Yoongi asked.

For a moment or two she didn’t say anything, but that was unsurprising since he’d asked as she started to write on the screen. Once she was done with the task at hand her attention became his and he truly saw the tired in her face. The bags under her eyes were prominent and her usually plump cheeks weren’t as chubby. It made him feel even worse for not noticing it before.

“Uh. I’m not really hungry.” she said, her voice softer than usual.

“But you were gone before breakfast. Come eat with me. Unless you have something else planned?”

That made her sigh and deflate a little. Yoongi almost felt bad for messing with her schedule, but it needed to be done.

“No. Ki said that something in his schedule changed so he’d need to meet with me another day.”

Yoongi tried his best to seem chill about it. “Damn, that sucks. I hope they aren’t overworking him over there as per usual. Okay, then you can come eat with me since your meeting fell through.”

Again, he was met with no response for several seconds, but then she nodded her head and carefully rose from the couch. It was clear that it disoriented her a little, but Yoongi couldn’t react to it. He had to let her move at her own pace and get her where he wanted her to be.

As she packed up her stuff, he kept a close eye on her.

“Is there anything you want to get in particular?” she asked.

Yoongi shook his head. “Nah, not really. I was thinking something close by, but then I also remembered that Jin put some kimchi stew in the fridge so we could just eat that.”

Kendall froze and that worried Yoongi, he did not need to be found out so early. But when she turned around, she smiled at him.

“That sounds really good.”

He returned the smile. “Great. I already had one of the vans waiting out front for me, so we can just tell them where we’re going.”

Kendall nodded and then motioned for Yoongi to lead the way. When he turned around, he released a deep breath and led them out of the building and into the awaiting van. Once they were on the road it was silent between them, but he didn’t mind. He needed to ensure that he didn’t say something too soon and if they got talking, he would slip up.

Once they arrived home, he led her upstairs with a hand wrapped around her waist, which wasn’t something unusual. It appeared like affection to her and everyone else, but it was mostly him trying to keep her stable enough that she didn’t sway or stumble. If that happened, she’d get defensive when he asked if she was okay.

They got into the apartment without issue and Yoongi got to work reheating the food so they could eat. Kendall took a seat at the dining room table and began editing again. It wasn’t too intensive, so he let it be, but the moment the stew was ready, and he had some side dishes he had her put it away.

Again, they sat in silence, though that time he turned on the TV and put Brooklyn Nine-Nine on in the background. It drew in some of her attention and that’s what he wanted. He needed her calm and comfortable. If she got a filling lunch and was somewhat immersed in the show some of her walls would be down. It also helped that he genuinely enjoyed the series and she knew that, so it didn’t appear that he was trying anything.

But despite Yoongi’s careful steps Kendall saw through him. After he’d taken the dishes to the kitchen, he returned to find her waiting for him with her arms crossed.

“What?” he asked.

“You’re up to something.”

That made his heart rate spike, but he’d perfected a steady expression over the years so of course that didn’t show.

“What are you talking about?”

“We haven’t spent real time together in a while and now you’re actively seeking me out. Plus, you’ve been watching me a lot over the last two days. It’s weird and sudden. So, what are you up to?” she asked.

“I’m not allowed to show interest and want to spend time with you now? That’s suddenly… actually, no. I’m not going to do this. We’ll go back and forth for forever and I’m just going to get to the point. I’ve stopped being so caught up in work that I noticed that you’re too caught up in it. You’re not taking care of yourself and I’m worried about you. Many people are worried about you. I thought we could spend some time together and that means you would rest.”

Kendall’s expression went from suspicious to annoyed. One of her brows raised and she rose from her seat, though she didn’t move closer to Yoongi. In fact, he saw her take the smallest step back.

“So, what? You were going to try to get me to bend to your will by using things I like to lull me into a sense of comfort? Thought that would be enough to get me to forget about all the work I have to do?”

“No, I…”

“And then what? Get me to sleep? Make sure I stay in bed until tomorrow? Or were you planning on trying to get me to not work the rest of the week? Something that would put me back severely since I have things to do. Something that…”

“Stop!” he shouted. “Yes, I wanted you to take a break. And I would’ve loved if it was for the rest of the day. I would love for you to just sit down for a moment and relax. To sleep more than you do. To eat more than you do. I’d love for things to not be how they are now. But I wasn’t and don’t plan to commit some grand conspiracy against you, Kendall. I just want you to slow down and breathe.”

There was silence and then Kendall scoffed. “When you’re doing it it’s fine, but when it’s me there is suddenly this major problem. I’m fine. I’m stressed and working a lot, but I’m fine. This isn’t anything that I can’t handle. I’ve had more to do, so it’s not a problem. But a problem occurs when everyone seems to think they need to insert themselves into my life for one reason or the other. I don’t need to be watched like a child who can’t function on her own. I’m more than capable.”

Yoongi sighed and ran a hand over his face. Of course, things were taking a turn. She reacted much like him when backed into a corner when they swore, they were okay when in truth it felt like life was drowning them.

“No one is saying you’re not capable, Kendall. We just want you healthy and not pushing yourself so much. You’re losing weight and you look so drained of energy all the time. Even Kihyun said something was off during your last session. That you had your same work ethic, but your usual energy was gone,” Yoongi said gently.

He hoped that his words would change something within her, and they did, but she was angry which wasn’t the goal.

Kendall took a deep breath; her fists clenched and unclenched a few times before she glanced at Yoongi.

“Kihyun? Is that why he canceled? Because I don’t seem well enough? Great.”

Yoongi took a step forward, but she took two steps back.

“Everyone seems to have these grand ideas about what I should be doing and making decisions on my behalf. So, I’m going to let you all do what you want to do. But I won’t be around to let you do it. I have things to get done today and Kihyun canceling means I have more time. So, if you need me for my job then let me know. Other than that, back the hell off.”

With that she grabbed her stuff and was headed towards the door. Yoongi went after her, but after she slipped on her shoes she whipped around and held her hand up to stop him.

“I’ll be sleeping somewhere else tonight. Don’t wait up or come looking for me to make sure that I’m sleeping up to your standards.”

And with that she was gone. Yoongi was left cursing himself and wishing he’d handled things differently. Maybe if he had she’d be still in the apartment. If he’d only caught on sooner maybe the evening would’ve been spent cuddled together on the couch or in bed. Honestly, anything was better than what happened.

Yoongi couldn’t help but feel like he’d messed everything up.

###

Despite wanting to fix things as soon as they happened Yoongi waited it out. He knew that coming at Kendall again would just yield another argument and he didn’t want that. Especially because he was likely to lose his cool and things would become worse.

So, he sat back and let her do what she wanted for a few days. Every time he ate, he grabbed her food, sat it near the door and walked away. Sometimes it would be gone when he went by again, but more often than not it was still sitting there. It was frustrating, but he didn’t let up and just kept doing it. There were even little notes where he left her with encouraging messages or that relayed how much he loved her. He hoped it would help soften her and that she’d see his true intentions.

And when they worked together, he was his usual self. There was no pressure to eat, drink, or rest. Kendall had already taken to avoiding him, so he didn’t want her to just completely ignore his existence. He only got such brief time with her to make sure she was okay, and he refused to risk it.

The method was honestly great for the first few days, but then after two days in a row with food untouched and her barely leaving the office he’d had enough. The boys could see it too, they watched as he was pushed over the edge.

They stood in the middle of the practice room discussing the choreography they went over a few times. It was the early stages, they were more worried about everyone getting it than it being in sync, so the topic of discussion was one move that almost everyone was struggling with.

But it was during Namjoon explaining that maybe they could alter the instrumental a little to fit that shit hit the fan.

“I could talk to Kendall about it. Of course, making changes is a bit much but it would be kind of cool. None of us are doing it as smoothly as needed and we were discussing adding more of that slightly disjointed sound to the chorus. It wouldn’t take much time at all,” Namjoon said.

Hoseok pursed his lips and nodded. “But when can she do it? Of course, we can practice it with that in mind, but we need to hear it and get approval before we make that choice. And she said she had a lot to do today. Something about having a new project to work on and needing to prepar…”

When Yoongi heard she took on another project his head snapped up, his eyes focused on Hoseok. The younger male was startled by the attention, especially since Yoongi was glaring at him.

“She has another what?” Yoongi said, practically shouting the words.

No one said a thing, but then after they all were the focus of his glare Jungkook said something.

“Yeah, she took on this thing for some artist she really likes. They’re an American one, but she wanted it more than she cared about sticking to her rule during comeback prep.”

The rage that filled Yoongi was swift and before anyone could utter another word, he was storming out of the practice room. He didn’t stop until he reached the elevators, but as he waited for the doors to open, he could feel his emotions intensify. It was time to put an end to the situation and he didn’t care about her being upset with him.

“Where are you going?” Namjoon called out as he caught up with Yoongi.

“To stop this shit.”

“Yoongi, you can’t just come at her all pissed off. She doesn’t respond well to that, you know this,” Joon tried to reason.

“I’m not going to her.”

Just as he said that the doors opened, and he stepped through. Namjoon stood and watched him, conflict clear in his expression. Yoongi waited a second, but when he didn’t make a move, he pressed the floor number. Just before the doors closed Namjoon slid in after him.

The elevator ride was tense and quiet. Yoongi was trying to control his anger so that he wouldn’t lash out at anyone. No one was at fault for this and there was no need for them to have to deal with his issues. Even if they were all willing, he’d hate if he’d made anyone too uncomfortable once everything was over.

When the doors opened, they walked out and the secretary simply nodded and pointed towards their destination. After knocking and being granted entrance they walked into Bang’s office.

Their boss looked prepared for their arrival and Yoongi was sure one of the boys put two and two together and warned him. He didn’t mind though; it was easier to handle it if he didn’t have to just show up and lay it all out when he least expected it.

“Is there something I can help you with, Yoongi?” Bang asked.

Taking a deep breath Yoongi collected himself and then nodded. “Yes, there is. Kendall has been a little, well a lot overwhelmed the last few months. She’s working more than she needs to and not taking care of herself properly. Obviously, some of this stuff is out of your domain, but a lot of it is work on producing and writing. It’s reached a point where she won’t listen and even when things fall through, she finds a million other things to do in its place. I know that her main focus is on the girl group debut and you wanted her to take full control of that, but they won’t even be announced for a few months and she’s way ahead of schedule. So, what I’m asking for is her taking a break. She’ll have more than enough time to come back to it and have them ready. But right now, she needs to step back. I need her to step back before things get worse.”

Yoongi hadn’t meant to be long winded, but once he started talking it all came out. And that included the distress he was feeling. His voice went up a few octaves and he was pleading with Bang to agree with him. He needed for him to give the go ahead.

It was silent for a moment, but then Bang nodded. “I’ve noticed that she’s been working a lot, but I didn’t know to what extent. She’s farther ahead then what we talked about. Practically finished the album. So, we can put a hold on any more work until she’s had proper rest. If that needs to start today, then it can. I’ll send the email and make the call.”

After nodding and giving a brief thank you Yoongi was out the door and back in the elevator with Namjoon hot on his heels.

“What are you going to do?” Namjoon asked.

“We’re going home.”

“And if she doesn’t choose to go? You know she’s not just going to agree. So, what are you going to do?”

For a while Yoongi didn’t say anything, but the moment he stepped off the elevator he turned to face Joon.

“I’m going to tell her too much time has gone.”

Namjoon’s eyes widened at that, but Yoongi could see on his face he understood. That phrase - too much time has gone - was used when there was something serious they needed to talk about. Something where one of them needed to be heard out and it invoked the urge to listen better with the other. Kendall wouldn’t be able to refuse and would have to see how concerned he was.

He hated using it because it always left him on edge when she used it and he would assume the worst, so he knew she had to feel it too when he did it.

“Call or text me after. Okay?” Namjoon said.

Yoongi nodded and then turned to walk down the hall. He made a quick stop in the practice room to grab his stuff and then did the same in his office. Once packed up he headed towards her studio. As he went, he prepared himself for a shit show and he really wished it didn’t need to be, but he’d accept that if it meant she’d be okay.

When he walked up to the door the bag of food he’d left earlier was gone and that helped calm him. At least she ate something. He took a deep breath and knocked on the door but got nothing. Several knocks and doorbell rings later he put in the passcode and entered the studio. Instead of finding Kendall immersed in her work he was met with darkness, which was weird because she didn’t have any outside work.

Yoongi flipped the switch and found everything was shut down, but something on her desk caught his eye. He moved closer and saw the bag of food, which was still untouched, but before he could focus on that his eyes drifted to the note on the desk. It was the one he left, and it read: You’re doing a great job, baby. I got your favorite. I love you.

The paper was wet unlike it had been when he dropped it off and it only took a second to realize that it was from tears. Even the space around it had a few drops here and there.

His first thoughts were about if she was okay and the next were hoping that maybe they’d just been from him finally breaking through to her. Either way she needed to be found.

Yoongi sprinted out of the room and slammed into SlowRabbit who looked at him confused, but then noticed where he was coming from.

“Ken went home. Said she needed to do something,” SlowRabbit said.

Muttering a quick thank you Yoongi was running again. He needed to get home fast. Thankfully once he got to the lobby Joon was waiting there with one of the drivers, once they saw him the driver headed to a car out front and Yoongi moved after him.

The drive to the apartment was tense. There was a giddiness inside of him as he clung to the idea that she’d finally seen the light, but there was also a deep-rooted fear of what could happen if she wasn’t coming back to reality. It left him all over the place and sweating more than he had during dance practice.

Once in his building he felt his anxiety diminish, but for some reason he walked very slowly through the lobby and to the elevators. Like he was stalling for time trying to come up with something, but in truth his mind was completely blank. Even as the elevator indicated he was getting closer to his floor his mind remained emptied.

It was weird.

As the doors opened, he started to think again, but that quickly came to a halt. At the end of the hall there was a person collapsed onto the floor. Panic filled him and he sprinted out to them, dropping to his knees to make sure they were okay.

“Excuse me? Hey. Hey. Wake up.” He chanted as he carefully rolled them over.

When he saw the face, he stopped breathing. For some reason it didn’t register in his head that the person was on his floor and in front of his door. It didn’t register that the person could be Kendall. Until he saw her face.

“Kendall! Kendall! Baby!”

He shook her gently, one of his hands going to cup her face. She wasn’t responding or even moving and that panicked him more. His mind raced and he continued trying to get her to wake up. Screaming her name and shaking her to get some sort of response.

It took a minute or so before it clicked with him that he needed to act. That there was no time to waste.

He placed his fingers under her nose and waited, after a few seconds he was sure that she was still breathing. It wasn’t strong, but it was something. He then fumbled in his pocket for his phone and when it was finally in his clutches, he dialed emergency services. His eyes never left Kendall’s face and his finger remained under her nose.

When they answered he had a response ready, but instead of words a sob broke free. The tears came soon after and he was finding it hard to say anything.

“Hello? Hello? I can hear you crying, dear. Please tell me what’s wrong,” a soft voice said on the other end.

Yoongi took a breath and reminded himself what was at stake.

“My… my girlfriend collapsed, and I don’t know how long she’s been out. I found her in the hallway of our apartment building. Her breathing… her… her breathing isn’t as strong as it should be. And neither is her… pul… pulse.” He finally managed to choke out.

“Okay. I’m glad that you checked all those things out. If she’s still breathing, there’s a chance she’s fine. Can you give me the location?”

He mumbled off the address and what floor they were on. As he spoke more, he calmed, but the tears never stopped and at any given moment he was hit with an intense wave of distress.

Yoongi’s eyes never left Kendall, even as the dispatcher kept him talking so he wouldn’t freak out too much. He couldn’t take his eyes off her. The last time he’d done that led him to the pain he was enduring in that moment.

###

Kendall’s body felt too hot and she needed to cool off but no matter how much she adjusted there was no escape. At some point she was forced to wake up and try to free herself, but the moment that her eyes opened she felt disoriented.

Everything was fuzzy and her head felt swimmy. It was as if she wasn’t grounded and she didn’t know why. Of course, she wanted to fight for some clarity, but she knew she’d needed to just let it pass first. So, she waited until her vision cleared and she felt settled before trying to figure anything else out.

Who knows how much time passed before she could make out her surroundings, but when she could confusion filled her. She wasn’t in the apartment or in her studio, but what looked like a hospital room. But for the life of her she couldn’t figure out why she’d be there.

Kendall searched her memory for something, but it was as clouded as her vision had been. She didn’t let that stop her though, she focused on what she could last remember until snippets of her day came up. They were so short that she couldn’t make anything out of them though. It was frustrating, but she needed answers and she was alone so there was no one to give them.

At least she thought she was alone.

As Kendall took in her surroundings and then herself, she finally noticed that she wasn’t the only one in the hospital bed. Next to her lay Yoongi. He was asleep and looked so peaceful that she momentarily forgot what she was doing. It had been so long since she’d seen him like that and she wanted to savor it, but before she could even get comfortable with the idea it all came rushing back to her.

She’d been working on a track that was proving difficult for her. The idea she had in her head wouldn’t translate into the actual work. Nothing she tried was working and she was close to screaming about it. Instead she decided to take a step back and finish some things on a different track for a friend. It would give her a break and the chance to get some more work done.

Halfway through that hunger struck her and she’d peeked out to see if Yoongi left any food for her like he had been. Kendall was still upset with him for actively trying to hinder her work, but she appreciated the gesture because she often forgot to eat. It wasn’t that big a deal, but not having to search for food when she finally decided to eat was a good thing.

She’d grabbed the food and brought it in, but as she opened the bag there was a post-it on top. It wasn’t surprising since he left them with every meal and she’d planned to sit it aside, but then she read the words. For some reason something in her finally snapped and she felt her body droop and tears fall from her eyes.

Yoongi was being so caring and loving, even after she lashed out at him. He was making sure that she at least ate and reminding her constantly that she was doing great and was enough. She’d been so caught up in doing everything that she’d let those things slip away from her. Let herself reach a point where she was so tired all the time and barely functioning mentally but using the excuse of needing to stay ahead as a reason to keep going. As a reason to not take a moment to breathe.

Kendall ran herself into the ground. And instead of giving into him and taking in what he tried to tell her she’d pushed herself further to prove a point.

But she was tired of proving that point.

So, after crying she packed her stuff and planned to head home. Yoongi was practicing so she didn’t want to disturb him. She’d planned to text him after she got home and showered, it would be enough time for the boys to be taking a break. After telling Slow Rabbit she was leaving, a van took her to the apartment and she was eager to finally stop being so hardheaded so she could rest. However, as she got onto the elevator, she felt weird, but couldn’t pinpoint why. She brushed it off as being tired and thought maybe she should nap and then shower.

But as she got off the elevator and walked towards the door everything around her shifted. It was like a kaleidoscope was right in front of her eyes and before she knew it her body was falling in slow motion. After that everything was blank.

The moment her brain caught up she felt herself tear up; she’d fucked up. Not only had she done damage to her body, but she couldn’t imagine how Yoongi felt. Had he been the one to find her? Was he notified as he tried to live out his day? She hoped she hadn’t scared him too much.

As the tears fell her hand moved to caress his cheek. At her touch he shifted but didn’t wake up. Leaning down she pressed a kiss to his forehead. It was soft and lingered for several seconds. When she pulled away though, his eyes were wide open, and he was staring at her. The sadness was clear, but there was also some relief.

“Baby,” he whispered.

Kendall didn’t get the chance to say anything though, because he was kissing all over her face in seconds. After he pulled her tight, burying his face in her neck.

“You scared the shit out of me, Kendall. You can’t keep doing this shit, okay? It needs to stop,” he mumbled.

“I know. I’m sorry,” she said.

It was all she could think to say. She wanted to explain herself, but it didn’t feel like the right time, so she let it be.

They spent the rest of the day like that. Even when the doctors came in Yoongi didn’t stray too far from her, he always had to be touching her. If he couldn’t be in the bed with her then he was holding her hand and if she left to use the bathroom, he would snatch it up the moment she was out.

It hurt her heart to see him like that. To watch him look at her as if she were going to slip through his fingers and disappear.

“I’m sorry,” she started. “I didn’t mean for this to happen. I should’ve listened to all of you and stopped letting work take over, but I just pushed myself harder. And when it finally clicked, when your note put me back into reality, I was going to take a break. I’d gone home to shower and rest. I was going to message you after to not be a disturbance and because I knew we were going to need to talk, but I didn’t get the chance. I didn’t mean for it to get this far.”

Yoongi just watched her as she spoke, nodding along to show that he was listening. When she finished, he leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her lips. He murmured about how it would be okay, and they would deal with it later. Kendall didn’t think that wise, but then the boys showed up to pay her a visit and lightly scold her, so the moment was lost.

After her explanation Yoongi still remained close by, but she noticed a shift in him. His relief faded and he relaxed more, but something else rose to the surface. He was clearly annoyed and though she wanted to ask if he was okay, she knew it was best not to. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to know why he was upset. Kendall expected his rage to surface at some point, but she wished it made him more vocal.

Instead of scolding her or just straight up yelling he remained silent. They didn’t speak much and any conversations she tried to start fizzled within seconds. It left things tense all the time and despite the guilt it grew tiresome.

Thankfully, they only kept her for a day after she’d woken up so she could rest at home. That meant that she wasn’t confined in one room with him watching her with his underlying anger, but it didn’t make her feel any less uncomfortable. Yoongi still made sure she rested, took her medication, and ate. He worked outside of the home studio to keep an eye on her but kept his distance. And his silence remained. He’d even mastered answering her questions without saying a single word and after three days Kendall was over it.

She’d come home from the hospital still quite drained, but with eating regularly and resting her energy returned to her. Which meant she could risk exerting herself a bit to push the issue. And after he’d blatantly ignored a question she asked it was hard not to snap.

“Can you just fucking yell at me already? I get you have some stuff to work through and are probably trying to figure out how you want to address this, but please just do it. Just say what you want to say. Yell. Cuss. Tell me you hate me. I don’t care. Just please say something!” she blurted out.

That made him pause and turn around to face her. His expression was one that he wore when he was pissed off and though it made her stomach drop it’s what she wanted. What she needed.

Yoongi laughed after a few seconds. One of those humorless ones, that were so loud and obnoxious that they seemed fake. It lasted for a moment and then he abruptly stopped, taking a few steps forward so they were only two feet apart.

“Okay. I’ll talk. We both went off the deep in and got too caught up in things. You more than me, but we’re both guilty of it. But I was so off in my own damn world that I didn’t notice you were taking it a step too far. I had to be told by Jin, who saw it from the start and tried to help. I had to be told to take a closer look at my girlfriend who I saw often, and thought was okay. I fucked up and part of this is on me. No matter what you say I’m sticking to that because I know how far you can go, and I wasn’t seeing the signs. Hell, I even encouraged it with my own behavior.

“But then you have to be so damn stubborn about things. You have to think because there are no obvious effects on you that you’re doing okay and that everyone else is seeing things. You push yourself too hard, Kendall. No matter how overwhelmed you are, you push so hard as if you can’t take a breath. As if you couldn’t half ass it and still come out with some great work. And you let yourself get so in your head that you fucking forgot that and neglected yourself. Barely ate. Barely slept. Barely did anything besides work, even when there shouldn’t have been any work to do. And that shit ended with me fucking finding you passed out on the ground in front of our home. Of me fearing that you weren’t going to be… be… that you weren’t going to be okay. This entire situation is fucked up and I need some time, okay?

So, let me have my time to fucking think. Let me have the chance to stop being mad at you and me, so we can try to move the hell forward after this shit show.”

With that he turned on his heel and walked away. He went into the bedroom and slammed the door behind him. It left Kendall alone in the living room feeling worse than she had when she woke up in the hospital. She knew she had no valid reason to cry since she’d brought this on herself, but it felt like her heart was ripped out of her chest.

It felt like she’d fucked her entire relationship up.


	27. Knuckleheads - Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes you have to work a little harder to rebuild what was broken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is part 2 of the collab that I posted around this time last month. It's also the last part of it. The story finished off here. However, because I lack self-control there will be more of this pairing to come in a few months. 3 at least.

Kendall dreaded most of her nightly facetimes with Yoongi and she hated that. But the discomfort and fear that came with them just wouldn’t let up, even when six months had passed since the incident. Even as they both got comfortable with each other again and the guilt eased on either side. There was just this lingering voice in her head that said she needed to be careful before she messed up again. Messed up and really ruined their relationship, which was the last thing she ever wanted and feared she would if she slipped up in the slightest.

That fear was why two hours before every call she went through a checklist of things that needed to be done. She tried to check it as she did each task throughout the day, but sometimes she forgot one or two things. And if something on that list hadn’t been done, she’d do it, so she didn’t have to lie about doing it if he asked or if the conversation led there. Lying would help no one, especially herself.

The night of the last call before she’d see him in person - the first time in three months - was beyond nerve wracking. She’d gotten caught up in work and was left with an hour to get everything checked off. That meant reheating her dinner and finishing it off, doing a quick fifteen-minute workout to compensate for how little she’d been able to leave her desk, and showering.

By the time the call came in she was still working on washing her face and answered just before she could rinse off the face wash.

“Hello?” Yoongi said.

Ken was out of frame which probably confused him, but once she’d dried her face the phone was adjusted so that he could see her.

“Hi,” she said.

Yoongi stared at her for a moment and said nothing, which made her stomach uneasy. But before the nerves could truly settle in, he smiled at her. One of those soft, genuine ones that expressed he was happy in some capacity. It soothed the discomfort that started to brew in her stomach and mind.

“Are you just getting in?” he asked.

Kendall shook her head but didn’t respond right away as she poured toner into her hands to pat into her skin. Once that was done, she turned her attention back to him.

“No, I came back around five. But I took a nap and it lasted longer than I intended it to. Which would’ve been fine if I didn’t wake up to Ara asking for me to do some last-minute edits before she sent off my manuscript. So, I finished that in like two hours, but got so distracted trying to rephrase a sentence that it was later than I intended to finish.”

Every word she said was careful, Kendall didn’t want to risk going on a tangent and saying the wrong thing the wrong way. Even if it were a simple misunderstanding that could be cleared up in seconds, she wanted to avoid it.

But even with how she worded it Yoongi frowned at her.

“Did you eat?”

Kendall nodded; her eyes focused on the mirror in front of her as she applied a vitamin c serum.

“Yes. That’s why I needed the nap and I ate again a little after I woke up.”

She’d hoped it would end there, but of course it didn’t.

“But why so late for lunch?” Yoongi asked.

Without missing a beat, she answered. “I started my day later than usual by waking up at eleven. Breakfast wasn’t eaten until almost noon, so lunch wasn’t eaten until four. Plus, it was a work lunch thing with Marcus, which meant I was going to eat more than I should anyway.”

That left him silent and though it was killing her, Kendall refused to look at her phone again until she finished the rest of her skincare. It gave her time to steel her nerves if he was going to be upset with her.

When she finally did look his gaze was elsewhere and she realized he was talking to someone else. He’d pulled the phone away, so she just simply hadn’t heard him or the other person speaking. And that was much better than him silently being upset with her. Especially since the last time he’d gone that quiet on her was the day before he barely spoke to her for a month.

By the time he started paying attention again she’d moved from the bathroom to the bedroom, snuggled comfortably under her blanket. For a moment he appeared thrown off by the change in scenery, but he bounced back quickly.

“Uh, what were we talking about?” he mumbled, but before she could answer he was talking again. “Oh, yeah. So, you ate. That’s… good.”

The hope that his momentary distraction would bring a subject change was gone and she deflated a little. But she didn’t want him to notice, so she kept her face neutral and nodded. If he caught on, he didn’t say anything about that, just stared at her again with his expression making him appear deep in thought.

It was so freaking awkward, and Kendall didn’t know what to say or do, so she simply turned her attention to flipping through Netflix. It was about a minute or so later that she found something to rewatch and the words to say.

“So, what do you have planned for today?” she asked.

“Uh, we leave for the airport in an hour. They changed our flights last minute, so I’m just working on something until Jin says the van is here. He came over for breakfast.”

“Oh, makes sense,” she mumbled.

Though she’d come up with a question to get things moving her brain hadn’t thought far ahead enough to have another one ready. Thankfully, Yoongi was ready to take control of the conversation.

“Did you finish the season without me? Don’t think I didn’t see Netflix reflect being four episodes ahead and then back again a day later,” he accused.

That took away Kendall’s other worries as she tried to lie her way out of saying she’d binged almost to the end. Watching shows together meant no skipping ahead at all and it was a punishable offense. There was no way she was going to outright admit it, at least not without putting up a fight.

And so, for the rest of their call they talked about that and then a few songs that Yoongi stumbled upon. He thought she’d like them, so he played them, and they listened together, chatting here and there.

Forty-five minutes later Jin came to get Yoongi since their ride was there. Yoongi waved him off and then went to say bye to Kendall.

“I’ll text you before takeoff and when we land, okay?” he said.

Kendall nodded. “I’ll probably be at this work thing when you guys get here, so I’ll see you after or the next day.”

“Okay. I love you.”

“I love you too,” she said.

After throwing her a quick finger heart Yoongi hung up and Kendall was alone with her thoughts. And her thoughts weren’t pretty. They lingered on the memory of his expression when she mentioned how her eating went that day and the one when she brought up the work event she had to attend. It was the same expression he gave her every time eating, rest, or working came into play. The worry was etched strongly into his features and she appreciated that he cared, but she missed not having to see it so much. Not having to see that fear that she wasn’t taking care of herself. Not having to see the lack of trust in her ability to function on a healthy level.

She understood why, but it didn’t make it hurt any less.

The clear lack of faith in her was a dagger to the heart and she couldn’t stop the tears that flowed because of it. It wasn’t surprising though since she often cried herself to sleep after their calls.

###

The first day and a half of the boys being in California was spent relaxing around the house the company rented for their stay. Usually they’d have schedules almost immediately, but for once they were allowed a bit more freedom. And that freedom meant that they stayed in the house and only left their room’s when someone mentioned a group movie watch.

Yoongi barely wanted to leave his room for that. Kendall had to force him to get up or he would’ve stayed cuddled with her like they had been since she’d arrived. Which she clearly didn’t mind but told him that moving about and interacting with others for a few hours would help with the jet lag a little. Yoongi didn’t agree with that, but he gave in after she gave him several kisses.

That was how she got him to do most things during that day of relaxation. And when the next morning came and she needed to leave for something he required more kisses than either of them could count.

In truth he would’ve let her go after the first two, but then he saw that she was willing to continue giving them until he’d release her, so he got greedy. But after five minutes of being held hostage she broke free and left him all alone. He hoped sleep would come to him again, but after half an hour of nothing he was forced to get up.

After a brief shower and change he stumbled down the stairs to the living room where he found a few of the others loitering around. They were all dressed and looked ready to leave, which confused him.

“Where are you going?” he asked, making his presence known.

Jungkook looked his way first, his eyes widening from their half-closed state from when Yoongi entered the room. The kid looked like he was ready to pass out at any second.

“We’re going out for breakfast, remember?” Jin said.

Yoongi was at a loss because he couldn’t recall that ever being the plan. He’d expected at least half the day spent in the house until their schedule later on. He was ready to say he didn’t remember, but then the memory of Halsey texting Namjoon about going out during the movie came back to him.

“Oops.”

At that Jin rolled his eyes and then his focus went back to his phone. Yoongi joined him on the couch and messed around on his own phone, returning texts, and checking social media. After a few minutes everyone was downstairs and ready to go.

They piled into two separate vans and headed to wherever Halsey had set up the breakfast.

As they went Yoongi’s mind drifted to Kendall. He missed her, but he mostly wondered what she was doing. She hadn’t divulged the details, just said there was some work that she needed to do or something of that nature. Yoongi hoped she ate before she got too busy and planned to text her about it until his attention was drawn elsewhere.

“Did you get a chance to look at the thing I told you about last night?” Hoseok asked Yoongi.

Again, Yoongi was left a little confused before his brain caught up. He really needed coffee or something if he was going to get through the day.

“No,” he said.

At that Hoseok sighed and pulled out his phone. He tapped around for a little while until something was pulled up. Then he handed Yoongi one of his air pods and waited until it was firmly in the elder’s ear before pressing play.

Yoongi sat back and listened, his mind focusing solely on the sounds from the headphones. It was a slow building instrumental and then suddenly there was the injection of Hobi’s usual style when the drop hit. There were some things he’d change, but he liked it. Actually, he loved it and that excitement made him forget that he was going to check on Kendall. He and Hobi dove into a deep discussion about what the goal was for it and a few tweaks that could help it along.

They were so in their own world that everyone had gotten out of the car and it took Jin coming back to knock on the window to get their attention. But that didn’t stop them. Even after they got out of the car, into the restaurant, and greeted Halsey they still were immersed in discussion. They even pulled in Joon at some point and the three of them were huddled in the booth typing things into their phones or writing them down on napkins.

They would’ve remained that way had Jimin not gotten annoyed and slapped the table a little. “Hey! We can’t keep telling the waitress we need more time.”

That gained their attention and a sheepish expression from all of them. After that they turned their attention to the menus and when the waitress showed up again, they were ready to order. Yoongi ordered coffee and the waitress must have seen how much he needed it because she returned with a large mug for him moments later.

With food orders out of the way everyone went into conversation.

“How much do you guys have to do before the Grammys?” Halsey asked.

At that they all groaned.

Namjoon huffed. “We have ten different interviews, performance practice for the Grammys and for another show, some random appearances here and there, plus some music to work on with some producers while we’re here. And let’s not get started about what comes after the awards.”

Halsey grimaced and tried to give some reassuring words, but nothing could be said that would alleviate all the tension they were feeling. Even Yoongi was feeling immense pressure when he usually handled it the best. Or at least appeared to handle it the best.

The more he sat and thought about the schedule Sejin showed them, the more he wished he was back in bed with Kendall again. That was infinitely better than most things, but definitely better than their packed schedule. You’d think that over time he’d get used to BigHit having them work so much, but that was far from the truth.

“Well, you have the parties to look forward to this time. I know you guys plan to go to one or two. And you’re going to the Roc Nation Brunch, right Yoongi?”

He nodded and chewed on his lower lip. The thought of the brunch didn’t ease his nerves, but it did get him to smile a little. He couldn’t help but look forward to going to an event that was bound to have many people whose music he admired.

“Yeah. Kendall decided to go this time and I’m going with her. We have to go see a stylist to finalize some things in a few days,” Yoongi said.

Halsey smiled. “You must be excited. I know a few of your favorite rappers were invited and a few artists you said you’d like to work with. And who want to work with you.”

All Yoongi could do was nod. He felt giddy just thinking about it and refused to be that outwardly happy in public. The place was mostly empty because of security reasons, but that was beside the point.

After he didn’t elaborate, the conversation turned to Halsey’s schedules. She was also performing and presenting at the Grammys, so they’d be seeing a lot of each other.

When the food arrived, silence reigned for a while unless someone had a comment or wanted to try something another person ordered. The more he ate the more Yoongi felt awake and like a functioning human being. Well, that and all the coffee he was consuming. He didn’t go too crazy because it would leave him jittery, but he had enough that he would be wide awake for several hours after the fact.

Just as they were finishing up though, a call brought everyone’s attention to Halsey. She gave a quick apology and walked away to answer it. When she came back, she was rolling her eyes and laughing.

“What?” Jungkook asked.

Halsey shook her head. “Nothing. Ken was calling me to ask about a few words in French because she needed them, and Google was of no help to her.”

Jungkook nodded, but then pursed his lips. “What is she doing anyway? I know I saw her leave the house earlier and she just mentioned she had something to do.”

After downing the rest of her water Halsey answered. “She had a writer’s club thing scheduled for today. They go to some cafe around here that a friend owns and write or brainstorm for a while. I think she said the session was going to be like five hours or so. She’s almost at the climax of her draft and was eager to get it done and over with.”

A weird feeling overtook Yoongi when she said that, but he tried to keep it at bay; he didn’t want to go down that train of thought. Doing that would only be taking two steps back in all the progress he made since the incident. It wasn’t like Kendall was spending all day there and she was with other people. People who were surely responsible enough to know when it was time to call it quits.

He refused to think about the possibilities of her slipping into old habits.

In his attempt to regain control of his thoughts he almost missed the cue to leave as everyone got up. He followed behind in a careful manner and tried to keep his focus on them and what was happening in the moment. There was mention of shopping around for an hour or two which was approved by Sejin. He didn’t need to buy anything or necessarily want to, but he didn’t mind the distraction.

With the plan in place they headed out and got into their respective vans. As they drove down the street a sign caught Yoongi’s attention because the name was familiar, but he came up short on why. It wasn’t really important, so he didn’t try too hard to remember and found his attention moving to the other shops that they passed. A few were brands he was fond of or stores he wanted to check out, which overtook his whole not needing or wanting anything thought from before. If something caught his eye and he didn’t think the price was ridiculous then maybe he’d indulge.

That thinking kept him occupied for a while as they finally exited the cars and started going in and out of stores. Everyone kept the purchases small, except for Hoseok who seemed to find something in almost every store. The man could shop for days. And as always Yoongi indulged him, following him to each store and looking around until he was done.

An hour in as they stopped to grab something to drink at a Starbucks did something click in Yoongi’s head. The name on that sign was familiar because it was the one that Kendall’s friend owned and the place she usually did her gatherings.

And just like that Yoongi’s mind was drifting where it shouldn’t. To all the things that could go wrong if she hadn’t eaten or hydrated or didn’t have her wrist braces. To if she’d been working a lot in the days leading up and if she was on a deadline of any kind that she was hyper-focused on. To the way she looked leading up to the incident. To what she looked like when he’d found her passed out and when she lay unconscious in the hospital.

It drove him up the wall and he unconsciously pulled out his phone and texted her. The message was a simple check-in message, not something out of the ordinary. What was out of the ordinary though was the way he reacted when a few minutes passed and there was no response. There was a series of texts sent.

Yoongi: I just wanted to see if you were busy or we could talk for a second?

Yoongi: Just checking in on you

Yoongi: And I miss you

Yoongi: Hello?

Yoongi: Kendall…

The more he texted without response the more the worry settled into his chest and wouldn’t leave. Yoongi tried to be reasonable, but his brain just kept flashing images of her in the hospital. 

That led to him calling her, to which he was also met with no response. Her voicemail said something about being out of touch for a few hours and getting back to the caller later.

That’s when he knew that he was being unreasonable. He knew that he needed to calm down and stop overthinking things. But by the time he’d taken a deep breath and pulled himself together he’d already led Hoseok and their security to a shop that was near the cafe. It was right next door.

When he noticed he stopped in his tracks.

Hoseok bumped into him because of the suddenness and started to grumble until he stood next to Yoongi and saw what he was looking at. From the look on his face it was clear he knew what was happening.

“Just pop in and say hi. Don’t say anything crazy to upset her.” He patted Yoongi on the shoulder and started towards the store with one of the guards.

Upsetting her was the last thing Yoongi wanted, but something about the way Hoseok said it made him feel weird. Like the younger man knew information that he didn’t, but he had no time to think that over. He was in broad daylight and needed to get a move on so not to draw attention.

So, with his guard in tow he walked over to the cafe, took a deep breath, and knocked. It took a few more knocks to get someone to come to the door and when they did it was a woman who looked very annoyed with him. Though the expression vanished after she clearly registered who it was.

“You’re here for Kendall?” she asked.

Yoongi nodded. “Was just coming to see her for a minute.”

The woman nodded and led them farther into the cafe after locking the door. They were instantly met with the stares of everyone who was there, well everyone except Kendall who was still in her own world. She had to have her arm slapped before she pushed her headphones off and paid attention. After glaring at the person who’d hit her, her eyes flitted over to Yoongi and widened.

Without a word she got up and walked over to him. “What are you doing here?”

Yoongi shrugged, trying to play it cool. “We were nearby doing some shopping and I remembered you mentioning this place, so I thought I’d swing by for a second. I missed you.”

That had Kendall narrowing her eyes at him. She grasped his hand and led him over toward the kitchen area of the cafe, directing his guard to take a seat.

Once they were alone, she turned to him with her brow raised. “So, you missed me and were in the area?”

Yoongi continued to try and play it cool, but when his eyes found the slightest things “off” about her he found it a struggle. There were slight bags under her eyes and the way she carried herself just presented this tired exterior. How had he not noticed how tired she was before?

After he realized he’d remained silent for too long he shook his head and cleared his throat. “Yeah, like I said we were around and as we were walking, we came this way and I thought I’d come see you while Hobi checked out his twentieth store.”

It took a moment, but then Kendall’s face relaxed as did her body. The defensive stance she took left her and Yoongi felt relieved that she was no longer seeing through him. She opened her mouth to speak, but instead ended up covering up a long yawn. That sent Yoongi into overdrive and though he was still careful he had to say something.

“You seem tired, baby. You sure you don’t need a nap?” he joked.

Kendall laughed, but was cut off by yet another yawn. Once that one was done, she groaned. “Maybe, I do.”

Yoongi thought that was a great opening. “How about you come take one with me?”

The thing was he miscalculated when the right time to say something like that was. Kendall froze after that and her defenses went back up. Yoongi watched as she went from calm to basically glaring at him.

He messed up.

Kendall took a deep breath before speaking. “I didn’t tell you what I was doing today or where I’d be. Meaning you heard it from Hals, which is fine it’s not like I was keeping a secret and I know you all were together when I called. So, none of that is a problem. And I didn’t make a fuss about you coming and disturbing this whole writing thing, something you know not to do unless it’s an emergency, because I missed you and hated having to leave this morning. So also, not a problem. But what is becoming a problem is you here lying to my face. So, tell me why you’re here, Yoongi.”

Yoongi was conflicted and wanted to play it off but lying to her would do more damage and he didn’t want that. Especially not in a place that wasn’t private where they could work out his brief moment of stupidity.

“We were in the area and that is why I came by. I wanted to check in on you. Make sure things were going okay and that you weren…”

She cut him off. “That I wasn’t pushing myself too hard?”

Shame filled him, but he nodded his head.

What he expected was for her to rant and rave about how tired she was of him doing that or being offended, but what he got instead were glossy eyes. He wanted to console her, but he didn’t know what to say or do. He felt out of his element.

“I haven’t properly written in two weeks because I had other work and didn’t want to overextend myself. Any writing I have done was edits here and there for Ara or just me taking a moment to go through the manuscript because I had down time. These next few weeks are crazy for me since everyone comes into town for the awards and I run around to see friends or enjoy sessions. This day was one of the few I was taking to sit and actually put words down. To make progress so I don’t feel shitty when things mellow out and I have more time to do things like write. And to hang out with friends I haven’t had the chance to see much of,” she said.

As she spoke Yoongi watched as her eyes became glossier and finally a tear or two slipped from them. Her voice also grew softer, and each word made her sound so disconnected from what she was saying. It broke his heart.

“Kendall,” he said, stepping closer to wipe the tears from her face.

Shaking her head, she took several steps back and used the sleeve of her - well his - sweater to get rid of the tears herself.

“You should go,” she said.

He wanted to comfort her, to apologize, but it wasn’t the right place and he’d already done enough. Nodding, he whispered a brief see you later and I love you before turning to leave. He didn’t even say anything as he went, just inclined his head so the guard would follow and left the cafe.

Hoseok emerged from the store seconds after and after one look at Yoongi’s face shook his head. Without a word they walked back to where the van waited for them.

###

Avoiding Yoongi was what Kendall wanted to do, but of course it was the one time one of his visits to California meant they’d be seeing a lot of each other. The boys had jam pack schedules that took them all over the city and some of those included pre-Grammy events. And Kendall was forced to go to those for networking purposes and sometimes solely to be some sort of representative for her company since most of the producers there were freelance.

So, after two days of dry text responses and refusing to go where he was, she was forced in the same room as him. Which would’ve been fine if she could ignore him the entire time or maintain her indifference, but they were in a public space. The slightest hint of trouble in paradise led to everyone and their mama knowing and having something to say about it. She’d already seen how people got after they’d both been having a bad day and didn’t seem particularly fond of anyone, let alone each other. Everyone was ready to hear that they’d broken up or something.

No one wanted that, so she’d had to suck it up and relinquish the hurt that she felt. It was hard, but she prepared herself mentally for it. That and the reminder that she only had to stay for a few hours and would be forced to mingle helped. The more talking to others the less time spent in his presence or so she hoped.

When she arrived at the event - an hour after it started - everything was in full swing. People had drinks and were talking to everyone and anyone they could cling to. It made her want to leave right that second, but she had an obligation; so, she grabbed a drink and allowed herself to be whisked away by the first person who approached her.

Thankfully, luck was on her side. The first person to grab her was an acquaintance she’d made while working on a song for a Bruno Mars album. She’d enjoyed their presence and they kept in touch some. He brought her over to a group of his friends - newer producers - and she hit it off with them instantly. They talked about themselves and projects they’d worked on. Two of them wanted to break into producing for international music and asked her how she’d gotten into working with K-pop artists on stuff.

The conversation was so nice that she’d pushed away her thoughts of worry and sadness, it held her focus. Though it only lasted an hour.

“Why are they staring at them like that?” Jess, one of the producers, asked.

That caused Kendall to pause mid-sentence to follow her gaze. Once she found what held her attention the feelings came flooding back to her, but they were quickly overshadowed by different ones. Off in the distance all the boys stood or sat around a table with one or two of their friends. But all around them clusters of people talked amongst each other but stared the boys down in a way that was uncomfortable on several levels.

Of course, there couldn’t be at one event they went to that people weren’t on their bullshit. They just didn’t know how to interact like normal humans, as if any of the boys would bite them or something.

Kendall turned back to the group, but they were already shooing her away. She reminded herself to get their contact info before she left the event and then made her way over to where the guys were.

As she walked over heads turned in her direction, but as soon as she made eye contact with those people they looked away and put some distance between the guys and themselves. It pleased her that they still remembered she’d come for anyone who did or said anything that upset any of them and she wouldn’t pull her punches.

And her glare was so effective that as she got closer to the boys everyone’s attention was actually focused on who they were talking to.

Once she reached the table, she greeted them all, but moved to Yoongi’s side immediately. They weren’t people known for large displays of public affection, but when out together they remained close. So, when she walked up, he laced his fingers in hers as soon as she reached for his hand and they smiled at each other.

The smiles were forced, but not necessarily fake. At least on Kendall’s end. She had a reason to smile, she was amongst friends and just left a wonderful conversation, but there were also reasons to not be that into it. First, she’d had to come and put a stop to people making the boys feel awkward. Second, as she noted that people weren’t blatantly staring or gossiping the hurt bubbled back up.

Maintaining eye contact with Yoongi long enough that she didn’t seem to be dodging his gaze was hard, but she managed it. When that awkward situation was done, she turned her attention to everyone else.

“How long have you guys been here?” she asked.

Namjoon glanced down at his watch. “A little after they started. Sejin wanted us to get here earlier to make sure we talked to somebody. That happened in the first ten minutes and now we’re just here for a while.”

Kendall nodded.

“How about you?” Jungkook asked.

“Oh, I was an hour late.”

At that they all rolled their eyes and she heard a few murmurs about how she was lucky she could just show up whenever. It made her laugh that they envied her when they were all at the event against their will for longer than they wanted to be.

After that small talk they all dove into discussing something Namjoon read and thought everyone else should read too. It was hard to tell him no when he was so passionate about something, so they all let him talk up the book. Kendall had to admit by the time he finished she planned to at least look it up.

But even as she attempted to give him most of her attention her gaze and mind continued to wander towards Yoongi. He was also listening intently, but every so often he’d glance her way with something that could’ve been akin to longing. And she wanted to give in but then her mind flashed back to two days before. The worry on his face and the way he’d tried to find a roundabout way to get her to leave her session early. But most of all the lack of trust in her being able to take care of herself. That hurt the most and though a part of her deemed it a valid worry of his, it didn’t take away the fact that she wasn’t okay with it and was upset. And no matter how much she reasoned with herself she couldn’t look past that. She couldn’t bring herself to talk it out either. Not yet.

And if forced to spend more time in that set up she would’ve bought the book Namjoon was talking about and given into Yoongi. But she was saved by the clearing of a throat into a mic. Everyone’s attention moved to the makeshift stage near the bar, watching and listening intently as the host introduced themselves. From there a few speakers went up and there was a newer artist who was nominated for a Grammy who performed. Kendall really liked their sound and made a mental note to check out more of their work.

After about an hour and a half of that everyone went back to conversing amongst themselves, but the crowd had seemingly grown. People were much closer to the group then they were before, and they seemed to be trying to talk to the boys more. Kendall wasn’t even the focus and she was overwhelmed, so she couldn’t imagine how they felt about it.

That is until she felt a hard squeeze to her hand. Glancing up she noted that Yoongi was nodding along to whatever the man in front of him was saying, but his body was tense. And from the way he grimaced every so often she could tell he wasn’t okay.

Too many people around with focus on him in a space he wasn’t comfortable in wasn’t a good combination. It led to small attacks and she wanted to avoid those.

Kendall had to interject.

Putting on a small smile she turned her attention to the man talking. “I’m sorry. I need to borrow him for a moment. So, if you would excuse us.”

There was no waiting for a response from him, she merely used their interlocked fingers to pull Yoongi away from the table and the crowd. As they went, she made eye contact with Sejin who nodded in understanding, but she didn’t stop walking until they were out of the main hall and inside an empty supply closet.

Once inside she turned so she was facing him, releasing his hand so both of hers could cup his face. He didn’t look at her at first, his eyes closed and his chest moving rapidly as he regulated his breathing. That hurt her heart and she felt the frustration brewing, but she kept it at bay. Leaning forward she pressed her forehead to his and her eyes fluttered shut. She started breathing deep and slow, her fingers caressing his cheeks. After a few seconds, his breathing matched hers and once she felt he was calm her eyes opened.

The second hers were open so were his. There was still a strong sense of unease in his expression, but he no longer looked on the verge of an attack. It gave her some relief.

“You okay?” she asked softly.

Yoongi nodded.

“Yoon. Are you sure you’re okay?”

Again, his eyes closed, and she was worried he was slipping into an attack, but when he opened them again, he appeared more at peace.

“I promise, baby,” he said, his voice scratchy.

She nodded, softly chewing on her lower lip for a moment.

“Do you want to leave? We can tell Sejin and I’m sure the boys are looking for an excuse to escape.”

“Please,” he said.

That was all Kendall needed before she was pulling out her phone. To her surprise Namjoon had already texted to say they were leaving and would head to where they were staying before meeting at her apartment. Yoongi had clothes at her place so there was no need for him to go back with them.

“They’re already gone. Is going back to mine okay?” she asked.

Yoongi opened his mouth to speak, but then he just nodded again. He was still clearly fighting off the effects of what almost happened.

Kendall wanted him out of there as soon as possible. So, she pressed a kiss to his nose and then grabbed his hand, leading them out to her car. And even after they had to let go of each other to get in, their hands found each other again once secured inside. She drove with their fingers intertwined, allowing Yoongi to use her hand as a distraction.

When they arrived at the apartment, she grabbed some things and took a shower in the guest bathroom. She wanted to stick to Yoongi’s side, but she also knew he needed some time to himself. No matter how much having people around helped a moment to collect yourself and work through it always helped more.

About half an hour after their arrival the boys showed up with food and Yoongi emerged from her bedroom swathed in a large hoodie and a pair of sweatpants. He didn’t say much of anything and no one pushed him to. They all ate their dinner in a comfortable silence while watching something Taehyung choose on the TV.

Though Kendall thought the night would remain calm the boys chose to play some video games and Mario Kart and Smash Bros got them real competitive. It was amusing to watch, but it made her happy because it’s what brought Yoongi out of his shell and got him to smile a little.

However, after three hours and them still going strong Kendall felt tired. No matter how much she tried her eyes wouldn’t remain open and it was time to throw in the towel.

She carefully got off the couch, catching none of their attention, and moved toward her bedroom. Before she disappeared though she turned around and clapped loudly, gaining everyone’s focus, and making someone lose.

“I’m going to bed. You can stay or you can go. You all know that I don’t care, and the extra blankets and pillows are where they always are.”

At that they nodded and refocused their attention on starting up the game. And Kendall made it to her bedroom, pushing back her blanket and once laid out she allowed it to consume her.

As she laid there and listened to the boys’ yell, she hoped it would be the thing to lull her to sleep, but nothing came. Her mind wandered, several subjects coming to the forefront as she dodged the one thing that was the real reason she was still up. It was persistent, always finding a way to weave itself into something else she was thinking about. After some time, it reached a point where she was in tears because she couldn’t shake it.

That vulnerability was all it needed to strike.

Her thoughts were the same every night. How life was so stressful and how she still felt in that weird limbo with Yoongi. And the recent incident didn’t help her at all. It made her feel like she was farther away from fixing things fully than she actually was. Made her think that Yoongi would never trust her in that aspect of her life ever again. And reminded her of how she’d failed herself in not seeing the signs of her downfall. Her therapist said that she couldn’t blame herself for that and she agreed with her, but that didn’t stop the thoughts from surfacing.

It was all too much and before she knew it all it took was the soft shouting of Yoongi to send her into a full-on sob. She wished she could stop it, but all that she could manage was maintaining her silence.

Kendall didn’t know how long she laid there crying to herself or when the boys stopped yelling at each other. The next time she became aware of anything besides what was going on in her head was when the bed dipped, and she was pulled into a chest.

Yoongi whispered softly that it was okay and that he was there while wiping her tears away. She wasn’t very present, but she heard him sniffle and that’s when the dam broke a little more. It wasn’t long before she felt tears that weren’t from her.

They both laid there and cried until sleep claimed them.

###

The next morning Yoongi woke up in the bed alone and tucked in. When he finally had the energy to venture out, he found Kendall in the kitchen with Jin preparing breakfast. They were in their own little world and he didn’t dare disturb that, even if he did have questions about how he’d found her the night before.

He greeted them, made his coffee, and found the other boys in the living room. They all appeared as disheveled as he felt, so the room plummeted into silence after brief good mornings were uttered. Everyone focused on the TV playing some show in front of them, but it didn’t really hold their attention. Or at least it didn’t hold Yoongi’s attention much.

After waking up Yoongi was always a bit out of it for a while, even as he functioned as if he were wide awake. It took some time - and some coffee - to get him to a point where things felt not so distorted. Food also helped, and thankfully after the second failed attempt to keep his eyes open it was done and being brought into the living room. It was the usual location for them to eat despite Kendall having a perfectly comfortable dining area.

Eating was also a silent affair. There was a little talking occasionally, but it was mostly asking someone to pass something here or there. But there was nothing off about that kind of thing, the combination of food and just waking up was reason enough to not want to speak to each other. Plus it wasn’t like the silence left things awkward, they’d all grown comfortable enough with each other to just simply be in each other’s presence sometimes.

By the time they finished everyone was much livelier and seemed ready to start the day. At that point they prepped to rotate taking showers to get ready for the day. Some of the boys had separate things they wanted to do and Sejin apparently dropped some stuff off for them, so they didn’t have to leave to get ready.

Yoongi jumped into the shower while Kendall and Jin cleaned the dishes - something they insisted on. By the time he stepped out of it his mind was cleared and he only had one thought in his head. Why was Kendall crying? He feared there was something wrong that she hadn’t told him about. But he also feared that he’d been the cause of her tears. There was no clear way for him to know which one scared him more.

It didn’t matter though, he needed to know what was wrong so he could possibly help someway. Knowing that he was maybe the cause was better than not knowing at all. Especially if it wasn’t the first time it occurred.

So, when Kendall walked into the room moments after he finished getting dressed, he opened his mouth to speak, but didn’t get the chance.

“Goodness, I feel like I sweated through every orifice of my body last night. I definitely need to shower again,” she said dramatically, already pulling off her clothes.

That made him pause and smile a little at her behavior. It halted his thoughts of saying something long enough that just as he attempted to speak again, she was already cutting him off.

“I’m going to take a quick shower. But Max said he was coming a little earlier and since we all slept in, he should be here soon. Can you make sure someone lets him up?” she asked, turning to look at him for the first time since she entered.

Yoongi knew that was his moment to say it, but then his brain short circuited seeing her naked like that and that momentary lapse told him he wasn’t ready for that conversation yet. He wouldn’t be reacting like some kid seeing his first boob if his brain wasn’t looking for something else to focus on so he could avoid the crying.

He nodded.

Kendall smiled and gave him a thumbs up before skipping into the bathroom. Once the door was closed Yoongi fell back onto the bed and groaned. Of course, he froze up just as he almost did it. Of course, his mind drifted elsewhere. All he’d done for the last few months was struggle with getting to the point with her and things were suffering because of it. He thought he’d gotten better, but obviously not back to normal.

He hated the weird place they were in.

There was no stewing in his annoyance for long though, he needed to keep a lookout for Max. Raising from the bed, he grabbed his phone and shuffled out to the living room. Taehyung, Jimin, and Namjoon were laid out on the couch and focused on their phones. All of them in a fresh pair of clothes and slightly damp hair.

“What are you guys doing?” Namjoon asked once Yoongi took a seat.

Taehyung and Jimin said they were going to see a few museums or something. Once they finished Yoongi muttered about going to a studio with Kendall, Max, and a few others.

Namjoon perked up at that. “Can I come?”

His suddenness startled Yoongi who glanced over at him with a raised brow. “I thought you were going with the other three?”

At that Namjoon simply shrugged. “We were going to go out a little far out to get some pictures and just relax, but I kind of want to go to the studio. Even if it’s just sitting there and hanging out versus doing anything productive.”

Yoongi could get that. “Yeah, I’m sure that’s fine. It was us all just catching up and messing around anyway. It’s one of those rare times everyone is in the same place so we can meet up and meet people.”

Namjoon smiled at that and got up heading towards the guest bedroom. Yoongi could hear him tell the others he was abandoning them with a whole of excitement. He was sure if the younger man didn’t specify what he was leaving for they’d be offended.

In his absence Max showed up and Yoongi let him in. They greeted each other with the same friendly fondness that they always did. And as usual they dove into their own world after Max said hello to the others. The conversation was focused on catching up and what they were up to. They both were very over all the things they had to show up for during the days leading up to the Grammys. Every event was basically the same and they’d much prefer chilling or doing something that they wanted to.

“So, you’re going to the Roc Nation Brunch?” Max asked.

Yoongi nodded. “Yeah, Kendall doesn’t want to go alone.”

“And you also really want to go and see who you can meet,” Max said, seeing right through him.

Yoongi laughed and rubbed the back of his neck. Of course, everyone saw through his whole thing about just going for Kendall. He was going for that reason, but he wasn’t going to deny that he was excited to be amongst people he looked up to all his life or admired. Even if nothing came of it, he'd still have a good time being there.

Before he could verbalize anything though Kendall emerged from the bedroom dressed and hair up in a bun. She smiled at Max and waved before venturing down to the guest bedroom. Her head peaked in and Yoongi faintly heard her say that Jungkook could shower in her room.

When she returned, her and Max went into conversation while Yoongi’s attention was drawn in by Namjoon showing him something. And they all stayed like that until Jin, Hoseok, and Jungkook were dressed and ready to go. After Sejin confirmed he was waiting for them they headed down, but just as they reached the elevators Hoseok paused.

“I think I forgot my charger,” he said.

Kendall was already in the elevator and stepped out, but Hoseok waved her off.

“You guys go down. Yoongi can open the door for me, right?”

For a moment Kendall appeared confused, but then she simply nodded and stepped back in. Yoongi was just outside the doors so he simply turned and led Hoseok back towards the apartment.

Once they were inside, he expected him to go look for the thing, but Hoseok merely turned to face him, his lips in a deep-set frown.

“What?” Yoongi asked, both confused and worried.

A second or two passed and Hoseok said nothing, which was horrible on Yoongi’s nerves. But before he could ask again, he started talking.

“I’m guessing you found her crying or looking like she cried herself to sleep last night?” he asked, though it sounded more like a statement.

That made Yoongi freeze. How the hell he knew about her crying was beyond him, but it made him feel even worse that his friend knew what the heck was going on, but Yoongi was clueless. Had Kendall told him what was wrong, or did he find out by chance? Yoongi really needed to know.

“Ho...” Yoongi started.

“The month you were being an ass I had to come here for work remember? I had a hotel room but I mostly stayed here and the first night after we watched a movie she went to bed a little early. She must have forgot I was there or was just too distraught to stop herself, but she cried then too. I went to check on her when it lasted for several minutes and found her full on sobbing in bed. Once I got her calm I asked her about it. And even then she cried every night after. Now did she cry or not?”

Hearing that made Yoongi’s chest tight and his breathing a little labored. He wanted to ask more, but he couldn’t find the words and Hoseok was awaiting an answer. Not trusting his voice Yoongi nodded.

Hoseok chewed on his lower lip for a second before sighing. “Okay, so I’m not supposed to tell you and I technically won’t, but you two need to talk. Of course, you need to discuss what happened a few days ago, but you also need to bring up the crying. You have to do it tonight, okay? This crap can’t be held off any longer or it’s only going to get worse.”

The urgency in Hoseok’s voice made Yoongi’s stomach churn. He really needed to know what the hell happened, but he knew that only one person could give him those answers and it would be wrong to press someone else for them.

“Okay,” Yoongi said when he finally found his voice.

After staring at him for a while Hoseok nodded and they left the apartment. Their descent was made in silence and Yoongi tried to keep his expression as blank as would be considered normal, he couldn’t look upset or like he was trying too hard to look fine. Kendall or Namjoon would pick up on things and he didn’t need that.

But once he got into Max’s car Namjoon glanced at him once and it was like he saw right through him. Yoongi gave him a look that relayed to not ask question and Namjoon’s mouth clamp shut into a firm line. Thankfully though Kendall was too focused on a call to glance his way longer than a second so she couldn’t scrutinize him.

Once he was settled, Max pulled off and they made their way to the studio. It was a quick trip and soon enough Yoongi didn’t have to worry about Kendall possibly catching on because she was wrapped up in everything else.

Her distraction led to Yoongi watching her closely. Of course, he was in the conversation and actively enjoying himself, but he also took into account everything that she did. The way she slowly became more comfortable and how she smiled. It was wider and much more genuine than he’d seen in a while. Everything about her was much freer than he’d seen her in what felt like forever and that was a punch to the gut.

That realization dampened his mood and made the last two hours of their session a bit hard to bear. He kept up with conversation and even took over the computer to add on a suggestion of his, but he was no longer as excited to be there.

In fact, Yoongi was anxious to leave.

Around six they were picked up in a van with the other boys and went out for a quick dinner. Yoongi was sure that Hoseok let the others know that he and Kendall needed some time alone if the way they inhaled their food was any indication.

But things couldn’t go that smoothly.

Just as Yoongi was going to say he was going back with Kendall, Sejin said they needed to have a meeting at the house. Of course, he didn’t know how long it would be, so having Kendall wait for them was unreasonable.

Another stop to his plans.

They parted ways and Yoongi all but shouted the meeting needed to happen the second they stepped into the door. It shocked no one - except maybe Sejin - and they got right to it. The subject was just about how the next few days would ramp up and they’d have the morning off the next day, but that evening was meant for some interviews and more practice.

The moment that was finished Yoongi was already out of the house and hopping into the car that stayed behind. The staff member driving knew where to take him without a word. And for the twenty-minute drive he sat with his leg bouncing and chewing on the tip of his nail.

Once at the building he all but ran inside, throwing a quick thank you over his shoulder. He spent the entire elevator ride trying to find the right words to say and when the doors opened, he was so sure of himself. However, once he got inside his nerves hit. It wasn’t that he’d lost his edge, but he heard something that sounded like whimpering.

He was right that it was a regular occurrence.

Yoongi steeled himself and made his way to the bedroom. He didn’t want to rush in and startle her too much, so he took his time pushing the door open and making his way to her side. He crawled into the bed and pulled back the cover from her head.

Kendall looked surprised, but it was clearly pushed aside as she tried to rid herself of the tears. It didn’t change that her eyes were bloodshot and her hands shaky.

“What are you doing here?” she asked, her voice cracking.

Yoongi wanted to simply comfort her and tell her it would be okay, but he didn’t fully know what was going on. And without knowing and talking things through he couldn’t promise things like that.

“Baby, we need to talk,” he said, hoping the term of endearment would soothe any worries about what he planned to say.

There was no obvious reaction to it, though he did feel her stiffen a little. For a second, he thought she’d change the subject, but after a deep breath she nodded.

Carefully he moved both of them into a sitting position. She had her back against the headboard with her legs crossed and he sat opposite her, his hands taking in hers.

Several minutes passed in silence. Yoongi knew she needed a minute and refused to push her. He wanted their conversation to go by smoothly and that meant being hyper aware of how either of them felt before saying anything.

A hand squeeze was the signal for him to proceed.

“How about we start with why I found you crying two nights in a row,” he said softly.

That made her clam up a bit, but Yoongi squeezed her hands on and off to comfort her. After a few seconds she physically relaxed and took a deep breath.

“I haven’t... I…” More squeezes of reassurance and she worked through it. “It felt like the world crumbled down around us the moment we came back from the hospital. I knew I’d messed up and that it would take some time to rebuild things, but I don’t know at what point the rebuilding is complete. I don’t know when I can finally relax and not feel like something I say or do that leans slightly into not so healthy territory will upset you. Of course, I’m making a strong effort to be better for myself above anything else, but some things just can’t be helped. Sometimes I’m going to work a little too hard or skip a meal solely because I’m not hungry.

“But when is it the time that I can do that without feeling like I’m letting you down, Yoongi? When do I get to stop feeling like that, you’re five seconds away from shutting down and cutting me out for a month again? I get it and I understand that this is a lot on you and you’re still working through some of it yourself, but when does it stop? Does it ever? Or are we stuck in this infinite loop of me fearing the wrong move will completely destroy our relationship just like I thought it would after it happened?”

Halfway through her mini rant Kendall started crying again. She tried to hold them back, but it was clear that she knew it was a losing battle. So Yoongi watched them flow down her cheeks. He watched as her voice broke and she became distraught. He watched as the thick wall that had still been between them started to crack a little.

And he hated it.

Yoongi hated that it took six months before they could get to a point where everything was finally laid out. He hated it because he knew how much of it was his own fault. Kendall wanted to talk about it once he’d stopped giving her the cold shoulder, but he thought a slow approach was best. And when everything was normal-ish, he was sure he’d worked through the urge to react a little aggressively when she seemed to slip into the habits that landed her in the hospital.

His behavior was hypocritical. While she lived in fear she’d do something to set him off, he continued his habits every so often and sometimes even brushed off her concern. It was truly messed up.

At some point he was so in his head thinking about how he’d messed up that he almost forgot that the love of his life was across from him crying and waiting for a response.

Taking a deep breath Yoongi glanced up and stared into her eyes. It broke his heart to see how watery they were, but he needed to get through it and not just jump to comforting her. There would be nothing else to get him off track.

“I know this hasn’t been easy. It’s sucked hard the last few months and I know it wasn’t handled the best. I worked through my emotions and didn’t think we needed to go further than the progress we’d made. I sat blind to the fact that I was still clinging to the fear and making it hard for you to be free with me. To say what you want without worry about me being upset. And for that I’m really sorry. I’m so fucking sorry, Kendall. And I have to apologize for the way I stormed into your writing session. I let my worries overtake me instead of trusting you, which is shitty. I trust you with all that I am, and I never want you to think I don’t. And I promise to make sure that I don’t make you feel that way again.

“From now on we are going to be our normal selves. There are going to be moments where we push a little too hard or slip up, but I know neither of us will go through what happened again. I’ll stop the weirdness and if I slip up please let me know. I will not be upset if you call me on my bullshit. Okay?”

Since she was still crying, she couldn’t speak so she just nodded.

With that out of the way Yoongi finally pulled her into him. With the force they fell back onto the bed, but he didn’t mind at all. His arms wrapped around her waist and he pressed kisses all over her face. After a while she giggled and tried to get him to stop. However, Yoongi refused to let up and at some point she ended up pinned underneath him.

Once he had enough of being jabbed in the side, he stopped but didn’t move from where he was straddling her. His eyes softened and his hands reached to caress her face. He felt nothing but affection course through him as he stared at her. The smile on her face was radiant and it was the first time in months she looked at him that way.

“I love you,” he said.

That only made her smile shine brighter. “I love you too.”

###

After their talk and another brief conversation things got better. Kendall felt she could be much freer in what she did or said around Yoongi and he felt a weight lift from his shoulders. They were busy so there wasn’t a lot of time spent together, but any time that was in each other’s presence could be described in one word.

Disgusting.

At least to everyone who had to be in their presence.

They were so free that their affection and love were always present. If they weren’t kissing, they were cuddling. And if cuddling was out of the question, they were holding hands or linking pinkies. It was as if they were forgoing their usual not so intense public affection to make up for lost time. And if they didn’t have any shame - which it never felt like they did - they’d probably end up dry humping each other on the couch during movie night. Everyone was thankful it never came to that.

Kendall was very aware of how their behavior was affecting everyone, but she didn’t care all that much. At some point she planned to scale it back to normal, but for the time being she thought it was fine for them to just deal with it. Especially since they weren’t as bad as Jimin and that girl he dated for six months. The thought of the compromising positions she’d found them in would forever send a chill down her spine.

But she could admit they were maybe overdoing it after it taking five minutes for them to part ways and get ready for the brunch. They had to be dragged apart and pulled from the bedroom so they could start the day. It was kind of funny, but also a little cringy. Though she’d take that over non-stop tension any day.

Their separation wasn’t for long though. After a little over an hour of hair and make-up they met in the kitchen, both grabbing a snack. Yoongi was almost fully dressed. He wore olive green slacks and a white button up. His gray hair was styled to where it covered most of his forehead, but there was a small part near the center. He looked good and his pants made his butt pop a little. Though it was still no match for Kendall’s. She wore a dress of the same color. It was off the shoulder with flowy sleeves and though the material of the top hung a little loose the skirt of it was tight. It met and molded with every curve she had.

Yoongi surely appreciated it.

“Stop staring at my butt, please and thank you,” she muttered after downing a glass of water.

“That’s not going to happen,” Yoongi muttered.

Turning to face him fully she took away his view, which led to him pouting at her. While it was a little adorable, she couldn’t forget that the reason he was pouting was because he couldn’t be a perv.

Moving closer her arms wrapped around his neck and she leaned her head on his shoulder. There were some complaints about her curls getting into his mouth, but he wrapped his arms around her waist and placed a kiss on her bare shoulder.

“You look good, love,” Kendall muttered.

“So, do you,” he replied.

Kendall’s eyes fluttered closed after that and she just stayed like that. Being wrapped in his arms was nice and she never wanted to leave them if she could help it. But obviously that wasn’t allowed.

“I told you five minutes to grab a snack. You’re not going to be upset with me because I didn’t have the time to add some extra touches to your hair,” Kendall’s stylist, Michelle, said.

Holding back a laugh Kendall pulled away from Yoongi and winked before following behind the woman. She wasn’t really annoyed with her but testing her was also not the best idea; she could get mean.

The next time they saw each other was in the car taking them to the event. They were running a little behind, but neither of them cared much. They were definitely not going to be the last ones to get there.

“I had a feeling you’d choose those,” he commented as they got out of the car to make their entrance.

At first Kendall was confused, but then she noticed his head incline towards her shoes. She’d chosen a pair with a thicker heel since Michelle wouldn’t allow her to wear flats or fashionable sneakers.

She scoffed and pressed closer to him as his arm wrapped around her waist.

“Of course. Do you want to have to massage my feet so they feel better after that torture?” she asked.

Then it was Yoongi’s turn to scoff. “As if you’re not going to make me after you wear those.”

They were on the carpet where photos would be taken by then but it didn’t stop her from lightly swatting at him.

“Don’t act like you don’t volunteer half of the time.”

“Don’t act like I don’t volunteer in order to maybe get something out of it,” he retorted.

Her instinct was to keep going, but she merely laughed at him. He wasn’t wrong per se. It took a moment for them to come out of their own little world and realize there were cameras pointed at them. They quickly got it together and took one too many pictures.

From there it was full steam ahead. They entered the party and were immersed in people. They were saying hi to acquaintances, catching up and hanging out with friends, and interacting with people they hadn’t before. At some point there was a brief conversation with Jay-Z and Beyoncé before Jay Park swooped up and pulled Kendall’s attention.

But no matter who they were talking to both were glued to each other’s side. Yoongi would be having a completely different conversation with a different set of people then Kendall and still had their fingers laced. And when they weren’t too focused on anything they were practically cuddled together and happy in their own space.

A few hours of drinks and conversation made them want to go home though. So, despite the promise to stay a little longer they made their exit and headed home. Though there were a few quick stops for food and things.

Once at Kendall's apartment they got ready for bed and then proceeded to struggle to make a fort in the living room for thirty minutes. The entire time was spent yelling after the sheets collapsed on them and laughter when they accidentally crashed into each other because they couldn’t see. In retrospect they should’ve used more than light from the TV and a lamp to do it.

When they’d finally finished the fort, got the coffee table moved, retrieved way too many pillows and blankets, and set their snacks out they finally got comfortable. They cuddled close and turned their focus to the TV.

Yoongi was in charge of picking what they watched since Kendall didn’t care much and he was clearly struggling. Kendall was going to offer some help but then his head turned to her and in a second his lips were on hers. Though shocked she returned the kiss, pressing even closer to keep it going.

A minute or so later Yoongi pulled away and smiled at her.

“I love you,” he said.

“I love you too,” she said without hesitation.

For a little while they stared at each other and said nothing. They didn’t need to though. Basking in each other was enough for that moment.

Who knows how long it took before they looked away from each other, but when they did Kendall felt a flurry of butterflies in her stomach and everything seemed right with the world for once.

“Veronica Mars rewatch?” he asked.

Kendall nodded.

“Veronica Mars rewatch!” she screamed.

That made Yoongi laugh and shake his head, but he was already pressing play on the first episode of season one.

###

The day of the Grammys started much like the day of the brunch. Neither of them wanted to leave the bed, but they needed to start the day. Kendall had a thing or two to do before she got ready and since the boys were performing, they had to do a few more run-throughs.

It was tough, but they started their days on a high note and were ready to end it on that too. Yoongi came into practice focused and ready to get things done. He wanted things to go smoothly and for them to leave an impression. And with the set they were performing they were sure to do so.

Practice lasted for a few hours. It was briefly done in their own little room, but for most of it they were on the stage. It went well, though there were a few tweaks here and there as they looked back on what they did. Thankfully, nothing major was wrong and all of them were in the right state of health to go on.

When everything was done, they headed back to the house to shower, eat, and get ready. Since there were enough bathrooms for all of them there was no waiting, which Yoongi was eternally grateful for. He did not smell his best and his muscles were a little sore from use. Showering helped with that and gave him the time to breathe.

Once finished and dressed in loose clothing he went down to the kitchen to grab some of the food, which he devoured faster than usual. Which wasn’t good since it merely increased the tired feeling he’d been ignoring and hoping would go away. But he was in luck. They’d wrapped things up quickly enough that there was time for him to take a nap.

That isn’t what he did once his body hit the bed though. Sleep was on his mind, but it was quickly overshadowed by Kendall. He’d texted her earlier, but she hadn’t gotten back to him, which bothered him. And surprisingly it wasn’t because he was worried, but because he was being a pouty baby about being ignored. He debated blowing up her phone just to get on her nerves, but then remembered she had a lot to do and she was feeling extremely nervous about the night.

Yoongi understood that though, it was going to be nerve wracking. The boys were performing and up for an award. Which would be fine, but then Yoongi was also up for Producer of the Year Non-classical. He and Kendall were up for it together. If they were both separate entries it would be one thing, but they shared the possibility of winning and that made him want it more. He thought she deserved to win, and he wanted to win for himself.

At some point he got so in his head that he didn’t even realize he’d drifted off. It was like even in his sleep his mind was only focused on that. Which meant the nap helped, but his thoughts running meant that he didn’t get the full affect. When Hoseok shook him awake all he could do was groan and wish he was asleep again.

But alas he had to get his behind in gear. So, he downed some coffee and let the staff take over from there. His outfit was handed to him and he changed into it before coming back out for his hair and make-up to be done. It was going to be a simple look make-up wise and changed up a little for the performance. And his hair was styled over his forehead, but there was some waviness to it.

After two hours of everyone getting ready, they headed out again. Yoongi could feel his nerves ramp up and the energy in the car was also very uneasy. There was excitement too, but that just made things worse. And when they arrived, he felt like he was going to vomit. It took some deep breaths and a quick pep talk from Joon to get them all to normal levels of nervous.

With a calmer state of mind Yoongi stepped out of the car, only moving far enough so the others could get out too. The picture taking was almost immediate and Yoongi steeled him so as soon as he heard the first click. Once Namjoon was out he took the lead and led them inside and onto the carpet. They stopped for several photos and a few quick interviews, which were basically just the same questions over and over again.

It wasn’t until about five minutes into being on the carpet that something caught Yoongi’s interest. From the corner of his eye he saw a flash of purple enter the carpet and only pause for about thirty seconds before moving along. He knew who it was before his head even fully turned.

Kendall was in a long lilac dress that had two slits up to the middle of her thigh and a pair of white heels that she probably hated. Her hair was braided into a crown, which he knew took a while because of how thick it was, even when straightened.

She looked beyond beautiful and she was planning on walking right past them.

Never one for lingering long on carpets, Kendall merely glanced his way and winked before preparing to go on her merry way, but that wasn’t going down. Yoongi moved away from the boys, confusing their interviewer, and grasped her hand pulling her over to where they were despite heavy protest.

Once with the group again he smiled and acted as if he hadn’t thrown all of them off. And that smile grew wider when Kendall stopped objecting once in front of the camera. She was known to have no problem speaking her displeasure no matter the setting, but she also tried her best to keep her cool in those situations.

After recovering from the interruption, the interview continued as normal. There were a few questions thrown at Kendall, but she answered them with ease. And a few moments later they were being directed into the main room. That’s when she took the chance to lightly punch Yoongi in his arm.

“Jerk,” she mumbled.

He just laughed and allowed her to take the lead. They were all sitting together from what he’d seen earlier, which worked for him because he’d need his brothers and her by his side to get through the evening.

About twenty minutes after they got into their seats things started, and the focus went there. Cameras would be everywhere, and they would especially be on them, so there was the need to be present for the most part. He could lean over and whisper something in Kendall’s ear every so often to make her laugh, but besides that he had to keep it together.

About an hour in, staff came to grab the boys and Yoongi placed a quick kiss on Kendall's hand before going to get ready. The moment he got backstage it was hectic and his mind could only focus on being ready to go. They went through wardrobe, hair, and make-up within twenty minutes and then moved to their positions.

When the music started Yoongi felt his heart rate increase, but he tried to keep it down. It wasn’t even his turn yet. Jungkook was up first.

The boys had decided on using their performance as a moment to highlight their solo stuff and their group work. They’d all get about thirty seconds on their own set and that would shift seamlessly into the next one. Once that was over, they would come together for their newest title track, which reflected a lot more with old Bangtan music.

Yoongi was going to be the last to go and though he had newer music he had chosen Agust D to perform. When it was his turn he came out and performed with the charisma that he was known for. And then just where the verse should’ve kept going, he stopped and the whole place went black. When the lights came back up, he was in a formation with the others and he continued, the group song starting with a verse from him.

The crowd responded nicely to it and the energy in the place was crazy. Even when they finished their set, the applause finished, and he was back in his seat the adrenaline coursed through him. He was on a high.

That new energy fueled him and kept him grounded through the rest of the show. And then it died a little when they mentioned the category the boys were up for. He was sure they wouldn’t win it, but that didn’t stop him from hoping. And when he was proven right it didn’t bother him much. However, soon after it was time for the other award and his energy dipped even further.

Kendall suddenly gripped his hand tight in hers and turned her head to look at him. They had a brief moment and it was like without words they comforted each other. Both of them relaxed a little more, but their hands still gripped one another’s fiercely.

The nominees felt like they were being announced slower than the rest, but Yoongi kept his face cool. Cameras were definitely on them and he couldn’t let them try to gauge what he was feeling. But after what felt like an eternity, he felt his resolve slipping, only to hear their names being called as the winners. Shock hit him hard.

Yoongi stood immediately and was pulled into the embrace of the other boys, but his hand still never left Kendall’s. That’s when he noticed that she was still sitting and processing. After a few seconds she also stood and accepted the boy’s affections before they were led up to the stage.

Since he was clearly the more present of the two, he took the moment to speak.

“Whoa, I didn’t think we’d get this. I come into every award situation hoping but making sure that I don’t think I’m going to. It does not keep me from being a little disappointed when it doesn’t happen, much like earlier, but it makes it easier. But my goodness does this make up for it. Me and my brothers couldn’t win tonight as a team, but this win is for me and them as they have been with me throughout my journey as I grew as a producer. And of course, it’s for the lovely Kendall who has cemented herself as someone passionate about her craft and has been able to do what she loves for years now. Who has also helped me push to be better at what I do and pushes herself to do the same. Without any of them I wouldn’t be standing here thinking this award is going to vanish from my hands at any moment.”

Yoongi’s voice got a bit shaky towards the end, but he tried to play it off with laughter. By the time he was done Kendall had calmed herself and wiped free the stray tears. Yoongi stood back from the mic and let her talk.

“Thank goodness for Yoongi or I wouldn’t have had time to stall and pull it together. This is just so freaking cool and though it’s never been a goal or specific want of mine like it has been his I still am so grateful. I don’t ever think I’ll win or be awarded things, so it’s always the biggest shock in the world when I do. And I wouldn’t be here without having people believe in me achieving things like this. Without people not brushing me off and actually listening to what I have to say or show them. Without a mother who knocked sense into me when I thought pursuing multiple creative passions was a pipe dream. Or without friends who challenge me even when I think I’ve found what works best for me. Or without Yoongi, who is someone willing to take my bullshit and give it back tenfold. It really does take a village and I couldn’t be more thankful for mine. Thank you.”

At some point she’d reached her hand back to take Yoongi’s and once she finished her speech, he squeezed it tight. With that done there was another round of applause and they were taken backstage. They took a few photos and then the BigHit staff took the awards from them so they could finish out the night.

And if anyone thought they were clingy before; they hadn’t seen anything.

From the moment they got back to their seats - after a round of congratulations from everyone around them - they were inseparable. Even as they went through some exit interviews and made their way to an after party.

They were just so happy and so free of inhibitions that there were probably multiple videos of them a little drunk, singing and dancing along to the music a little aggressively. They also kept making out and had to be reminded they were in public.

But that didn’t matter much to them. They’d achieved a great thing, were in a wonderful place relationship wise, and simply happy in life. Not to mention so in love that it didn’t matter if they were being a mess and ended up circulating stan twitter for their antics. Their feelings are what mattered most.

And they felt on top of the world.


End file.
